SONG PARODY ALERT!!! Ode To Little Kevin McCallister

 

I was watching the Christmas classic 'Home Alone' and i noticed that the subject of the classic 1968 hit 'Ode To Billy Joe' by Bobbi Gentry had the same last name as the little boy portrayed by Mccaulley Caulkin.................

I thought I'd try to write a remake (or variation) of this song. I call this 'Ode To Little Kevin McCalister'':

Little Kevin's family was angry and getting on his case

When Kevin woke up lookin' for his family but he saw no trace

Mama gave Kevin a 'time out' because he was giving her lip

The family forgot the little runt, they went away on their Christmas trip

At the luggage carousel they passed around the stuff he packed

Mama screamed KEVIN! and she felt terrible that she lost track

She had sent him to his room when He was mouthy and Mama didn't like his tone

and now it seems Kevin McCalister was left hone all alone

Well, little Kevin was home alone, but he did just fine

He smashed his brother's shelf that he was trying to climb

He was low on food so he went and got some more

He got some goodies and paid with cash at the grocery store

Little Kevin was home alone on Christmas but he was brave

He screamed and his pores tightened when he tried on Dad's aftershave

There were two bumbling burglers casing Kevin's family home

Somehow they found out that Kevin Mccalister was left home alone

So, one of the burglars stuck his head right inside the doggy door

Kevin shot them with a toy gun and  asked them 'Do you idiots want some more?

The burglars slipped and fell and almost broke their turkey necks

They swore they'll put an end to the little bratty smart aleck

Little Kevin was only having fun defending his family home

It was that time tat Kevin Mccalister was left home alone

It's been 30 years and there were Home Alone sequels that weren't half bad

Nobody ever called Child Protection Services on Kevin's Mom and Dad

Everyone has grown up and tthe kids have all moved away

Except for those two burglars, They're still in prison today

The brothers and sisters still come to their Mom's and Dad's Home Sweet Home

and  laugh about the time Kevin McCalister was left home alone

RSR Poll Question: What Should Elon Musk Buy Next?

Recently, billionaire Elon Musk bought Twitter for $44 billion.  Here is our next poll question. What should he buy next?

A) Apple

 B) Google/ YouTube

 C) CNN

 D) The New York Times

 E) facebook

If This Is 'Climate Change', Then Give Me More!

 

Debbie Downer Thanksgiving

So the always atrocious, insanely racist Joy Reid took to her show on MSNBC to complain about Thanksgiving.  We're not going to make you, our readers, suffer by telling you what she had to say.

Instead of rotting your soul, we thought we'd bring you someone more cheerful to share some thoughts about tthis great holiday:

Hi everybody, It's Debbie

As you and your families sit at the dinner table and partake in the horror that is called 'THANKSGIVING', I hope that you think about the turkeys that are raised to be murdered and eaten. What do THEY have to be thankful for? Millions of cranberries and potatoes are also  murdered. (sad trombone)

Turkeys are insulted, robbed of their dignity and giblets, and their roasted buttholess are sodomized with stuffing. It appears that this is to honor the pilgrims who raped the North American continent. I am so ashamed to be an American!. (sad gobble)

It's a fact that Thanksgiving is the number one killer of turkeys!(sad gobble gobble)

It's official........I can't have children. (sad trombone)

During the cooking of the turkey, temperatures reach about 350 degrees. Can you imagine being in that horribe heat? Global warming is going to doom us all! (sad trombone)

In the first Thanksgiving, the genocidal Pilgrims gave thanks to Their Indigenous hosts (who saved their lives) with a great feast, then they wiped them out. We are The Turks and the Native Americans are The Armenians. The guilt is killing me! (sad trombine)

The Indians gave us food and we returned the favor by giving them Turberculosis-laced blankets. (sad trombone). 

As Americans engage in this orgy of gluttony, People in Africa starve. If we don't give them our food, we deserve to be damned for eternity. Klaus Schwab says we should eat bugs. Hear! Hear! (sad buzz)

Well, that's all for now. I'm outside my parent's house. Did my family decide to do Thanksgiving somewhere else and forget to tell me about the change of holidays plans?

Where is everybody?

HEADLINE: BIDEN PARDONS THANKSGIVING TURKEY (LEAVES PERSECUTED J6 PROTESTERS IN D.C. GULAG)

 

SONG PARODY ALERT! The Beatles And The Attack On Paul Pelosi (David Depape's Silver Hammer)

A  few weeks ago, there was a strange news story involving Speaker Nancy Pelosi's husband Paul. He was alone in their San Francisco house with a male prostitute named David DePape. The Speaker's husband called the police, and when the police arrived, the two were in their underwear fighting over a hammer. 

Paul Pelosi had referred to DePape as 'a friend' during his phone call to the police. It was reported that DePape had loudly asked 'Where is Nancy?' after entering the house'

DePape assaulted Paul Pelosi with the hammer, and was arrested. He was charged with 'attempted murder.'

The false news media immediately misidentified the attacker as a MAGA Republican. The attacker is an enthusiastic nudist and makes stuff out of hemp. When your bushy-tailed correspondent thinks of MAGA,  nudist hemp craft artists does not come to mind. DePape is also an illegal alien from Canada.

Here to tell us the weird tale of David DePapape's Silver Hammer are The Fab Four, The Beatles:

Nutty Nancy wasn't home, 

Paul Pelosi wasn't alone. He had company

He was hanging out with a male prosti-too-too-toot

Things went bad for Paul, He had to make a call

He called the police on the phone

He spoke in a relaxed toe-tow-toe-tone

When the police got to the front door, 

They found  2 men in their underwear

Then BANG, BANG, David's silver hammer 

came down on Paul Pelosi's head

Bang, Bang David's silver hammer

Now, Paul and Nancy's face is red

They said on CNN, David's a Republican

We are so annoyed 

They gaslight us about this unpleasant scene

They don't seem to care, two grown men in their underwear

There seemed to be a dispute

between the Speaker's husband and the male prostitute

When the police showed up at the scene

The violence soon began

 

BANG BANG, David's silver hammer 

came down on Paul Pelosi's cheeks

BANG, BANG David's silver hammer

San Fran Nan's hubby is a freak

David went to jail, They denied his bail

The story disappeared

It turns out he was a liberal weirdo-doe-doe-doe

The facts never added up, The media is so corrupt

They wanted to blame the right wing, 

They are such unhinged, lying ding-a-ling, ling, ling, lings

The news media tripped up on all their lies

Was this supposed to be an October Surprise?

BANG, BANG David's silver hammer

came down on Paul Pelosi's head

BANG, BANG, The leftist news media's collective 

face is red

Andy Rooney: Democrats Can't Win If They Can't Cheat

Andy Rooney is here with a commentary on The Mid-Term Elections:

Have you ever wondered why it is that states ran by Republicans, even G.O.P. states wih HUGE populations can announce election results by 10:00  Election Night, while states like Arizona and Nevada are still 'counting' their votes days, sometimes WEEKS later?

....And have you wondered why Florida has IT'S ACT TOGETHER, while states like Michigan and Pennsylvania are riddled with election cheats, strange 'vote-counting' machines,  and mysterious trucks full of ballots that ONLY go to Democrats?

There are 22,000,000 Floridians, and no vote harvesting, no mail-in voting, and very little cheating. Florida has the most popular Governor in the country, and he easily won in a landslide. He won by a huge 20% margin. 

Meanwhile, Arizona has about 7.000.000 residents, but Democrat Secretary of State Katie Hobbs, is overseeing the Governor's race......in which she is ALSO A CANDIDATE! HOW IN HEAVEN'S NAME IS THIS ALLOWED??? They keep finding votes, and they are trying to steal the Governor's election from their extremely popular Republican opponent, Kari Lake.

The Democrats have already stole the Senate race.

If your state can't count all it's legal votes on Election Night, it's because YOUR STATE DOESN'T WANT TO COUNT ALL OF IT'S LEGAL VOTES ON ELECTION NIGHT.

For over 200 years, America could count the votes and have a winner announced by midnight. Then, A FEW YEARS AGO we started letting machines do the 'counting'. Has it made counting votes easier? Has it made anything better or more accurate? NO! It's turned ELECTION DAY into ELECTION MONTH, and far more chaotic and dishonest.

Things have only gotten easier for the cheaters!

In exit polls, almost 80% of the voters say that the country is disatisfied with the state of the economy, yet they 're-elected' the party that wrecked the economy. Does that even make sense? HELL NO!

The pre-election polls tell us that The Republicans would win the majority in The U.S. Senate. Some even touted a 'Red Wave'. It looks like The Democrats will keep control of The Senate.

In The House of Representatives, The Republicans will probably win a very small majority. Have you ever noticed that elections that last a week never go in favor of The Republicans? You never see a sudden huge pile of votes that go to only the Republicaan candidate.

Democrats have trouble winning in states with sensible election law,s like Voter I.D., no mail-in voting, or vote harvesting. The winner should be determined in a fair election, not by corrupt lawyers and partisan poll workers who are willing to do ANYTHING to win.

The Democrats accuse The Republicans of 'suppressing the vote.' The truth is, The Republicans are trying to stop their Democrats opponents from cheating. The so-called 'news' media are on he wrong side of this debate.

The United States is a center-right country, and the elections should reflect the will of the people, not be in the hands of the criminals currently in control. God Bless America.