Happy Cinco De Mayo

Your bushy-tailed blogger will celebrate by checking the mayonnaise in my fridge. If it's spoiled and yucky, then I will dump the unused mayo down the sinko.

What Should We Do With Bin-Laden's Corpse?

After killing the terrorist leader, our Navy Seals cleaned him, wrapped his corpse in a clean, white blanket, before giving him a proper burial at sea. Now if it were up to me, I would've sent the corpse to a taxidermist, then open a 'bitch-slap booth". It would be similiar to a kissing booth, only I would give America an opportunity to bitch-slap Osama's dead face for $10. Then, take the money, and build a new World Trade Center.

Governor Crazy Eyes Weighs In

Following the news of Osama Bin-Laden's death, there was speculation that there may be a spike in terroristic attacks on American soil. Upon hearing this, Minnesota Governor Mark Dayton immediately closed his office, sent his entire staff to a secret location somewhere in New Mexico, and was last seen at an Minneapolis/ St. Paul International Airport ticket line.

Hooray For U.S.

Along with the news of the killing of terrorist mastermind, Osama Bin-Laden, kudos must go to President Obama, former President George "Dubya" Bush, and our heroes in the United States military. I would give President Obama some props, but he seems to have something akin to tennis elbow from patting himself on the back. Wow! What a narcissistic prop hog.

Ding Dong The Pr1ck Is Dead

On Sunday night, an elite team of Navy Seals put two bullets in the skull of Osama Bin-Laden, killing him. Yesterday I celebrated, with a nice roasted chicken from my local Rainbowfoods deli. Woo-hoo!

Loon Of The Week

It's that time of the week, when my wacky friend The Loon from Minneapolis' Longfellow neighborhood bestows his weekly Loon Of The Week Award to a lefty loonatic. So I'll waste no more time, and yield the floor to my associate.
"LOOLOOLOOLOOOLOOLOOOOO!!!! Thanks, Squirly. This week, the Loon Of The Week Award goes to the host of CBS' Face The Nation, Bob Scheiffer. This week, Mr. Scheiffer really put the right-wingers on notice! He and Katie (Golden Parachute) Couric were in a hot discussion, following President/Messiah Barack Obama's grand presentation of his certificate of live birth. The two Tiffany Network superstars discussed what could happen next. Could the dastardly Repooblicans be demanding The Messiah's college records!? LOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOO!!!!
Bob Scheiffer suggested that would be RASCIST!!! LOOOLOOLOOOLOOLOOLOO!!!!
A warning to all of you right-wingers. Don't ever criticize The Messiah! Don't ever question him! Don't oppose him in any way! In fact, don't even run against him! If you declare your candidacy, we'll slap a scarlet letter R on your forehead!
LOOLOOLOOLOOLOOLOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOO!!!"

Thanks again.  Looney, you do such a great job. Give yourself an award while you're at it.

Just Hear Me Out

Muslim on Christian riots broke out in Nigeria last week, following the election of Christian President Goodluck Jonathan. 60 churches were burned and thousands of Christian homes were destroyed, according to Christian persecution watchdog group Open Doors.

 I read stories like this, and am sure glad that we don't burn houses down following elections. Americans  burn stuff down after winning NBA Championships.

Perhaps the Muslims in Nigeria could just hire Al Franken-lawyer Mark Elias, and just steal the elections if and when they don't like the results.