Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Yakov Smirnoff Reports From The 2015 Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade

Hello America! This is Yakov Smirnoff, reporting from the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. Since Communist Mayor Bill DeBlasio was elected, the local authorities felt that it was time for a change to this grand Thanksgiving Day tradition.

Gone are the festive floats, high school marching bands, and big, happy Snoopy, Garfield, and SpongeBob SquarePants balloons. In fact, I don't see hardly any police to keep order. They've been replaced by President Obama's Personal Civilian Security. 

Grand Marshal Comrade Mayor Bill DeBlasio blows his whistle! Either he's starting the parade, or he caught someone in possession of a salty food!

Leading the parade this year is our friends at Occupy Wall Street, complete with a drum circle! Oh is crapping on a police car! There ARE police here, after all! Either that, or the car was stolen.

Here comes a float with former Mayor-for-life Michael Bloomberg, waving to the crowd. Uh oh, angry New Yorkers are throwing their cups of soda at him!

Here come The Black Lives Matter float! They're jumping off the float......onto another stolen police car! Now, they're tipping it over....

Now, here comes our first balloon! Oh wait, it's just New Jersey Governor Chris Christie. There's a balloon BEHIND HIM! It's Nikita Khrushchev! 

Now, here comes a sea of purple t-shirts from the Service Employees International Union! Oh-oh! They're in the crowd. Now, they're beating up the crowd! Will somebody help the Black gentleman get back into his wheelchair?

Now, here comes hundreds of minimum wage activists, marching in a very long line. Now, they are marching straight towards a local government services center, where they will hope to wait in an unemployment line. Hey comrades, the government services center is closed! It's a holiday....

Here comes ANOTHER balloon! Wow, that Kim Jong Un balloon is impressive!  Heh, heh, heh....What a COMMIE!

Now, here comes some horse-drawn carriages. Now, Commissar DeBlasio is sending his secret police to arrest the drivers. Oooooh, and right behind them is a float with red and yellow flowers that form a large hammer and sickle, courtesy of The Communist Party U.S.A.!

Following that float is a limo with a bust of KARL MARX mounted on the front! It feels like I'm back home and it's the 1970's!

And, finally, bringing up the rear is hundreds of low-information activists and Obama supporters, and they're all in donkey costumes. I'm sure that these folks will ALWAYS be bringing up the rear!

Well, that's it for The 2015 Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, sponsored this year by George Soros. If there's an America next year, we'll do this again! See ya then! So long from Bill DeBlasio's New York City!

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