LeVar Ball's UnThanksgiving Prayer

Recently, three members of the UCLA college basketball squad were arrested in China for shoplifting. Our racist president secured their release, and one of the player's fathers, LaVar Ball, unthanked President Trump by taking to social media and insulting him.

We thought it would be nice to let Mr. Ball lead us in a Thanksgiving prayer:

Thanks, Redsquirrel. Oh wait a minute, I take it back. I don't walk around thanking people.

Let's bow our heads and fold our hands, and thank God for what we have. No, let's NOT bow our heads and fold our hands! Let's give that honky in the clouds a great, big 'mean mug'! Let's also not fold our hands, but rather stick our finger in his eye!

Dear Father, I WOULD thank you for all I have, but I really have only MYSELF to thank. You probably expect me to thank you for my family. Well, You didn't marry my wife, I DID!!! I ALSO HAD SEX with my kid's Mother, so I thank myself for my kids.

As for that idiot Donald Trump, I don't thank him for getting my kid out of the Chinese jail. The Chinese let him out, so if I was to thank anybody, I'd thank the great, morally superior people who run China....but I'm not necessarily thanking them.

You probably expect me to thank our heavenly father for our wonderful fighting men and women who defend our freedoms. Think again! If the Ruskies or ISIS invaded this country, I'd fight them off on Twitter!

As for this turkey and stuffing we're about to enjoy, I can only say 'Over the teeth, past the gums, look out stomach, here it comes!' Amen!