Monday, July 30, 2012

The Little Debbie Diet

Your bushy-tailed correspondent is currently on an incredibly effective diet. It's called The Little Debbie Diet.

Our friends at the McKee Corporation, makers of Little Debbie Swiss roll cakes and nutty bars, have recently changed their packaging....

....and their weight-watching customers, myself included, have noticed the difference.

Many Little Debbie customers have lost inches on their waistlines, and many happy customers have lost up to 15 lbs. in just months.

The Little Debbie Diet works, because when the customer looks at the new packaging, they lose their appetite:

Chick-fil-A: Thank God For Our Enemies

Wow. Those folks at Chick-fil-A are marketing geniuses.

Chick-fil-A President Dan Cathy was interviewed on CNN, and plainly told the host that he believes in the traditional definition of marriage. (One man, one woman. It was also President Obama's position just six months ago).

Apparently, free speech brings out the crazies in the Democrat party. Maniacal, desk-stabbing Mayor of Chicago (and former Obama chief-of-staff ) Rahm "dead fish" Emanuel immediately released a statement:

'Chick-fil-A's values are not Chicago values'.

This resulted in an avalanche of ridicule, especially on Twitter. Overwhelmed with out-of-control gang violence, as well as it's reputation as the most corrupt city in America, the wacky mayor instead attacked the squeaky-clean Christian businessman.

Chicago alderman Joe Moreno re-assured the citizens of Chicago that he and Emanuel are on the case. They can't do anything about the murder or corruption, but they will
keep Chick-fil-A from expanding in the city of the big shoulders.

Then, the idiotic Mayor of Boston Thomas Menino also got into the act. I guess these Democrat mayors get bored with wrecking cities, and...."Look! Squirrel!" need to distract America from their ineptitude. That's one thing they've learned from Our Little Dictator. Not wanting to be out-done, the ultra-progressive Mayor of San Francisco Edwin M. Lee tweeted this:

Wow. You would think with these Democrat powerhouses lined up against Chick-fil-A, it's gotta be bad for business. Think again.

It appears that these intolerant, ultra-progressive weenies are really marketing geniuses.

This week, people are lining up around the corner, straights and gays, conservatives and liberals, with a healthy appetite for a good chicken sandwich. Normal Americans are making a trip to the local Chick-fil-A. In fact, it has become a CAUSE for supporters of free speech.

Your bushy-tailed correspondent thinks that Chick-fil-A should send a big 'thank you' to those predictable. intolerant leftists in charge of Chicago, San Francisco, and Boston.

Mr. Cathy should send a sandwich and a note that reads:

Dear Mayors Emanuel, Menino, Lee,      

Thanks on behalf of The Chick-fil-A family. Coming at us was a stroke of MARKETING GENIUS! Because of your ridiculous, mean-spirited attempts to shut a Christian businessman up, business has never been better! Cluck Cluck CHA-CHING!!!

Your friends at Chick-fil-A

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Escape (The Zombie Apocalypse Song)

Remember that really catchy tune that put an end to the misery that was the 1970's--- "Escape (The Pina Colada Song)" by Rupert Holmes? The other day I was humming the song while thinking about the crazy drug zombies we've been reading about lately.

Before I knew it, a song parody was born. Here's my little song parody for all you wacky drug zombies out there. Enjoy!

I snorted a line of bath salts
The buzz was good n' strong
My source sold me some great stuff
But something went wrong
I went a little crazy
I rolled on the floor
I thought my body was on fire
Ran naked out the front door

If you like to eat a human face
Getting shot by the cops
Running around with no clothes on
Until you are fatally dropped
If you wanna get on the news
If eyeballs look like grapes
It's the Zombie Apocalypse 
Where there is no escape

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

It's Only July. What Will Team Obama Accuse Romney Of Next?

Cue the George Thorogood guitar riff, because that Mitt Romney must be one bad-to-the-bone Mormon.

Earlier this month, he spoke before the National Association for the Advancement of Leftist Colored People. The state-run news media ignored the fact that Romney received a standing ovation. Instead, the Obama media sycophants concentrated only on the negative reaction Romney received when he told the gathering that, if elected, he will gut Obama Care.

Instead, The Obama campaign and their allies in the state-run news media accused candidate Romney of being a racist, deliberately getting booed in order to appeal to white southern voters. What a cracker.

Then, truth-challenged Obama Campaign hack Stephanie Cutter insinuated that Romney had committed a FELONY by lying to the Securities and Exchange Commission. She made the false charge that Romney lied about leaving Bain Capital in 1999, remaining with the company while he was busy turning around the scandal-ridden Winter Olympics.

Damn, that Romney fixes troubled businesses AND The Olympics? Why couldn't he spend his time doing something REALLY PRODUCTIVE, like community organizing?

Obama's Chief Thug David Axelrod suggested that it's difficult to know if Romney was a felon, but that he probably did commit a felony.

Also, their boss Obama has called Romney 'A pioneer in out-sourcing.' This coming from the President who out-sourced the OUR SPACE PROGRAM to the Russians.

According to Team Obama, Romney is a racist, a felon, and an out-sourcer, and this is only July. So, what's next? Maybe if Team Obama accuse him of having a kinky romp with actress Jeri Ryan, they can force him out of the race.

Team Obama appears to be panicking, throwing as many baseless accusations as they can, hoping that something will stick. We know that Obama is abusing his office by harassing Romney donors.

It is weird to watch the gang from Chicago, far and away the most corrupt bunch ever to infest The White House, go after someone as squeaky clean as the Former Massachusetts Governor.

It's almost as if Team Obama refuses to run on their wonderful record. I wonder why.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

The Greatest Movie Trailer Of All Time

On Twitter, I saw the trailer for "The Obama Effect". THE. GREATEST. MOVIE. TRAILER. OF ALL TIME!!!!

The new film is directed and stars actor Charles Dutton. You may remember him as the rotund star of TVs "Roc".

Judging from the trailer, I hope that The Obama Effect is just a crazy satire of The Messiah's supporters. The story starts in 2008, and Dutton's character has a heart attack, but miraculously survives. He believes somehow that Presidential candidate Barack Hussein Obama has healed him, and goes about dedicating himself to The One's candidacy.

Watch and marvel, as Dutton fills his living room with images of Obama, annoying his wife. He wears a suit with Obama's image prominently stitched in. With the large suit, the girthy actor resembles one of those basketballs with Our Dear Leader's image printed on it. The main character is filled with a precious religious fervor, behaving as if he's been baptized in the Obama fever swamp.

He preaches his gospel of Obama to family and friends, chasing neighbors around, yelling "We'll make history!"

Our hero floats into his evil WHITE boss's office, and quits his job. Later on in this insane trailer, there seemed to be someone resembling a gangsta rapper in a large, white bed with SIX HOT HOS. I wonder if there was an ACORN office next door.

A young relative tells our hero that he can't vote because he is a convict. It's too bad, because had Obama been President, his Attorney General would fix THAT. In fact, he could join the New Black Panthers Party, and keep law-abiding whites from voting.

The trailer was truly loontastic, but I think this movie could have been made better had there been a John McCain character who turned out to be The Antichrist. Or maybe there could have been a Wicked McCain of the West who sent flying GOP monkeys to kidnap Obama voters, disenfranchising them.

There also could have been a scene where Dutton parts The Red Sea, with the help of his Messiah.

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Starship's Grace Slick Responds To Obama's Latest Rant

You take away his teleprompter, and his insulting, inner demagogue comes flying out.

It was a couple weeks since Our Little Commie had last insulted the private sector, so during his rant in Roanoke, Virginia, he said:

"Somebody helped to create this unbelievable system that we have that allowed you to thrive. Somebody invested in roads and bridges. If you've got a business-you didn't build that. Somebody else made that happen."

You see, in Obama's perverted worldview, the government is everything. Only his beloved, wonderful government makes things possible. The pursuit of your dreams and hard work are absolutely meaningless to this statist from Indonesia.

Most Americans know that America is a place where free people do their daily hustle. Americans own hardware stores, create automobiles, groom pets, buy and sell stock, run day-care centers, teach, build houses, counts the money underneath the bar, writes the wrecking ball in two-part guitar, and do countless other things. People work day shifts, graveyard shifts. and their bosses are ALWAYS worried about making payroll.

Then there's the farmer, who's work is NEVER done.

One of these Americans that have done pretty well for themselves is the former singer of Jefferson Airplane/Jefferson Starship/Starship, Grace Slick. We at The RedSquirrel Report asked Ms. Slick her thoughts on the latest Obama rant against the private sector.

After all, she sang We Built This City on Rock and Roll:

Thanks, RedSquirrel....

Mr. Obama, you really stepped in it this time.

You might not know it, but us Americans are proud of our unique culture. We value freedom, and the daily bustle. Every day, there are millions of 'selfish' people with somewhere to go and something to do. You would know this if you were really an American. It's too bad you never learned that.

While you were eating dog meat and cloistered away in your leftist schools learning to hate America, Americans were busy building, and we really don't need you telling us  'We didn't build THAT'.

A lot of voters were Knee Deep In The Obama Hoopla in 2008, but you keep insulting us with your snide, anti-American insinuations. You're even losing liberals. There are lots of entrepreneurial, proud Democrats who also hate to be denigrated.

Government has it's place, but government isn't everything.

In 1985, my band Starship had a major pop hit with 'We Built This City'. It has become a staple on oldies pop radio, and it was also named 'the WORST pop song of all time'.

The song has it's detractors (me included), but I would rather be forced to listen to a continuous loop of this song, played non-stop than listen to you badmouth my country.

If you dislike private enterprise so much, then go back to Kenya or Indonesia or go the third-world dictatorship of your choice.

Grace Slick

Monday, July 16, 2012

Joe The Cartoonist's White Privilege Report

Hi, everybody. This is Joe The Cartoonist. The boss is on special assignment, so I would like to tell you white people about this wonderful initiative The Fairness Campaign, brought to you courtesy of those academic geniuses at The University of Minnesota-Duluth.

They put up billboards and wrote on white faces, and taught this racist country that white America they cannot see racism, because they are white. Even if you grew up poor, you're still guilty. Damn you, America. Damn you bitter clingers.

Our friends from The Fairness Campaign could have consulted with me, because I am one of those guilty white people, who DOES SEE my white privilege. I'm one white guy who gets it.

I work at the Fort Snelling Officer's Club in St. Paul, Minnesota. It is a Air Force civilian open mess. We serve parties, weddings, as well as food in our bars.

Last week, we served a wedding party. I'd say 80% of the guests were black. Our entire service staff was white. Damn the injustice!

The Fairness Campaign states that if you're white, people don't stare at you when you walk into the room, so you can't relate to the black experience. I don't recall staring at the black guests as they streamed into the club. We were happy to have their business.

As we began the evening service, I saw that some of the water carafes had become empty, so I heaped indignity on our black guests by refilling the carafes with ice-water. As Daffy Duck would say, "Shoot me now!"

I'm not absolutely sure, but I'm pretty sure that none of my co-workers were born with a silver spoon in their mouth. We work in the food service industry.

I just hope that this racist country will get it's racist act together, and re-elect our wonderful clean, articulate President. I think it's terrible those rascally Republicans keep pointing out that Obama is absolutely unqualified to be President.

The racist meanies.

The Democrats Actually Tweeted THIS:

I actually found this on Twitter last week:

"Everything bad that's happened under Romney, he blames on other people, and that just isn't very presidential...."  (@TheDemocrats July 12, 2012)

I had to make sure this didn't come from some smart aleck conservative with a Twitter parody page PRETENDING to speak on behalf of @TheDemocrats.

After three and a half years of blaming George W. Bush for everything except for the Great Plague, you scratch your head and wonder, 'Is there ANYBODY on the other side who has the self-awareness to know this tweet will be roundly ridiculed?'

So, I shot off three tweets in rapid succession to the individual responsible. It went something like this:



Then, I wrapped it up....


Thursday, July 12, 2012

Maybe Obama And Holder Will Turn Themselves In

Here at The RedSquirrel Report, we generally have fun with the news of the day, but this Fast and Furious scandal has my brain on fire with anger.

This country has never seen a gang in The White House this corrupt before. The Obama Regime's massive, overwhelming corruption is so grotesque, it seems like they're turning America into something you'd see in a third-world dictatorship. I never thought this could happen to us.

But yesterday I read something on my Twitter timeline that I simply cannot believe.

But first, let's cover some ground concerning the biggest scandal in this country's history, Operation Fast and Furious.

Two years ago, Attorney General Eric Holder sold automatic weapons to Mexican drug dealers, and subsequently, about 300 people along the Mexican-American border have been killed by these guns, as well as two American Border Agents, Bryan Terry(pictured) and Jaime Zapata.

Two weeks ago, AG Holder was cited for contempt of Congress, for withholding information concerning his role in this 'operation'.

Obama and Holder's idea was to create so much death and mayhem that the American people would then demand stricter gun control laws. It is common knowledge that Our Little Dictator is an opponent of the Second Amendment of the Constitution that guarantees our right to bear arms.

Which brings us to what Attorney General Holder did yesterday.

AG Holder offered a million dollars for information leading to the arrest of the killer of Border Agent Bryan Terry.

First they sell these damned guns to Mexican drug dealers, and now they are offering the reward. Wow. wow. wow. wow..........(It's still sinking in)....Just. wow.

I guess I should be glad that Obama and Holder didn't offer a trillion-dollar award, turn themselves in, and then arrange to have all charges dropped.

We've never seen anything like this in America before. I do not how Bryan Terry's family can possibly manage to deal with what has happened.

Oh, and one more thing. The Obama Administration armed our border agents with BEAN BAGS. As agent Terry was being gunned down, he had practically NOTHING to defend himself with.

Are you STILL thinking about voting for Obama in November? God help you.

Hey Obama, Stop Yer Whining

The Anti-Christ is watching the news right now somewhere, and throwing a beer can at the TV.

He's probably watching Our Little Commie making another insane pronouncement before the student body at ANOTHER community college. The students are stupid enough to believe Obama's spiel, glad to get out of their remedial English class.

As the man of perdition watches Obummer, he's thinking,'Who the Hell does this pipsqueak think he is? I'M THE ONE who's supposed to come out of nowhere, and have millions blindly following me!'

Then the Anti-Christ stumbles out of his easy chair, and fires up the ole computer, and checks out the email in-box.

"What!!!! Another Obama campaign request!!!?"

Today, Obama is crying about being out-raised and/or outspent by his opponent, former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney. Of course, EVERYTHING that Obama and his surrogates say is a bald-faced lie.

If you're a conservative blogger, there's a good chance that you also get these campaign request emails. The next time you get an email of Obummer sobbing about being outspent by his opponent, send them this message:

Dear Mr. President, I received your email, and I suggest you call the....

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Happy Fourth Of July, America

                                      From President Barack Hussein Obama

Democrat National Convention: Need Seat Fillers?

In 2008, candidate Barack Hussein Obama won his party's nomination with unprecedented fanfare, giving his epic acceptance speech before Greek columns at the football stadium where the NFL's Denver Broncos play their home games. Most Democrats actually believed that he could lower the sea levels.

What a difference three and a half years makes. America is angry, the economy is depressed, and her citizens are horribly divided. Our Little Dictator has broken all his promises, and the unbeatable juggernaut of Obama faces a mutiny within his own party.

There is much talk of party luminaries, such as Missouri Senator Claire Mccaskill, refusing to attend the Democrat National Convention in Charlotte, North Carolina.

Some Democrats fear rioting. Gee, I don't know why. After all, this is the party of Occupy Wall Street, The New Black Panther Party, and our purple-shirted friends, The Services Employees International Union.

So, it's in a spirit of bipartisanship I direct the following question to those running this years' national convention:

Dear Democrat National Convention Committee,

I understand that you're expecting a lot of empty seats for Our Dear Leader's re-nomination . America can't let this happen, so I was just wondering if you would consider hiring Republican seat-fillers.

I am sure that you'd have no trouble finding a couple hundred conservative bloggers who wouldn't mind working for three days. We're bloggers. Most of us are shameless self-promoters, and would like an opportunity to seen on nationwide TV.

Your convention WILL be televised, right? I heard that your shindig has been cut down to three days.

I'm sure there's a few of us conservative bloggers who wouldn't mind being part of your convention. We promise not to drown out Our Dear Leader's acceptance speech with loud booing, although some smart aleck MAY hand out kazoos.

All we would want are some press passes, although Juan Williams doesn't think we are #realreporters. We're #justbloggers.

We wait for your answer with baited breath.

Thursday, July 5, 2012

AG Holder: F.U., I'm Going To Disneyland

Sorry RedSquirrel Readers, but I've been in Northern Minnesota for a few days, and am just trying to catch up on the news of the past week.

Last Thursday, the Supreme Court ruled that The Obama Unavoidable Health Tax Act was constitutional. The majority decided it was a tax, after Obama's lawyers argued that it wasn't.

Then, the House of Representatives voted to cite Attorney General Eric 'The WithHolder' Holder with contempt of Congress, in relation to his reluctance to give truthful information under oath. If I lied under oath, that would make me a perjurer.

Oh, he also sold guns to Mexican drug dealers that resulted in hundreds of murders, as well as the execution-styled murder of Border Agent Brian Terry. I hear that all this gun-related violence was supposed to make the American people more supportive of stricter gun control laws.

Well, when you're trying to make an omelet I guess you gotta break a few eggs. Right?

Then, AG Holder decided to say, 'I'll show you, House of Representatives', by going on a trip to Disneyland. Did he sell any guns to anybody there?

I'm just trying to catch up here, folks. Is it true that Our Child Dictator had to get out of the country for the Fourth of July? I understand. I'd probably do the same thing if I had access to Air Force One and hated America.

Sorry, I've Been Away This Week

My last post was on June 26, and I've been up north since Monday. I haven't payed much attention to what's been going on in the world this week.

It's July 5th, 6:22 CST, and I have a question. Is Obama Care still a tax or is it a penalty? Or maybe it's free health care, but only if you're a 26-year-old living with your parents. Perhaps it's free, but only for illegal aliens.

In all the hubbub centering on the ruling by SCOTUS one week ago,  I forgot to congratulate Our Fraudster-in-Chief on his terrific victory.

I am sure that he must exceedingly pleased with this fraudulent law, passed with kick-backs and bribes. Our federal legislative process was twisted in to a pretzel barely recognizable to most Americans, then Chief Justice John Roberts told us with his tie-breaking opinion that it's not HIS job to protect OUR FREEDOM.

This law that was written by congressional aides, probably to give Congrab something akin to plausible deniability.

Let's just say it. Obama Care is the worst piece of legislation ever conceived by human beings. At least we THINK it was written by human beings. This terrible law will literally eat America alive.

On a personal note, I wish to make an announcement. I am an illegal alien. Thank you.