Wednesday, January 18, 2017

News You Can Use

Today, The RedSquirrel Report issues this media warning to viewers of CNN.

Our team of media scientists worked with human test subjects, and monitored them as they watched several cable news programs. According to these tests, we discovered that listening to CNN panelist Symone Sanders for just 1 minute destroys an average of 1,985,345 brain cells.

The level of brain damage spikes wildly after our test subjects hear Ms. Sanders spout numerous, extra-ridiculous remarks, such as her assertion that President-elect Donald Trump's slogan Make America Great Again 'takes us back to a time when we were in slavery.'

Our test subjects lost as much as 400,543 brain cells in the 2 seconds it took for Sanders to make that insane quip.

When 4 Black youths kidnapped and repeatedly assaulted a disabled White man in Chicago and screamed 'Fuck White people', Ms. Sanders blamed the President-elect for the attack. Our test subjects lost almost 4 million brain cells.

The RedSquirrel Report will stay on this important story. You're welcome.

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