Yakov Smirnoff Reports From Venezuela

It appears that Venezuelan dictator Nicolas Maduro has won another 6-year term. Here with his report is RSR correspondent, Yakov Smirnoff:

Thank you, Red Squirrel, heh, heh, heh....

Vhat an election here in socialist paradise! Hehe, heh, heh, heh....Communist dictator Nicolas Maduro wins with 110% of the vote!......Just kidding, he wins with 64% of the vote.

Maduro touted his 'Venezuela miracle!' Actually, his miracle was that he made his opponents disappear! Hehe, heh, heh! He's like a magician!

Apparently, he won with some very popular campaign promises. He promised a 'cat in every pot.' Of course, you would have to catch the cat yourself. Heh, heh, heh....

He also gave the voters a choice. You either get promised food rations or a map to your local zoo, where you can kill and eat the animal of your choice.

Maduro was very popular with dead voters! Is this Venezuela or Chicago!?

Many voters approved of the big crackdown on anti-government protesters. Maduro ordered his state police to give 'warning shot'. Actually, he just mowed down protesters as a 'warning to anyone thinking about protesting the government.'

Heh, heh, heh. Vhat a crack-down!

I better get out of here. It looks like about 10,000 spoil sports are gathering to protest the result of this election!

This is special correspondent Yakov Smirnoff in social paradise Venezuela, Back to you, Red Squirrel....