Tuesday, May 10, 2016

Kasich Drops Out And Feeds His Face

The day after Texas Senator and presidential candidate Ted Cruz suspended his campaign, Ohio Governor John Kasich announced that he too is dropping out of the race. He made his announcement at a Cincinnati Arby's:

"I wish that I could stay in this race (dips his sandwich into a condiment cup of au jus, then takes a large bite) but um notmgettin enoughm votes (He swallows the bite, and as the food goes down his gullet, there's a pained expression on his face).

I've never mentioned this before, but I am the son of a mailman....(He takes ANOTHER bite as photographers take pictures) andm um so proud ofum where I cameumfromummmm....I'mummm so proud of my staffummmm, as well as muh family ummmmmm)

(He forces the food down his throat, and begins talking again) I am so proud of my great home state of Ohio, and the God-fearing residents who work so hard and raise their kids, and..... (He takes ANOTHER bite as photographers take more pictures) family valuesummm an' doing the right thingsmmmmm.....................

Belch.......................God Bless America, and God Bless the great state of Ohio!"


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