That Jay-ZZZZZZ is simply amazing. He has the 'bling'. He has the wife (singer Beyonce). He rides in his gold-platted helicopter from concert to concert, and oversees his varied corporate interests.
Who has time to create actual music?
And for $35, you too can be the proud owner of his new line of 'I Attended The Occupy Wall Street Protests, An' All I Got Was This Overpriced T-Shirt'.
Our correspondent spoke to the rapper-entrepreneur about his new line of t-shirts:
"Yo, jus' because you ain't down wit' capitalism, don' means you can't buy my t's. Even if you might've been raped or maced or sumptin' at the OWS protest, you can still remember the good times wit' this t-shirt.
I mean, SOMEBODIES gotta cash in, why not me? These t-shirts were made in Honduras. Dang, those kids do good work, don' they?"
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Open Letter To Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa
Dear Mr. Mayor:
My name is J. RedSquirrel. I am a blogger based in the Twin Cities area.
As you already know, Mr. Zygi Wilf, the owner of the Minnesota Vikings, is threatening to move the 2-11 team to Los Angeles. Mr. Wilf wants a brand-spanking new stadium, and is currently blackmailing the taxpayers of Minnesota, who are actually looking for a way to keep this horrendous team.
I'll bet that you watched the highlights of the mighty Vikings' 7-45 humiliation at the hands of The Evil Green Bay Packers, and thought to yourself, 'Wow, what would I give to bring that team of inept losers to MY CITY?'
A Viking player stands as good a chance of being indicted for domestic abuse as playing in the 2012 All-Pro Game in Honolulu. Our defensive backfield often play as if they have their helmets on backwards.
Our starting Quarterback, Donavon McNabb, played the quarterback postion like a drunk, regularly throwing the ball as if he was 'deliberately trying to miss our recievers'. Mercifully, he was benched, and then released by the team.
Not bad for a $7.25 million investment.
I am sure that you, and the two groups currently vying to bring The Los Angeles Vikings to Southern California, are salivating over this possible acquisition.
As for me, I am looking to you for help. How much money will it take to take this god-awful team off our hands?
If you want this team, please contact me at http://theredsquirrelreport.blogspot.com/, and I'll help in any way I can.
Thank you,
J. RedSquirrel
My name is J. RedSquirrel. I am a blogger based in the Twin Cities area.
As you already know, Mr. Zygi Wilf, the owner of the Minnesota Vikings, is threatening to move the 2-11 team to Los Angeles. Mr. Wilf wants a brand-spanking new stadium, and is currently blackmailing the taxpayers of Minnesota, who are actually looking for a way to keep this horrendous team.
I'll bet that you watched the highlights of the mighty Vikings' 7-45 humiliation at the hands of The Evil Green Bay Packers, and thought to yourself, 'Wow, what would I give to bring that team of inept losers to MY CITY?'
A Viking player stands as good a chance of being indicted for domestic abuse as playing in the 2012 All-Pro Game in Honolulu. Our defensive backfield often play as if they have their helmets on backwards.
Our starting Quarterback, Donavon McNabb, played the quarterback postion like a drunk, regularly throwing the ball as if he was 'deliberately trying to miss our recievers'. Mercifully, he was benched, and then released by the team.
Not bad for a $7.25 million investment.
I am sure that you, and the two groups currently vying to bring The Los Angeles Vikings to Southern California, are salivating over this possible acquisition.
As for me, I am looking to you for help. How much money will it take to take this god-awful team off our hands?
If you want this team, please contact me at http://theredsquirrelreport.blogspot.com/, and I'll help in any way I can.
Thank you,
J. RedSquirrel
Thursday, December 8, 2011
A Date That Will Live In Infamy
Yesterday marked the 70th anniversary of the Japanese attack of Pearl Harbor. On Tuesday, Our little dictator attacked America in a speech delivered in Osawatome, Kansas.
During the speech, the demagogue-in-chief kept yammered on the progressive tendencies of the trust-buster Republican President Theodore Roosevelt. Rush Limbaugh called the speech 'sickening', and Glenn Beck asked his radio cohorts to 'Please shoot me with an elephant tranquilizer'. Obama told the crowd of lemmings that the free-market system has never worked.
The speech was really THAT bad. We tried to run a transcript of the speech through our Truthteller 3000, but the speech broke our machine.
Your bushy-tailed reporter was thinking that since the current occupant of The White House liked lying so much, and using the words of a progressive Republican (even a Republican can be a progressive) President, I thought that it would be alright to return the favor by re-writing Franklin Delano Roosevelt's 'Date Of Infamy' speech:
"December.....the sixth.................two-thousand......and eleven..........a date that will forever live in infamy.....................when the marxist President...Barack....Hussein.....Obama.........did viciously and deliberately attack the free market system......of the United States Of America......
The ethically challenged....corrupt.....and dishonest President.....has wrecked the economy....over-whelming America with his destructive Cloward and Piven strategy, making America a nation of food stamp recipients .....killing our domestic energy industries......heaping bribes upon his cronies.....and fanning the flames of hatred against the most productive members of our society....
We, the American people.....will defend ourselves against this onslaught.....The current occupant of the White House has declared war on the American people.....
On November....the sixth....two-thousand....and twelve.....the American people will deliver a crushing blow to this enemy of America.......Thank you........
During the speech, the demagogue-in-chief kept yammered on the progressive tendencies of the trust-buster Republican President Theodore Roosevelt. Rush Limbaugh called the speech 'sickening', and Glenn Beck asked his radio cohorts to 'Please shoot me with an elephant tranquilizer'. Obama told the crowd of lemmings that the free-market system has never worked.
The speech was really THAT bad. We tried to run a transcript of the speech through our Truthteller 3000, but the speech broke our machine.
Your bushy-tailed reporter was thinking that since the current occupant of The White House liked lying so much, and using the words of a progressive Republican (even a Republican can be a progressive) President, I thought that it would be alright to return the favor by re-writing Franklin Delano Roosevelt's 'Date Of Infamy' speech:
"December.....the sixth.................two-thousand......and eleven..........a date that will forever live in infamy.....................when the marxist President...Barack....Hussein.....Obama.........did viciously and deliberately attack the free market system......of the United States Of America......
The ethically challenged....corrupt.....and dishonest President.....has wrecked the economy....over-whelming America with his destructive Cloward and Piven strategy, making America a nation of food stamp recipients .....killing our domestic energy industries......heaping bribes upon his cronies.....and fanning the flames of hatred against the most productive members of our society....
We, the American people.....will defend ourselves against this onslaught.....The current occupant of the White House has declared war on the American people.....
On November....the sixth....two-thousand....and twelve.....the American people will deliver a crushing blow to this enemy of America.......Thank you........
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Cain Suspends Candidacy, While Obama Suspends Constitution
On Saturday, Presidential hopeful Herman Cain suspended his candidacy amid accusations of impropriety involving women other than his wife. Meanwhile, Barack Obama appears to be unscathed by multiple scandals involving illegal gun-running, an unprecedented level of corruption (Solyndra), and a total disregard for the rule of law. While Cain suspends his candidacy, Obama is suspending The Constitution.
While the Republican candidates tear into each other's imperfections, Obama wrecks the country.
While we yap about Mitt Romney and his flip-flops, Obama fans the flames of racial strife and gives his blessing to the anti-Semitic, violent 'Occupy Wall Street' demonstrations. At least he's consistent....
While the mainstream (and many in the 'conservative media) blather on Newt Gingrich's skeletons in his closet, most mavens in the 'news media' ignore Obama's radical friends, William Ayers, Bernadene Dorn, and the psychotic Reverend Jeremiah Wright.
While our candidates appear at debates moderated by leftists, Obama appears only before fainting, fawning audiences.
What the Republican Party needs is an attitude adjustment. Instead of the constant bickering, we need to give the dirty Dems a taste of their own medicine.
Before most Americans ever heard of Saul Alinsky, there was a Republican strategist who kicked the snot out of the Dems named Lee Atwater. In 1988, he made Democrat Presidential candidate Michael Dukakis into a national punchline.
We need to re-learn some things, people.
Any one of the GOP candidates is superior to the current occupant in the White House.
While the Republican candidates tear into each other's imperfections, Obama wrecks the country.
While we yap about Mitt Romney and his flip-flops, Obama fans the flames of racial strife and gives his blessing to the anti-Semitic, violent 'Occupy Wall Street' demonstrations. At least he's consistent....
While the mainstream (and many in the 'conservative media) blather on Newt Gingrich's skeletons in his closet, most mavens in the 'news media' ignore Obama's radical friends, William Ayers, Bernadene Dorn, and the psychotic Reverend Jeremiah Wright.
While our candidates appear at debates moderated by leftists, Obama appears only before fainting, fawning audiences.
What the Republican Party needs is an attitude adjustment. Instead of the constant bickering, we need to give the dirty Dems a taste of their own medicine.
Before most Americans ever heard of Saul Alinsky, there was a Republican strategist who kicked the snot out of the Dems named Lee Atwater. In 1988, he made Democrat Presidential candidate Michael Dukakis into a national punchline.
We need to re-learn some things, people.
Any one of the GOP candidates is superior to the current occupant in the White House.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
RedSquirrel's Hollywood Minute
This week, your bushy-tailed correspondent will appear on 'Dateline NBC". Reporter/Host Keith Morrison is doing a segment on your bushy-tailed correspondent. I have written a new, unauthorized biography of former child actor Maureen McCormick, known to America as Marsha Brady.
In my new book "Oh My Nose!-The REAL Hollywood Story Of Marsha Marsha Marsha", author J. RedSquirrel tells the REAL story behind the famous 'Oh, My Nose!' episode, where Peter throws the football, and breaks Marsha Brady's nose. Here is a partial transcript from the upcoming 'Dateline NBC':
(KM): "The real truth is, actress Maureen McCormick was deeply involved in drugs. In the 70's, many young actors snorted cocaine. McCormick had a particularly bad habit, one that culminated in the tearing of her nasal passage."
(MM):"Oh my nose!"
(KM): "....and to cover this terrible secret, Sherwood Schwartz, creator and writer of "The Brady Bunch", wrote the infamous 'football episode', so that the cast and crew could work around young Maureen McCormick's condition.
(MM): "Oh my nose!"
(KM): "We spoke to the author of this block-buster book. He disclosed that Schwartz had a contract with the cast, and that even the destroyed nose could not stop the shooting schedule".
(J.Redsquirrel): "Sherwood Schwartz was an evil taskmaster. Instead of getting the young actress the help she needed, he wrote the episode in question to fulfill contractral obligations with the network. They wanted 22 episodes, and by hell or high water, he was going to write (and shoot) 22 episodes."
(MM): "Oh My Nose!!"
End of transcript.
This just in. I have just received word that NBC has scrapped the segment.
In my new book "Oh My Nose!-The REAL Hollywood Story Of Marsha Marsha Marsha", author J. RedSquirrel tells the REAL story behind the famous 'Oh, My Nose!' episode, where Peter throws the football, and breaks Marsha Brady's nose. Here is a partial transcript from the upcoming 'Dateline NBC':
(KM): "The real truth is, actress Maureen McCormick was deeply involved in drugs. In the 70's, many young actors snorted cocaine. McCormick had a particularly bad habit, one that culminated in the tearing of her nasal passage."
(MM):"Oh my nose!"
(KM): "....and to cover this terrible secret, Sherwood Schwartz, creator and writer of "The Brady Bunch", wrote the infamous 'football episode', so that the cast and crew could work around young Maureen McCormick's condition.
(MM): "Oh my nose!"
(KM): "We spoke to the author of this block-buster book. He disclosed that Schwartz had a contract with the cast, and that even the destroyed nose could not stop the shooting schedule".
(J.Redsquirrel): "Sherwood Schwartz was an evil taskmaster. Instead of getting the young actress the help she needed, he wrote the episode in question to fulfill contractral obligations with the network. They wanted 22 episodes, and by hell or high water, he was going to write (and shoot) 22 episodes."
(MM): "Oh My Nose!!"
End of transcript.
This just in. I have just received word that NBC has scrapped the segment.
Dear (Current) Occupant (Of The White House)
Dear (Current) Occupant ( the White House),
Last week, America learned of your re-election strategy includes the writing off of the white working class. Wow. Just.....wow. How is even possible that a U.S. President can even get away with admitting this in public?
Instead, your re-election campaign will concentrate on support from college academics, artistes, actors, unionistas, and of course, the black and Hispanic 'underclass'. By publicly disclosing that your 2012 campaign will not even seek the white, working class vote, you are really bragging that you have destroyed the white working class, and are trying to marginalize this voting block. It also proves that you are racist, as well as a liar.
In 2008, you ran as a post-racial candidate. As President, you have divided the American people by race and class. You have fanned the flames of intolerance, and have given your support to the violence and anti-Semitism of the 'occupy Wall Street movement'.
We the people reserve the right to impeach you, and remove you from your current residence for your role in Operation Fast and Furious, as well as your administration's unprecendented level of corruption and criminal activity.
On November 6, 2012, your landlords (the voters) are going to evict you. Be out of the White House by January 20, 2013.
J. Redsquirrel.
Last week, America learned of your re-election strategy includes the writing off of the white working class. Wow. Just.....wow. How is even possible that a U.S. President can even get away with admitting this in public?
Instead, your re-election campaign will concentrate on support from college academics, artistes, actors, unionistas, and of course, the black and Hispanic 'underclass'. By publicly disclosing that your 2012 campaign will not even seek the white, working class vote, you are really bragging that you have destroyed the white working class, and are trying to marginalize this voting block. It also proves that you are racist, as well as a liar.
In 2008, you ran as a post-racial candidate. As President, you have divided the American people by race and class. You have fanned the flames of intolerance, and have given your support to the violence and anti-Semitism of the 'occupy Wall Street movement'.
We the people reserve the right to impeach you, and remove you from your current residence for your role in Operation Fast and Furious, as well as your administration's unprecendented level of corruption and criminal activity.
On November 6, 2012, your landlords (the voters) are going to evict you. Be out of the White House by January 20, 2013.
J. Redsquirrel.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
The Rick Santorum Strategy?
There was a Major League baseball season , sometime in the 1980's (was it 1987, or was it 1984?), when each team in the American League West held first place for at least day, before one of the teams finished the season on top, and won the AL West.
This Republican Presidential campaign reminds me of that season. It started out with that Mormon with the great hair on top, then Minnesota Michele won the Iowa Straw Pole, and challenged him for the top spot in the polls. Then, Texas Rick entered the race, and stole Michele's thunder.
Then, Texas Rick started putting his foot in his mouth, and The Pizza Guy made his move. Then, his campaign was rocked by charges of impropriety with women (not his wife), and The Pizza Guy fell back in the pack.
Now, we have the Former Speaker Newt making a charge. The news media, as well as members of the conservative media, are already attacking him. As soon as you lead in the polls, you're attacked by your opponents as well as the mainstream news media.
There are three candidates who have yet to lead in the polls. John Huntsman, Ron Paul, and Rick Santorum. As long as bad news keep knocking the top tier candidates off the top of the hill, maybe the second tier isn't that bad a place to be.
If Santorum can get the Republican base to take him as a serious contender, maybe he can make that surprising, late-season surge that can take him to the GOP convention in August 2012, then maybe he can win the pennant, and go on to win the World Series...
I mean, the 2012 Presidential Election.
(Disclaimer: The RedSquirrel Report is a blog that parodies the news and news makers of the day. Your bushy-tailed reporter isn't a professional pundit. If you're a gambler, and decide to bet on former Senator Rick Santorum to win the election next year, please bet responsibly. Thank you.)
This Republican Presidential campaign reminds me of that season. It started out with that Mormon with the great hair on top, then Minnesota Michele won the Iowa Straw Pole, and challenged him for the top spot in the polls. Then, Texas Rick entered the race, and stole Michele's thunder.
Then, Texas Rick started putting his foot in his mouth, and The Pizza Guy made his move. Then, his campaign was rocked by charges of impropriety with women (not his wife), and The Pizza Guy fell back in the pack.
Now, we have the Former Speaker Newt making a charge. The news media, as well as members of the conservative media, are already attacking him. As soon as you lead in the polls, you're attacked by your opponents as well as the mainstream news media.
There are three candidates who have yet to lead in the polls. John Huntsman, Ron Paul, and Rick Santorum. As long as bad news keep knocking the top tier candidates off the top of the hill, maybe the second tier isn't that bad a place to be.
If Santorum can get the Republican base to take him as a serious contender, maybe he can make that surprising, late-season surge that can take him to the GOP convention in August 2012, then maybe he can win the pennant, and go on to win the World Series...
I mean, the 2012 Presidential Election.
(Disclaimer: The RedSquirrel Report is a blog that parodies the news and news makers of the day. Your bushy-tailed reporter isn't a professional pundit. If you're a gambler, and decide to bet on former Senator Rick Santorum to win the election next year, please bet responsibly. Thank you.)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)