Jasmine Crockett (D-TX) Is The Future Of The Democrat Party

 Oh, wait. This just in.

Jasmine Crockett's congressional district is being erased.

UNHINGED LEFTISTS: SYDNEY SWEENEY IS A NAZI BECAUSE SHE EATS BASKIN-ROBBINS ICE CREAM!!!!!

 

BLUE-HAIRED LEFTISTS SCREAM, WOKE COMMIES SCREAM, THEY ALL SCREAM BECAUSE SYDNEY SWEENEY EATS ICE CREAM!

Psychotic leftists continue to swirl uncontrollably down their mental maelstrom this week, as the 'great jeans' model SYDNEY SWEENEY did a commercial ad for BASKIN-ROBBINS. As the model playfully enjoys the ice cream with colorful sprinkles, hysterical leftists continue to lose their minds.

Just LAST WEEK, they freaked out over Sydney Sweeney's' AMERICAN EAGLE JEANS AD. THE LOONEY, PARANOID LEFTISTS SOMEHOW TRIED TO SAY THE AD WAS NAZI PROPAGANDA. 

It's looking like the popular model/actress is having fun being the target of baseless, HAPLESS rumor and innuendo, and every time she appears in an adverisment for these companies, the campaign becomes a SMASHING SUCCESS!

Perhaps American Eagle, Baskin-Robbins, AND Sydney Sweeney should send a nice 'thank you' note to their enemies. These leftist WHACKJOBS don't know it yet, but they are INADVERTENT MARKETING GENIUSES!!!

Monty Python SONG PARODY ALERT!!! The Texas House Democrats Bravely Ran Away

Gather around, little squirrels. Let me tell you a story.

One day, the Brave, heroic Democrats of the Texas State House of Representatives BRAVELY ran away from their job because EEEEEVIL Republicans were redrawing the state's congressional map.  Democrats from the world over applauded and LOUDLY CHEERED THEIR BRAVERY, saying that by BRAVELY RUNNING AWAY, these HEROIC PUBLIC SERVANTS will save democracy! (or something).

And so, The Democrats BRAVELY RAN AWAY. HEY!!!! THAT SOUNDS LIKE THAT SONG 'BRAVE SIR ROBIN' FROM Monty Python's 1980 classic comedy Monty Python And The Holy Grail!

We are joined by group of minstrals today to sing a song parody PRAISING these BRAVE HEROIC public servants. Take it away, BOYS!:

The Texas House Democrats bravely ran away from The Lone Star STATE.

They couldn't stand the thought of The Republicanss redrawing the congressional map  

Only things that feed democrats' lust for power should be allowed!

Brave, brave, brave Lone Star Democrats!

They were not afraid to run away THESE BRAVE DEMOCRATS

They ran away so The Republicans could not have a quorum

The leftist scribes breathlessly praised their BRAVERY!

Brave, Brave, Brave Lone Star Democrats!!!!!!

We RAN AWAY BECAUSE WE WANT the dead and the illegals vote

WE RAN AWAY FOR rigged machines and no voter I.D.

WE RAN AWAY FOR the right to commit VOTER FRAUD

WE RAN FOR THE RIGHT TO VOTE EARLY AND OFTEN!!!

Brave Brave, Brave Lone Star Democrats!!!!

(We'll come back when we get our way!!!)

Continuing New York City Coverage: And Now, Correspondent Yakov Smirnoff.....

We continue our report from the Mayoral campaign in New York City with Correspondent, Yakov Shmirnov:

WHAT A MAYORAL ELECTION!

In 1995 New York City, Mayor Rudy Guliani made crimiinals disappear. After 2025 New York City, Mamdani the Commie will make Jews, law-abiding former New Yorkers, and businesses disappear! Heh, heh, heh....

In New York of 1998, you can always find a party. If Mamdani the Commie wins, THE PARTY finds YOU!

After Mamdani the Commie takes over the grocery stores in New York City, you will buy what he TELLS YOU WHAT CAN BUY, IF THERE'S ANY GROCERIES LEFT ON THE SHELVES! He also wants to let all the criminals and looters free, so when all the grocery stores leave, the criminals who loot the city-ran stores and vote for the commie might scratch their heads and wonder why they live in a food desert. Heh, heh, heh.

Mamdani the Commie wants to take over the means of production. The Communist has never worked in the real world, so he speaks like Karl Marx because that's what his communist dad does. Mamdani's dad is a commie college professor. His voters are the brainwashed, indoctrinated communist college students.

Black and White people who work for a living vote against Mamdani because they live in the real world.

If Mamdani wins, there will be only 2 TV channels available. Channel One will consist of pro-Mamdani propaganda. On Channel Two, one of his Kommissars will tell you to turn it back to Channel One.

If they elect Mamdani the Commie, New Yorkers will probably stand in line for toilet paper at his city-ran grocery store. WHAT A CITY!!!!!!Heh, heh, heh......I CAN HARDLY WAIT FOR ELECTION DAY!!!!

Many America-hating college students support Mamdani because COMMUNISM HAS WORKED 'SO WELL' IN THE SOVIET UNION, CHINA, CUBA, AND CAMBODIA! WHERE DO WE SIGN UP???

BUT THIS WILL BE EVEN BETTER THAN LIFE IN THE OLD SOVIET UNION!!! IN U.S.S.R., THERE WASN'T GANGS ROAMING THE STREETS, COMMITTING VIOLENT CRIME AND LOOTING STORES!! IN MAMDANI'S NEW YORK CITY, YOU GET BEATEN UP BEFORE YOU GET YOUR TOILET PAPER!!! THREE CHEERS FOR COMMUNISM!!!!

SOUNDS LIKE HEAVEN TO ME!!! WHAT A CITY!!!!Hehe, heh, heh.................

Back to you, Little RedSquirrel...........

HEADLINE: PSYCHOTIC BLACK MOB BRUTALLY BEATS WHITE WOMAN (RACIST CITY OFFICIAL SAYS VICTIM 'BEGGED FOR IT')

 

Racist Member of the Cincinatti City Council Victoria Parks (pictured) should be hounded out of office and her voters should be ashamed of themselves.

Ilhan Omar: 'I Grew Up Under A Dictator'

Minnesota's fifth District Representative, Somali Democrat Ilhan Omar, recently said that 'she grew up under a dictator'. Her Father IS COLONEL NUR OMAR MOHAMED IN FORMER COMMUNIST DICTATOR MOHAMED SIAD BARRE'S REGIME.

What utter, breath-taking gall. Such incredible, SHAMELESS CHUTZPAH. YOUR FATHER SERVED IN THE DICTATOR'S MILITARY LEADERSHIP!

It's like murdering YOUR parents and then PLEADING for mercy because you're AN ORPHAN.

It's like demanding the government PAY YOU REPARATIONS because your distant ancestors WERE SLAVES 3000 years ago!!!!

This is like SUING GOD for EVICTING Adam and Eve FROM THE GARDEN OF EDEN. 

It's like insulting your host country after they've saved you and your corrupt family, and gave you countless opportunites you would NEVER have if you remained in your third-world SHITHOLE WHERE YOU BELONG

YOU COMMIT IMMIGRATION FRAUD, then REPEATEDLY INSULT YOUR HOST COUNTRY.

You didn't grow up under a dictator. You grew up privieged BECAUSE of the DICTATOR YOUR FATHER SERVED UNDER. 

GET OUT OF HERE!

Unsolved Mysteries Investigates: Is The New Sydney Sweeney Jeans Ad NAZI Propaganda?

Sydney Sweeney, a beautiful blue-eyed, blonde actress and model, appears in a 'controversial' new American Eagle Outfitter jeans commercial. There are unhinged detractors who  CLAIM the ad as NAZI propaganda. For NORMAL Americans, we see an attractive young woman CLAD IN well-fitting denim, but for some, the ad reminds them of THE HORROR OF THE HOLOCAUST.

The detractors of the ad's slogan 'I'VE GOT GOOD JEANS'  cannot see it as fun wordplay. INSTEAD, THEY SAY IT REMINDS THEM OF THE NAZI EUGENICS PROGRAM. 

Is this jeans ad a crime against humaity? Should Sydney Sweeney and the company in question be subjected to Nuremburg Trials? 

Here to answer those questions is the host of UNSOLVED MYSTERIES, Robert Stack:

Hello......Good Evening. Welcome to UNSOLVED MYSTERIES. I AM ROBERT STACK.

Tonight, we will investigate what's behind the accusations against the new American Eagle Outfitters jeans ad featuring actress and model SYDNEY SWEENEY. There are some who believe that the new advertisement is a form of NAZI FASCIST PROPAGANDA. At first glance, these accusations appear absurd, BUT STILL.....WE HERE AT UNSOLVED MYSTERIES HAD TO FIND THE TRUTH.

First, we investigated the company. America Eagle Outfitters is an American company, not a NAZI company, and they have nothing to do with fascism.

We contacted Sydney Sweeney's publicist and  asked her if Miss Sweeney was, is, OR HAS EVER BEEN a NAZI. The publicist just laughed and assured us that she wasn't. Then she hung up.

We tried to interview ACTUAL NAZIS TO GET THEIR OPINION ON THE JEAN AD. ADOLF HITLER died 80 years ago. We tried to CONTACT the actual NAZI Propogandist film-maker Leni Riefenstahl, but she died in 2003 at the age of 101. It's extremely difficult to interview ACTUAL NAZIS becuase IT APPEARS THEY NO LONGER EXIST.

Next, we tracked down and tried to interview detractors of the offending ad. We found them to be moridly obese, hateful, and confused of their gender. Many of them are out-of-work Biden-era government officials. Some were cross-dressers recently fired from the U.S. military. Many of them resided in their parent's house and some of them lived in their parent's basement.

As it turns out, the ad's slogan 'I'VE GOT GOOD JEANS/ GENES' has nothing to do with White Supremacy or The White Aryan Race. It was just a play on words. Surprisingly, the unhinged haters of the young model are mostly, morbidly obese leftists WHO HATE THEMSELVES AND HATE PEOPLE IN GENERAL

We asked a conservative talk show host who asked to remain nameless what HE thought of these charges. He said:

'LET US RIDICULE, MOCK, AND LAMBASTE THESE UNHINGED, WOKE WEIRDOS, POINT OUR FINGERS AND LOUDLY GUFFAW AT THEM FOR THEIR SILLINESS AND THEIR UTTER FOOLISHNESS!!!'

Finally, we asked our resident Sociology professor at a local college what he thought of this controversy and he said:

They are brain-damaged, morbidly-obese leftists, envious of Miss Sweeney and her beauty. They are crazed with wokeness, PARANOID and many were indoctrinated at the local AMERICA-HATING college. EVERYBODY THEY DISLIKE ARE NAZIS.

'LEFTIST LOGIC' states that Since (A) Adolph hitler was a NAZI AND (B) He owned a dog, that means (C) if you own a dog, that's makes YOU A NAZI! Almost EVERYBODY they dislike or disagree with are NAZIS!!! ALL BLUE-EYED BLONDES ARE ALSO NAZIS.

CONCLUSION: Our crack staff could not find anything to tie Miss Sweeney OR The American Eagle Company to any fascist organization whatsoever. This is ROBERT STACK, AND THIS WAS UNSOLVED MYSTERIES. 

Good night!