Friday, February 23, 2018

Our Art Critic Reviews The New Obama Portraits


Everyone on Twitter is either offended by or amused with these recent portraits of Barack and Michelle Obama, so The RedSquirrel Report has asked our art critic to write a piece. Take it away, Jerome:

Thank you, RedSquirrel. The portrait of our Black savior Barack Obama by anti-White artist Kehinde Wiley, has been unveiled, and the regular, uneducated, right-wing racist plebes are offended. The messiah is seated on a chair, with one arm resting over the other.

I stood and looked at the portrait on the right side, then walked over to the left side. I could have sworn The Messiah's eyes followed me. It almost seems like there's a soul trapped inside the painting.

He sits before a wall of kudzu weeds. To me, this wall of weed depicts Chicago's Wrigley Field, which would be the only place in Obama's gun-free paradise where a messiah can model for a portrait without being shot. Perhaps he wanted to sit before  marijuana plants, but decided not to.

Kudzu is an invasive herb, fundamentally transforming everything in it's path. To me, this plant represents the growing federal government under his 9-year-reign. Kudzu laughs at The Racist Constitution, and chokes-out Lady Liberty.

The Messiah has four fingers on one hand and six fingers on the other, and that reminds the viewer that he is not like the rest of us.

The 'artist', Kihinde Wiley, is known for paintings depicting strong Black women beheading White women. White racists bring this up because they couldn't stand the thought of a Black man in the White House.


'Michelle Obama', by Amy Sherald, is depicted with long, flowing hair and soft, feminine features. The painting looks more like Rozonda 'Chilli' Thomas from the 90's singing group, TLC than the former First Lady.

The female in the panting isn't scowling, and her shoulders aren't broad like Labron James. If the former First Lady wasn't there to unveil the painting, nobody would know who the female in the painting was.

The Second Government Shutdown In Three Weeks

February 9, 2018 5:02 A.M.: .....and last night, the dysfunctional Republican-led Congress couldn't agree with themselves and pass a new budget, and the government shut down at midnight. This is the second federal government shut-down in three weeks. If you're visiting a federal park, the rangers will begin throwing you out.

Once again, the Republicans has shut America down. You can't visit The Washington Monument OR The Smithsonian Institute. Your bank will be closed. If you're on public assistance, you won't be able to see a doctor. Wait.....there's breaking news....

The Senate has just passed a budget............Remember all that stuff I mentioned a minute ago?....Nevermind................

Tuesday, February 13, 2018

Maxine Waters Responds To President Trump's SOTU

Americans responded very positively to President Trump's State Of The Union address a couple weeks ago. We at The RedSquirrel Report believe in getting ALL points of view, so we asked California Democrat Maxine Waters for her response to Trump's speech.

Take it away, Maxine....

Shut up, you racist rodent....

I boycotted it, but I'm here to deliver the Black response to Trump's First State Of The Union Address....

First things first. The racist maniac Trump wants to cut taxes as well as regulations. I don't think he has the decency or the intelligence to know what will result. Millions of new jobs for Americans? We Democrats depend on a large, permanent underclass that keeps us in power, but does he ever think of US???? No!!!! He's a damn racist.

My fellow Democrats refused to stand and applaud the lowest Black unemployment rate ever recorded. Us Democrats don't care about jobs. WE WANT REPARATIONS!! Jobs are for little people and honkeys.

Racist cops all over America are shooting innocent Black teenagers. I don't remember that monster with orange hair mentioning THAT in his State Of The Union blab fest! Nowhere in his SOTU did he propose taxpayer-funded statues of Trayvon Martin or Michael Brown! They were assassinated by White racists!! This country will never heal from it's racism!

That psychopath Trump wants people (EVEN UNDOCUMENTED IMMIGRANTS) to obey our laws. I say that laws are for racist honkeys! We Democrats believe in OPEN BORDERS!!!! We want new voters, and if the Rethuglicans won't agree to our demands, then I say we let everyone vote!! Mexicans, Hondurans, Iranians, ect.

Illinois Congressman Luis Gutierrez angrily stormed out of the room when the Rethuglicans chanted 'USA!!!USA!!!' The GOP RACISTS actually think we work for the American people. That's how out-of-touch these racists are!

Trump is undoing Barack Obama's legacy. My fellow Americans, this is grounds for IMPEACHMENT!!! We had fundamentally transformed America, and this interloper Trump has ruined everything we worked SO HARD FOR!!!

We had better get rid of this or this clown with orange hair will make the federal government work for racist normals!!!

That's it, Maxine out!!!

Monday, January 29, 2018

RedSquirrel's Hollywood Minute

Welcome to RedSquirrel's Hollywood Minute


Earlier this month, Oprah Winfrey gave men a real tongue-lashing during her impassioned acceptance speech at The Golden Globe Awards. But, we bet that you didn't know before that tongue-lashing....






....Oprah gave serial-movie mogul Harvey Weinstein a real tongue-LICKING....in the EAR!


Ooooh! Hooray for Hollywood! This has been your RedSquirrel's Hollywood Minute!


Tuesday, January 16, 2018

Vikings Fans Shouted Out Interjections

The Saints were ahead of our Vikings 24-22
It looked like our hometown team were gonna loo-oose
Diggs streaked down the sideline and it blew all of our minds
and we all started shouting out INTERJECTIONS!!!

Interjections: WOW, IT'S A MINNESOTA MIRACLE!!!!

Show excitement: SKOL, WE WON THE GAME!!!!

Or emotion: Dang, The Saint player whiffed on the tackle....

Interjections.....WOW! SKOL! DANG!!!!

They're generally set apart from a sentence by an exclamation point,
or by a comma when then feeling's not as strong.

RedSquirrel Predictions For 2018

Nearly everyone in Congress will be swallowed up in sex scandals in 2018. Almost half of all straight incumbents will either resign or be voted out.

After what happened in the city council elections in Minneapolis, hundreds of politicians running for office will get sex-change operations in 2018. Nearly all of them will win.

Democrats with no platform will keep trying to impeach President Trump. This will create a Republican super majority in the Senate.

Obeying the law will be considered racist.

Inyourfascism will be a thing in 2018. Non-White Americans and leftists will suddenly accost White Americans, get up in their faces and start yelling in an accusatory manner.

Special Investigator Robert Mueller will continue to pursue process crimes against  President Trump and his administration while ignoring (and in many cases, covering up) serious crimes committed by Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama and members of the previous administration.

Late night talk show hosts will be even less funny and more unbearably hateful and preachy in 2018.







Tuesday, January 9, 2018

Top 10 Liberal New Years Resolutions For 2018

10. Vote out all Republicans. How dare these bastards cut taxes and make America great again?

  9. Be even more unhinged and hateful

  8. Politicize absolutely everything

  7. Impeach President Trump

  6. Make America crappy again (fundamentally transform America)

  5. Spend more time screaming at the sky

  4. Spend more time on Twitter

  3. Vote at least 5 times on Election Day

  2. Finish the pillow fort in their Mom's basement

  1. File a lawsuit against a Christian baker