Joe 'Ron Burgundy' Biden's Word Salad Of The Day

My administration has created the most jobs in our country's history, unlike my predesessor who lost the most jobs. There were no jobs when I became President. Thousands of Americans have jobs because of Build Back Better!!!! I have the highest poll numbers in the country's history! ME.......JOE BIDEN!

Repeat the line.

My administration has created the most jobs in our vountry's history, unlike my predesessor who lost the most jobs, There were no jobs when I became president. Thousands of Americans have jobs because of Build Back Better!!!! I have the highest poll numbers in the country's history! ME......JOE BIDEN!

Don't repeat the line. Go to the next line.

This country needs oil, but American fossil fuels are causing global climate change. I have opened our national oil reserves, and now we're buying oil from our friends Russia and Saudi Arabula because foreign oil is cleaner than the dirty oil dug up in America!

The previous administration and their supporters tried to insurrect our Capitol on January 6th. We arrested scores of right-wing, grey-haired nazis, and our Jan 6 Select Committee are getting to the bottom of Donald Trump's attempted destruction of democracy!

Hetriedtoleadaviolentinsuurectionizingofthecountryzzzzazzzullllllll......

These mean-spirited right-wingers are also denying wpmen's reproductive health care, sending all women to the back alley. If they get their way, women will no longer be allowed to see their doctor!!!!

These Republican devils are RACIST!!!!!! They hate lesbians, gays, and transgendered-Americans. I'm proud to have 2 transgenders in my administration, at least one gay, several latinx's, many escapees from mental asylums, and I'm proud to be the only president to have nominated a Black womyn for the Supreme Court, although apparently she can't define what a woman is. Make sure to say this applause line really loud!

We are in the process of delivering on gun control. Soon, only The Taliban, dictators, The Chinese military, and The Police will have guns! Oh, and my former boss sold guns to drug kingpins in 'Operation Fast And Furious. !We have concrete proof that gun-free zones work! Just look at Chicago!

As for the rest of you, toughtoenailsshhlluptuppppppppp!!!!!

We are opening our Southern border to new Democrat voters, drug dealers, terrorists, and human traffickers! Whoops! The Republicans put that on the teleprompter! We have busses of new neighbors coming into your city.They do the work that Americans WON'T DO!

Well, my handlers are telling me that's the end of the speech. I have to take my nap. Goodnight.

Another Sheriff Buford T. Justice Commentary: We Should Be Building Prisons For All These Criminal Jack-Asses

With violent, psychotic criminals running wild in Democrat-ran cities, and Soros-funded, easy-on-crime city D.A.'s refusing to keep them in jail, the outcry for law enforcement is being heard from coast-to-coast. Here with a commentary is our law enforcement corrrespondent, Sheriff Buford T. Justice:

This is Smokey Bear, and I'm in high-speed pursuit of all you little punk criminals! If I was in chatrge of law enforcement in this country, the first thing I would do is punch these idiot leftist D.A.'S AND THAT ASSHOLE GEORGE SOROS RIGHT IN THE MOUTH!

I would like to get my hands on these violent animals an' hang them from the highest tree! Instead of another 'infrastructure' bill, I'd spend a few billion on building new prisons.I'd 'smash and arrest' these little 'smash and grabbers.' My problem with police brutality is THERE ISN'T NEARLY ENOUGH OF IT!

If that jerk George Floyd was kept in prison where he belonged, he'd probably be ALIVE TODAY!

I blame the idiot voters in these communist cities. They blame Whites and Republicans for all their problems. Chicago is ran by a Black commie, New York City is ran by a Black leftist, Baltimore is ran by Black leftists, Los Angeles is ran by an Wop Italian Moor. Washington D.C.'s former Mayor, Marion Berry was literally videotaped in a hotel room smoking crack with a hooker! Guess what......He's also Black!

If you're an under-aged criminal, you should be locked up in a dog kennel!! Violent rioters, car-jackers, and A LOT of politicians belong in prison! Lock their asses up!

Meanwhile, the Democrats are imprisoning patriotic Americans for protesting the stolen presidential election. That is straight-up Communism! Somebody should hire an armada of the MEANEST lawyers around, and sue the living SHIT out of the corrupt government!

Nancy Pelosi is as corrupt as the day is long. She belongs in prison, but somebody should hire an exorcist and get at that unclean spirit living inside her head! As for Adam Schiffhead, you think his eyes are all buggy now, just wait until he has to take a prison shower!

As for Joe Biden's worthless kid Hunter, I think a judge will need a calculator to determine his prison sentence! The problem is, the biggest criminals are running the country!

I miss the country that used to respect the law. This senile, corrupt jerk Biden is waving illegal aliens into the country. He belongs in prison, or a home for the elderly.

Well, that's all for now. This is Sheriff Buford T. Justice. Don't go home. Don't take a tinkle. Don't take a dump on the sidewalk. Oh, you can think about it........Just DON'T DO IT.

That's a big 10-4, Scumbums! Over and out!

This Just In: Jill Biden Is A Pandering Pendejo

The Regime sent The 'First Lady' on a Democrat panderfest to some Progressive Latinx Diversity Group:

(Cue Jill Biden's new theme song South Park/ Jennifer Lopez hand puppet 'Taco-Flavored Kisses)

Wow, look at all you, my Brown-skinned little beaners! The diversity of my little breakfast tacos is my Democrat dream!

There is SO MUCH DIVERSITY in the LATINX COMMUNITY!!! There are Tacos and Burritos and EnchIladas and other dishes with brown beans and brown rice mixed in!

I am so fascinated at how you people ground up corn, then fry it to make your hard taco shells! I think you breakfast taco VOTERS are simply YUMMY! In fact, they should change Election Day to TACO TUESDAY!! TACOS AND DROP BOXES FOR EVERYBODY!!!!

Unfortunately, many in Washington want to deny you women tacos your right to abort the taco shell in your oven! Also, they deny Climate Change, and soon Iit will be too hot to eat a taco! Birds will spontaneously combust in mid-air, and fall out of the sky on you! Fossil Fuels will boil in the ground, and explode on everybody like a volcano! YUCK!!!!!

When I see scores of undocumented immigrants swim across the Southern border I see thousands of breakfast tacos, and what's wrong with that? Those racist Republicans don't like tacos. They like hamburgers. Hamburgers come from Hamburg, Germany. Nazis are German. Republicans are Nazis!!!

Republicans want to make tacos ILLEGAL!!!! They put 8-year-old tacos in cages, and break up taco famlles! Tacos do the hard work Americans refuse to do! Latino tacos make the breakfast tacos at Taco Bell that Americans refuse to make!!

In 1983, recording artist Taco had a big hit, 'Puttin' On The Ritz.' Republicans had him deported!!!!!

In conclusion, I can't leave my brown-skinned breakfast tacos without proudly saying 'I LOVE TACOS!!!!'

Goodbye my Democrat tacos! That's my time! (Cue Jill Biden's theme song South Park/ Jennifer Lopez hand puppet 'Taco-Flavored Kisses')!

Another Top Ten 2022 Democrat Campaign Slogans

10. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE!!!! SURRENDER TO THE NEW WORLD GLOBALISTS!!!!!

  9. Mask Up, Plebes!!!!!

  8.  Actually, We Don't Even Need Your Vote (We Have People Stealing The Election)

  7. You Work. I Eat.

  6.  We're Robbing You So We Can Buy The Votes Of Illegal Aliens!

  5. We're Not Even Pretending To Work For You Anymore!!!!!

  4.  ALL HAIL SATAN!!!!!!!!!!!!VOTE DEMOCRAT!!!!!!!

  3.  Ilegals Deserve Everything. Veterans Deserve Nothing!

  2.  The Other Side Harvests Crops. WE HARVEST VOTES!!!!

   1. Vote For Us (Or We'll Send A DOJ SWAT TEAM To Your House!)

SONG PARODY ALERT!!! Green Day Punk Rocker Renounces American Citizenship Over Roe Overturning

In the wake of The Supreme Court overturning Roe Vs. Wade, Green Day singer/guitarist Billy Joe Armstrong has renounced his American citizenship. Here he is to sing about it. Hit it:

To whom this may concern

Roe Vs. Wade has been overturned

My head's spinning the right wing's winning

The end of the world's beginning

Damn, those Americans are right-wing idiots!

You might say I lost my grip

I renounced my American citizenship!

I may move to Portland or Abortland

Set up a bedroom pillow fortland

I might go anywhere, anywhere but here

My citizenship I will renounce

I will not be found

I hate all you pro-life clowns!

I am such a pro-choice basketcase

Can't you see the anger on my face?

That Kavanaugh and tGorsuch and that jerk Clarence Thomas

I can't even grin and Barrett anymore

So they call themselves 'pro-life'

I prefer Kermit Gosnell's knife

Tell these Kleagels that I like abortion safe and legal

I just think abortion is really, really cool

So, my citizenship I will renounce

I might be leaving town

I hate all you pro-life clowns!

I hate all you pro-life clowns!

And Now, The Top Ten New CNN Programs

Your bushy-tailed correspondent keeps hearing that long-time CNN talking heads like Brian Stelter are about to be fired.  Here is The Top 10 new shows pitched to CNN:

10. Race-Baiting Fake Attack Report with Jussie Smollett

  9. The Second-Hand, Hear-Say News with Cassidy Hutchinson

  8. Our Un-Named Source Report

  7. The Bug-Eyed Report with Adam Schiff

  6. The Corrupt-As-Hell News with Nancy Pelosi

  5. I Lie My Ass Off with Brian Williams

  4. Just Let Me Be Clear with Barack Obama

  3. Cackling Like A Hyena News with Kamala Harris

  2. The Crying News with Adam Kenzinger

  1. The Never Trump News featuring Almost Everyone In D.C.

The Democrat Agenda: 'Screw You, America'

 I saw this Gab:

Democrats punish everyday, law-abiding Americans, while they steal their hard-earned money to reward violent criminals and corrupt (sometimes foreign) politicians.

Democrat sugar daddy George Soros used his billions to install leftist city District Attorneys, making Democrat-ran states very criminal-friendly. Psychotic murderers are set free to commit even more deadly violence. This isn't even 'America Last'. It is quite literally, 'Screw America.'

Everyday Americans are sent to prison without even a trial for the crime of protesting the stolen presidential 2020 Election, while illegal aliens are allowed to break into our Southern border. Scores of them commit horrible crimes, like human trafficking and dealing death drugs in our streets. This isn't  even 'America Last'. It is quite literally 'Screw America.'

Americans can't find formula for their babies, yet you cross the Southern border and THEIR shelves are stocked. The Fraud in The White House is behind skyrocketing gas prices. He ended The Keystone XL Pipeline, and now begs our enemies for gas. It is impossible to run this country as badly as Biden unless you were trying to destroy America. 

This isn't even 'America Last.' It is quite literally, 'Screw America.'

The Democrats let violent criminals run wild in our streets, then offer 'gun control', further punishing law-abiding citizens. To them, The Constitiution is just a punchline, Violent criminals and domestic terrorists are literally the Democrats' shock troops and foot soldiers.

This isn't even 'America Last.' It is quite literally, 'Screw America.'

The Democrats are panicking, not because they're wrecking America, but because how this has affected their chances to keep their power on Election Day 2022. Biden remains unpopular, Really, the only way they can keep their precious power is by cheating like they did in 2020.

As Joseph Stalin said,' Elections aren't determined by the voters. Elections ARE determined by WHO counts the votes.'

Happy Independence Day, America. Celebrate it like you might never see another one.