His wife says that Santa has stopped eating, and she is worried sick. St. Nick spends his days and nights throwing darts at the Barack Obama dartboard in his office. Still, our guy spoke to him, and St. Nick had this to say:
God-dammit, I hate that asshole's stinking guts. How could nice, normal Americans ever elect that jack-ass TWICE? I get thousands of letters from sweet kids asking me to get their mommies and daddies a nice present because they've been laid off or had their hours cut due to Obamacare.
I know when you've been naughty, and I know when you've been nice, but that sociopath maniac Obama is just plain EVIL!
Innocent people are getting slaughtered by sick Islamo-Nazis all over, and that jack-ass says that 'climate change' is America's greatest national security threat? Dear God, as someone who works and lives at The North Pole, I don't mind a little global warming once in a while. It's nice to have it in the upper 30's instead of 20 below.
Our correspondent asked Santa what will Barack Obama be getting in his Christmas stocking:
Last year, and the year before that, he got a big, steaming reindeer turd. This year, I'm filling a paper bag with a huge turd, and setting it on fire on the White House front step. President Creepy will see it, and try to stomp out the flaming bag. One of my elves will videotape it, and put it on YouTube. Security is so lousy at The White House, we will probably accomplish this undetected.
Of course, Obama's Attorney General Loretta Lynch will probably put me on Obama's 'terrorist watch list'.
That ass-hole is bitching about Donald Trump not wanting any more Muslim troublemakers into America. Meanwhile, that anti-Christian bigot Obama refuses to allow persecuted Christians into the country. Effing creep. Damn, I hate his filthy, stinking guts.
Then, our correspondent asked Santa what will be the most popular gift he will be putting under American Christmas trees:
GUNS!!!! LOTS OF GUNS!!!! Listen, America's in trouble, and I'll be putting 20 million guns under American Christmas trees this year. I'm also doing this in Sweden and Norway, and any other place where these idiot governments keep letting violent Muslims into their countries.
A LOT of girls and women need to start protecting themselves from these goat-fucking, violent animals. Rape by Muslim males is rampant in these countries.
As for that prick Obama, he's been sending his commie union bosses up here to unionize our elves. I'm thinking about quitting, or maybe becoming a defense contractor. Maybe then that idiot will get off my case.
Finally, our correspondent wished Santa a Merry Christmas. To that, Santa huffed:
Oh yeah, Ho, ho, ho....whatever.