The Barack Obama Weather Report (April 3, 2018)

Global warming caught up with the Easter Bunny on Sunday. It was 11 degrees in Minneapolis, and if you added in the wind chill, it felt like 3 degrees. DAMN YOU, GLOBAL WARMING!!!

Oh, this just in! There's a Winter storm alert until tomorrow, and we expect 6-8 more inches of snow. I blame America and the industrialized West for this. It's STILL WAY TOO WARM.

If you remember, I brought the coal industry to it's knees before they could destroy the Earth as well as your children's future. The orange man is bringing the coal industry back and ruining the planet.

Now, he's ruining my legacy as he rolls back my beloved gas mileage emission standards. Soon, bald eagles will begin to spontaneously combust and your children will die from heatstroke.

As the Republicans allow the polluters to choke Mother Earth, the coastlines will recede, drowning millions of Americans. To combat global warming, we should rely on clean, reliable solar energy and unicorn farts.

That's the Barack Obama weather report. Back to you, Colleen and Bill!