Condescending Wonka Reports From The DNC 2020

Here to wrap up his report of the Democrat National Convention 2020 is our political correspondent Condescending Wonka:

Wow, so I ran into Michelle Obama after her big DNC speech where she told America that things can get so much worse unless we elect Joe Biden. I asked her if she was 'just sayin'' or that she and her 'Take The High Road Coalition' were planning more violent race riots and maybe a pandemic worse than Covid 19.

I told her it must be hard making America a kinder, more just place......

Then I ran into former Republican John Kasich. I asked him if he switched over to the Democrats because the news media sucks up to Democrats while attacking Republicans non-stop.

I complimented him on his courage...................

Then, I had a chance to speak to Former President Barack Obama. I just wondered about that part of his DNC speech where he suggested that President Trump would never be a good president. 

I asked Barry if he really believed  the American economy is revived with the use of a 'magic wand.'

Then, I asked him if it showed good character to take credit for the roaring economy while he couldn't improve the economy at all in his 8 years in office.

I congratulated him on his scandal-free administration. That is, if you don't include Benghazi, the Russian hoax, the IRS harassment of conservatives, and airplanes full of cash to the Iranian mullahs.

I've noticed dictators seldom experience scandals. Also, the news media gave Obama an 8-year tongue bath.

Finally, I congratulated him on uniting the leftists and race rioters against the police.

Then, I ran into former President Bill Clinton after his speech, where he castigated President Trump for sullying the prestige of The Oval Office.

Bill Clinton turned a 21-year-old White House intern into a 'human Thermador' . Bravo, Mr. President! I compare you with Abraham Lincoln saving the union!

Then, I spoke briefly with Democrat presidential nominee Joe Biden. I asked him if he really believed that 'there was nothing we could do if we did it together.' I told him that line brought a tear to my eyes!!

He must have practiced that line for hours!

Well, that's it from The Democrat National Convention 2020 in Milwaukee. So long!

SONG PARODY ALERT!! Billie Eilish Sings The DNC Themesong (I Had A Dream)

The dismal 2020 Democrat National Convention mercifully ended last week. Between Michelle Obama's threat against normal Americans, her husband's douchetastic trashing of President Trump, and presidential nominee Joe Biden's speech where he told the American people that there is nothing we can do if we do it together, it's a wonder that the switchboards at the Suicide Hotline didn't explode.

Your bushy-tailed correspondent isn't a masochist, so I didn't watch it. What I know of the DNC I heard on talk radio. I heard sound clips from this depressing, dystopian attack on President Trump and the country most of us love.

I heard that pop star Billie Eilish made a short statement where she attacked the president and threw her support behind Joe Biden. Of that, I am not surprised. On most of her songs, she usually sounds like she has over-dosed on downers

Ms. Eilish could have wrote the theme song of The Democrat National Convention, remaking one of her hits, the rather trippy, underwater  Everything I Wanted:

I had a dream. 
We elected Joe Biden.
I told you to vote
like your life depended on it

Now we're living in a nightmare. 
Your overlords they don't care
My head must have been fried (fried)
Good-bye Free-dom
Spoiled brats cried (cried, cried, cried, cried)
We didn't even notice
Now the government robs the nation
They call it 'reparations'.....

I had a dream.
We elected Kamala Harris
I am so woke, I see
now I am not free

She said 'I believed his accuser'
but I want to be his VP
I'm a vicious liar
We'll send Joe to a nursing home
Then we'll change
This evil, racist country
I take your guns and your freedom
You don't deserve it

You'll want to scream
but I will stifle your freedom
No freedom of speech
We'll rob you 'cause you're greedy

The cities are still burning
millennials still not learning

HEADLINE: WHAT PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE BIDEN REALLY MEANT TO SAY..............

A Vote For Ilhan Omar

A vote for Ilhan Omar is a vote for marriage fraud and immigration fraud.

A vote for Ilhan Omar is a vote for anti-Semitism.

A vote for Ilhan Omar is a vote for hate.

A vote for Ilhan Omar is a vote for big-government giveaways and punishing people who work.

A vote for Ilhan Omar is a vote for outrageous anti-Americanism.

A vote for Ilhan Omar is a vote for one big embarrassment after another for the 5th District.

A vote for Ilhan Omar is a vote for corruption.

A vote for Ilhan Omar is a vote for self-serving politicians.

A vote for Ilhan Omar is a vote for America's enemies.

A vote for Ilhan Omar is a vote for The Democrat Hate Squad.

A vote for Ilhan Omar is a vote for support of Islamic extremist bullies like CAIR.

The Return Of Carnac The Magnificent: News Analyst From The East

Ladies and gentlemen, I am pleased to announce the return of that mystical visitor from the East. He is the soothsayer, sage, seer, and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez's American History teacher.... CARNAC THE MAGNIFICENT!!!

I hold in my hand the envelopes. As a low-information voter can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed. They have been kept in a mayonnaise jar on House Speaker Nancy Pelosi's porch since noon today.

NO ONE knows the contents of these envelopes-but Carnac, in his mystical and borderline divine way, will ascertain the answers never having heard the questions.


Envelope Number One: Corruption, Marriage Fraud, and Immigration fraud

(He opens the envelope:) Name three things that are considered resume enhancers in Minnesota's Fifth Congressional District. 



Envelope Number Two: A highway, a chicken, and Minnesota Governor Tim Walz.

(He opens the envelope:) Name something  that is tarred,  something that has feathers, and somebody who should be tarred and feathered.....


Envelope Number Three: The Minnesota Miracle

(He opens the envelope) Describe the next time a Republican wins a statewide election in Minnesota.



Envelope Number Four: 45

(He opens the envelope) What is the average I.Q. of The Minneapolis City Council?



I hold in my hand the final envelope. Everyone applauds loudly.


May a bloated hippopotamus make bubbles in your Jacuzzi...............


Envelope Number Five: Mr. Potato Head, Clint Eastwood, and Minneapolis Mayor Jacob Frey

(He opens the envelope;) Name a spud, a stud, and a dud.

The Difference Between Republicans And Democrats, Part 2

Today is Primary Day in Minnesota, and voters throughout the state are choosing their favorite candidates. The winners today will face each other in the general election on November 3.

We here at The RedSquirrel Report feels that it's important to educate the voters on the issues, and that voting is your civic duty. Your vote is your voice, and our government should be a reflection of what We The People expect from our public officials.

Generally speaking, there are important differences between the two major parties, especially more now than ever.  If you still don't know which party you feel more closely aligned with, just take this test:

Question One: If you were a police officer, which of these would you arrest?

1. A rioter breaking windows, stealing a TV, or burning a business down, or
2. Someone not wearing a Covid 19 face mask in a grocery store

Question Two: What word or words describe someone smashing windows, setting fire to businesses, and assaulting police officers in a neighborhood or city?

1. Vandals, rioters, thugs, violent criminals
2. 'Protesters'

Question Three: Violent crime is out of control. What do you do about it?

1. Arrest the criminals
2. Abolish or de-fund the police

Question Four: Almost NO healthy, young Americans have died from Covid 19. Which agenda do you support?:

1. Open the economy
2. Close the economy

Question Five: You see someone wearing a 'Make America Great Again' hat. How do you react?

1. Thumbs up, Nod in agreement, or you don't react at all, or
2. Get violent, curse out the person wearing the hat.

Question Six: Minnesota Governor Tim Walz announces another executive order mandating the wearing of a face mask. You......
1. curse at the TV, or.
2. obey happily

Question Seven: You learn that Minnesota Representative Ilhan Omar married her brother (marriage fraud AND immigration fraud), badmouths America constantly, and was named 'Anti-Semite of the Year' by stopantisemitism.org, You:

1. will vote for her opponent, or,
2. will vote for her because you hate Orange Man Bad.

Question Eight: The presidential candidate you support should choose their running mate based on which criteria?:

1. Who is best-qualified, or
2. Skin color and gender

Question Nine: You've based your opinion about hydroxichloroquine on:

1. hearing that it helps people being treated for Covid 19, or,
2. You've heard from a guy you know that heard from another guy who said Orange Man Bad said something good about it, and you hate Orange Man Bad.

Question Ten: You believe that Facebook removes posts because:
1. They are leftists and regularly censor speech (mostly conservative) they disagree with, or,
2. Facebook protects us from hate speech and dangerous speech.



All right, pencils down. Now, give yourself 1 point for each time you picked 1, and 2 points for each time you picked 2.

Add your total. If your total score is 13 or less, you're a Republican! If your total is 15 or more, You're probably a Democrat. I recommend that you find a good psychiatrist. You're a danger to the country.

The Difference Between Republicans And Democrats

To a Republican, voter fraud is a problem. To a Democrat, voter fraud is a strategy.

On Election Day, Republicans get up, take a shower, go to work, vote, go home, and watch the election night coverage on TV.

Maybe, a Republican might wake up, take a shower, and vote BEFORE heading off to work. Some Republicans vote absentee.





Democrats vote early, vote often, like voting by mail, vote harvesting, 'finding votes' in the trunk of their cars, disenfranchising military voters serving overseas, recounting and recounting and recounting until they're ahead (then declaring victory), pushing for a reduction of the voting age, 'helping' old people vote, voting after they're dead, registering their pets to vote, busing illegal aliens to the voting booths, and waging lawfare.