I'm here at The House of Representative Building, measuring the new drapes I'll be ordering for when The Blue Wave washes away the Republican majority on November 6.
Also, I'm planning our Halloween Party. Dianne Feinstein is already bobbing for bribes with some friends from China.
Members of our Democrat caucus are decked out like AntiFa thugs, breaking into Republican offices and spray-painting their walls. Later on, they will be throwing toilet paper and eggs all over the White House.
Our members are just engaging in some of that 'Democrat civility' you keep hearing about on the news.
After the Democrats take back Congress, expect non-stop investigations! We'll impeach The Great Orange Pumpkin Trump as well as Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh!
Say goodbye to your Trump tax cuts. Next year, scaaaaary IRS agents will replace cute trick-or-treaters at your door!
My Democrat colleagues are putting together some really scary costumes. Representative Maxine Waters will be a scary apple tree from The Wizard of Oz, George Soros will be evil Emperor Palpatine, and New York Senator Charles Schumer will be Grandpa Munster!
As usual, Representative Frederica Wilson will wear what she wears every day, because she believes EVERY day is Halloween.
I just hope the Republicans don't call for an exorcist. The unclean spirit living inside my head wouldn't like that.
That's all for now,
Nancy Pelosi, former and future Speaker of The United States House of Representatives.
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