Sunday, March 27, 2011

Loon Of The Week

It's time once again for our weekly excursion into looloolooliberallefty looniness, with our resident lefty, Longfellow Loon, as he bestows his Loon Of The Week Award. This award should have been awarded last week, but Longfellow was sobbing uncontrollably for a week, following Keith Ellison's testimony before New York Congressman Pete King's hearing on Islamic radicalization inside America. So, here he is. Give it up for Longfellow Loon. The floor is yours.
"LOOOLOOOLOOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOO!!!!!! (sob.sniff.sniff) Thank you, Squirley. My Loon Of The Week Award goes out to Minnesota fifth district congressman Keith (sniff) Ellison, for his stirring testimony before that bigoted meanie Peter King. (sniff sniff). During his March 10th testimony, Representative Ellison broke down and cried, detailing the brave exploits of Muslim paramedic Mohammad Salman Hamdani, who died, trying to save the lives of rich, capitalist infidels! (sob). Mr. Ellison's testimony still makes me (as well as all the DFL dhimmi who vote for him) proud as a pink peacock. Sure, the Moslem world broke out in celebration after the World Trade Center crumbled to the ground, and over 3.000 American perished in the attack, but that is yesterday's news. The real issue is that America needs to know that 9-11 is ON US! Thank you.
LOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOO!!!!!(blows his nose).
Thank you, Longfellow Loon. Here, have a kleenex.

Congrats To The French Air Force

A hearty congratulations goes out to the French Air Force from us here at The RedSquirrel Report. It appears that the entire French Air Force were in the process of throwing up their arms in surrender, when one of them accidentally launched a missile, destroying a Libyan fighter jet.


President Barack Hussein Obama was locked out of the White House last week. With the network news cameras rolling, the hapless president was seen trying to open the front door, yelling "Hilliary, this isn't funny!" The president cut his South American trip short, saying "Why admire the Mayan ruins when I can admire the American economy in ruins. Damn, this Cloward and Piven strategy is working perfectly!"

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Welcome To Obamaville

They called him 'The One"
A new age has begun
This young messiah will lower the seas
But he's a lyin' child dictator
The reporters and commentators
The mainstream news media report on their knees

We all flat broke in Obamaville
The country's deep in default
Barry still says that Dubya's to blame
He still whines that it's still Dubya's fault

Now we are all livin'
With Cloward and Piven
We are bullied by the S.E.I.U.
While he bows to dictators
Then he calls us all 'haters'
Running a country, he hasn't a clue

We don't know where he was born
He sure loves his ACORN
This disciple of Saul Allinsky
He's on a spending bender
We'll just devalue our tender
with foreclosure signs as far as the eye can see

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Damn You, Mitch Berg! Damn You!

Eugene Snotley, music critic

Damn You, Mitch Berg and Ed Morrissey! Damn you! Because of you, poor Warren Zevon must be spinning in his grave!

On your NARN radio program on The Patriot 1280 AM, you took an American classic, "Lawyers, Guns, And Money", and desecrated this wonderful classic song. Your re-make, "Lawyers, Cheese, And Bratwurst" made my eyebrows fall out, and made me go prematurely grey!  You, Mr. Berg, along with that overstuffed oaf, Ed Morrissey, sounded like what happens in a karaoke bar when everyone is too loaded to even care. 

Your parody is proof that we need the Fairness Doctrine! You have killed one of my favorite songs (I haven't given a positive review since Elvis Costello's classic 'My Aim Is True'), and worst of all, referred to those brave Wisconsin Democrat legislators as "flee-baggers"!  And what's worse, you've promised to murder another song NEXT week if they don't go back to work. What kind of sadistic monsters are you?!

If Mitch Berg and Ed Morrissey aren't stopped, they may kill music forever!

Nero's Got His Basketball Jones


obama videotaping his ncaa tournament picks today....                        

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Oh, This Just In.

Betsy Liley, NPR's Senior Director Of Institutional Giving, is on James O' Keefe's upcoming undercover video, telling the undercover 'Muslim donors' how she can keep their $5,000,000.00 donation to PBS anonymous. Meanwhile, the mainstream news media acts like South Park's Officer Barbrady, saying, "Nothing to see here. Move along."

He Strikes Again

New media journalist extraordinaire James O'Keefe has struck again. This time, he and two actors, posing as extremist Muslim donors, caught Ron Schiller, NPR Foundation's Senior VP for Development, in an undercover video. The unsuspecting NPR exec was caught on the video vocalizing his disdain for middle America, Jews, non-intellectuals, evangelicals, and gun-owners. Then, Schiller suggested that Public Broadcasting shouldn't even need taxpayer money as he gesticulated wildly. Ron Schiller and former CNN Rick Sanchez should get their own show on MSNBC out of this.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

What A Guy

Joran Van Der Sloot, the Dutch vacationer who murdered young Peruvian Stephany Tatiana Flores Ramirez, and suspected in the disappearance of Alabama teen Natalee Holloway, will plead momentary insanity in the Peruvian's murder. Is it just me, or does his name sound like a water slide you would find in a Dutch amusement park? ("Did you take a turn down the Vandersloot?"). Now that he will be tucked away in a Peruvian prison for 3-5 years, Mr. Eurotrash probably will be referred to as 'an amusement park ride' by his cellmate. (if you know what I mean).

Loon Of The Week

It's time for The RedSquirrel Report's resident liberal, The Longfellow Loon, to bestow his weekly award for supreme looniness. Take it away, Longfellow. The floor is all yours.     LOOOLOOOLOOOOLOOOOLOOOOOLOOOO!
This week's looooooon of the week is Ohio Congressman Sherrod Brown. I wanted to give it to the unionistas protesting that eeeevil Governor Scott Walker, but those wonderful protesters won Loon Of The Week last time, and as I believe in redistributing every body's income, I also think that it's only fair to give my Loon Of The Week award to someone new. Congressman Brown rightly pointed out that the Nazis, the Communists, and even Hosni Mubarak eliminated labor unions. I was in Madison, and saw the signs. Did you know that the voters in Wisconsin elected a Nazi Governor!!? Well, that's my Looooon Of The Week award for this week. Charlie Sheen is my front runner for next week's award.
Thank you, Longfellow.

It Might Have Been Something I Ate....

.....or it could have been the recent Time Magazine cover with our fearless leader photoshopped with The Gipper. It's strange that suddenly Barry is a fan of Reagan. It couldn't be that his weasel advisers has taken a hint from the shellacking that the mighty Dem's took on November 2, and that the organizer-in-chief is trying to appear more centrist? Now, the non-stop news media tongue bath enters the territory of self-parody. I understand that the next edition of Newsweek will feature a photoshopped image of Dick Cheney blowing into Obama's ear. Also, the next Utne Reader will have an image of Michael Savage doing the old soft shoe with the bamster, with the teaser "I'm Just Wild About Barry". The next edition of Mother Jones? Barry Goldwater in a track uniform, passing a baton to The Prez, with the caption "One Barry passes the baton to the new Barry".
If this keeps up, I'll be coughing up my intestines sometime before election day 2012.