Monday, September 7, 2015

Obama Wishes America A Happy Labor Day

Happy Labor Day....

....even all you coal miners that I threw out of work. Believe me, your former job was polluting the planet and causing global warming. You're better off without your dirty job.

I also want to give a shout-out to my friends at Solyndra. They deserve kudos for doing the REALLY IMPORTANT WORK....of contributing and laundering taxpayer money into my political campaigns.

I would like to announce that I am signing yet ANOTHER executive order, mandating that ALL businesses give their employees 10 weeks of paid vacation leave. Whether you'd like to spend that time with your wife as she takes her maternity leave or if you just want to be paid to chillax, it's important that you know that your president wants to stick it to your evil, rich boss.

Now, if you want to KEEP 10 weeks of paid vacation leave, I suggest that you keep voting Democrat. Remember, those Republicans are the party of your rich, evil boss, Ebenezer Scrooge.

I am also toying with the idea of signing an executive order mandating that EVERY job in America be unionized, even if you work for yourself. I called my pal Trumka with that idea. He liked it.

I once had a job in the private sector, and I've written that I saw that experience as being 'behind enemy lines.' In the place where I was born, we didn't like free enterprise or fossil fuels.

In Obama's America, we need to get rid of jobs that I disapprove of. Many jobs involve polluting the environment. This needs to stop. What this country needs is an army of Obama activists, neighborhood snitches, and civilian security police to replace the racist cops in cities and towns all over America.

Only then, can we say that America has been 'fundamentally transformed,' Thank you.

Allahu Akbar. President Barack Hussein Obama.

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