My Fellow Americans,
Happy Halloween, it's the creep in The White House, Barack Hussein Obama.
Our party is already in full swing! Foreign leaders and lobbyists are bobbing for bribes in the Clinton Foundation Room. I've rigged the election, so I'm already letting Hillary move in.
Michelle is harvesting pumpkins from the victory garden, and she'll carve a scary Trump-O-Lantern. Speaking of Trump, our friends at CNN are hanging the Scary Orange Man on the front lawn in effigy.
I'm looking out the window, and I can see The Great Pumpkin. No, that's just New Jersey Governor Chris Christie. Oh no, those troublemakers James O'Keefe from Project Veritas and Julian Assange from Wikileaks are throwing eggs at my house. I better call AG Loretta Lynch and tell her to arrest them.
First Rapist Bill Clinton has arrived in his giant penis costume. Now, some of our guests have arrived as ISIS fighters. Hey, I think that's Colin Kaepernick. Later, as your kids go trick-or-treating, Me and Hillary will be going door-to-door confiscating your guns.
This party is downright scary, but this is nothing compared with the horrors America will experience after Hillary is coronated! Things will really get freaky when she gets her hands on the Supreme Court, then replace Obamacare with Single Payer!!
Your premiums will make your hair stand on end!
Now Jay-Z and Beyonce have arrived as Black Lives Matter thugs, and there's Hillary's VP pick Tim Kaine as Count Obnoxious....
Oh, and there's MSNBC's Lawrence O'Donnell in a straight jacket. Waitaminnut, that's not a Halloween costume....and here comes some of Hillary's friends from the UN. It's Like the Star Wars bar room scene!!
We just got some little trick-or-treaters in cute drug lord costumes, so I'm putting toy guns in their sacks....
....At least I think those were toys.....
Well, we should keep this party going until America wises up and votes us out.