Andy Rooney: Two Weeks To Stop The Spread (Two Years Later)

On the 2-year anniversary of 'Two Weeks To Stop The Spread', we asked Andy Rooney to add his two cents:

730 days ago, government officials across the country terrorized The American People, telling us to 'shut yourself in for 2 weeks to stop the spread of Covid 19'. 

A month later, the government officials told us to 'Mask up', and then they shut down beauty shops, churches, and taverns. People were arrested for walking alone on a beach, then these government officials began to refer to some of us as 'essential employees.'

Millions of 'non-essential' Americans were told to not go to their jobs. Months passed.

Businesses were destroyed, schools became remote, and we were lied to.........

Nobody in the government missed a paycheck. We were told that accident victims all died from Covid. Strangely, people stopped dying from the flu or heart attacks. Then, most of us got vaccinated, but we were still catching Covid. 

Then, another vaccination became available, Then another. Then another. Then, many of us got booster shots. Big Pharma MADE even more MONEY. Still, people who wore their masks everywhere they went  were still catching Covid. When President Trump contracted Covid, some assholes hoped he would die from it.

Democrats blamed President Trump for people dying from Covid. These jerks never pass up a crisis. Strangley, they're not blaming President Biden for people dying from Covid on his watch. 

Now, it's 2022, and there are mid-term elections in November. The polls look terrible for The Democrats, so NOW they think now is a good time to grant The American People more freedoms from their unpopular mask and vaccination mandates. Smart politicians like Florida Governor Ron DeSantis are letting the people live their lives, while taking care of the elderly and those with comorbidities.

I am glad we have elections every two years. It gives our idiot polticians a little time to change their ways, and torqued-off voters like me a chance to vote these morons out. It's been two years, and I want Covid out of our lives, just as I want these control freak politicians out of our lives.

'Deep Thoughts' With Kamala Harris

Recently, Vice-President Kamala Harris gave a rather condescending explaination of the current situation in The Ukraine. We here at RSR think that she should keep the ball rolling, so here she is to give us her thoughts of America's relationship with Communist China:

Communist China is a great, big country with lots of people, and Taiwan is like China's runaway child. If your child ran away, would you want your naughty kid to come back home? Would you send your army to bring your brat home? Of course you would!

Now, some Americans don't think that Taiwan would be brought back home. Taiwan's Mom sends her fighter jets over Taiwan's airspace just to check to make sure that Taiwan's alright. America buys lots of stuff from China, and owes her tons of money. America is like that really irresponsible, good-for-nothing uncle who spends too much.

Hard-working Chinese workers make lots of basketball sneakers and stuff. The American news media, the Hollywood movie studios,  and sports leagues want their money, so they make sure to be super-nice to China. Many American politicians even sleep with Chinese spies.The Chinese don't like Americans bad-mouthing them, so Hollywood makes sure to show Communist China as the good guys in their movies.

We don't want to lose our Chinese customers. So, there you go. AAAA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

Eric Cartman's Prebuttal Of Biden's S.O.T.U.

Here to give our prebuttal to tonight's State Of The Union is all-American kid, Eric Cartman:

I thank you, RedSquirrel....

I am honored to deliver the prebuttal to that douchebag Biden's speech. I expect the corrupt, senile liar will try to tell the American people that The State of the Union is STRONG. Every American without his head stuck up his ass knows that the State of our Union is like totally weak, and it's because of the terrible lack of leadership coming from The White House.

In fact, people are asking themselves if Biden is even in charge, or is this country being ran by a bunch of commie weirdos. Many Americans think that we're living through Obama's third term. That creep promised to 'fundamentally transform' the country. Well, that race-baiting clown left this country divided and at each other's throats.

Thanks a lot, Jack-ass.......

On day one, Biden killed thousands of jobs, and left us dependant on our enemies to supply our energy needs. He's trying to kill the oil industry and replace it with unicorn farts. WELL, FUCK YOU, ASSHOLE!

The child-sniffing creep will say that he created millions of jobs. NO, ASSHOLE, YOUR PARTY CLOSED THE COUNTRY DOWN SO THAT YOU CAN SEND MILLIONS OF BALLOTS TO DEAD VOTERS AND STEAL THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION! Now that SOME of the jobs are back you want to take credit. SCREW YOU!!!!!

The Fraud in The White House has opened our Southern border wide open, and let in the criminals from over 100 countries. Drug dealers and traffickers are murdering hard-working Americans. The Regime tries to force Americans to mask-up and get vaccinated, but these foreign invaders aren't even tested for Covid. THIS IS BULLSHIT!!!!!

You left our people to those goat-fucking Taliban terrorists, and gave them our weapons and military vehicles. Not cool! Your weakness has emboldened our enemies. Russia ihas invaded The Ukraine. The world has gotten together to make Putin pay, while you are happy just to 'Lead from Behind.'

SUCK MY BALLS!!!!!

If The Ukrainians beat back The Russian military, Biden will probably take all the credit, and if Putin forces The Ukrainians to surrender, The Jerk in The White House will probably blame the previous administration. You're a lying weasel, Biden. You and that lying, communist bitch Jen Psaki should be slapped.

Crime is out of control. Many Black youthes think they can do WHATEVER THE FUNK THEY WANT, and Democrats will not keep criminals in jail. I hope the Republicans win big in November, and that this country once again RESPECTS AUTHORITAH!!!

Hundreds of everyday Americans who protested the stolen presidential election are political prisoners in Biden's jails. Their Constitutional rights are being violated. They are being called 'insurrectionists', but the real insurrection happened on November 3-4, 2020. Video cameras show that these protestors were unarmed, and looked more like tourists than insurrectionists. Let our people go!

Biden is trying to shove this Build Back Boondoggle down our throats. The out-of-control spending is feeding inflation, and my Mom has been grumbling when she shops for groceries. I wonder why a gallon of gas was under $2 when Trump was President, but now it's almost $5. Can anyone explain that to an 8-year-old?

Well, that my prebuttal. GETS GO BRANDON!!!!!

New Events At The 2022 Beijing Olympics

Communist China is hosting The Winter Olympics, and hardly anyone is watching. Even the venues are empty. Still, there are some exciting, new events: 

The Chinese Biathlon, a competition where the athletes drive a Chinese tank to the shooting range area, then test their shooting skills by shooting an anti-government dissident in the back of the head, making him or her fall into a ditch. 

The ChiCom Propaganda Suck-up Challenge: This competition is for visiting media personalities.  The American media are heavily favored to win the Gold Medal.

The 'Build-A-Nike Basketball Shoe Really Fast Or Be Sent To A Chinese Re-Education Camp' Competition

'Christian AND Uyghur Persecution Hockey', where competitors try to send born-again Christians and Uyghur Muslims into 'the penalty box.'

'Speed-Skating The Truth', the competition where murderous, demonic communists berate and humiliate beta-male western dilpomats before the tongue-tied wusses can get a word out.

'ALMOST Cross-Country Skiing', where the winner is shot dead for straying too close to the Chinese border......

Very exciting.

And Now, A Message From Canadian President Justin Trudeau

First of all, I want to thank the millions of wonderful Canadians who sent me 'Get Well' cards and flowers, and I am happy to announce that the 3 vaccine shots administered to me helped me recover from Covid faster. 

Thousands of truck drivers have rolled into the Canadian capitol of Ottawa like a foreign army. These terrorists are honking their horns, and terrorizing the people of Canada. I am declaring war on these terrorists. 

So, I have declared a national emergency.

I was happy to see gofundme 'redirect' money contributions away from these criminals, and I understand that this money will be sent to charities that meet my approval. I think that BLM founder Patrice Colours deserves ANOTHER million-dollar mansion!

I have a message to the supporters of these criminal truck drivers. My regime have people on the ground and you don't want to be caught giving these terrorists any aid or support! Some of my neighborhood snitches have discovered that you are baking pies and cookies for them. You may be arrested!

These insurrectionts are on the radical fringe margin of Canadian society!. Only 73% of Canadians polled approve of these truck driver protests! I am toying with the idea of declaring that all truck drivers are government employees, and they must be fully vaccinated if they want to keep their government jobs!

I was happy to see some Harvard professors on Twitter say that their tires should be slashed and be deprived of their fuel. I have sent an armada of tow trucks to tow these trucks away. However, I spit out my soymilk when one of my snitches informed me that they had joined the protest. Curses!

Canadians are a quiet, docile people. Nearly all it's citizens do what they're told.  These truck drivers are endangering this calm by protesting mandatory Covid vaccinations, and worst of all, they're making lots of noise! STOP STOP STOP IT!!!!!

I  am thinking about bringing in the military! If my army refuse to end these protests, I may invite the Chinese army. I've heard that they know how to quell a protest!

Canadian President, Justin Trudeau

STACEY ABRAMS: MASKS FOR THEE BUT NOT FOR ME

 

Pajama Boy: Justin Trudeau Is Doing Fine

Tens of thousands of Canadien truckers have rolled into Ottawa to protest mandatory vaccinations, and it appears that Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has fled the capitol.  

RSR has learned that the effeminate dictator has Covid 19, and is staying with a friend in America. 

Here to tell us is Trudeau's friend:

We are hiding out in my pillow fort, drinking hot cocoa with both hands on our mugs. Don't worry, everyone, Justin is o.k. We are masked.

He told me about those hateful truck drivers who disobeyed his order. The domestic terrorists rolled into the capitol, but Justin was able to slip away, undetected. He showed up at our back door in blackface. 

I gave him my old onesie, and we're enjoying hot cocoa right now. He is trying to get in touch with the Canadian Army, so they can clear the streets of the disobedient extremists who have taken over the country.

It's just terrible that so many Canadians are refusing the vaccination. Many of them refuse to wear a mask! With all of these maniacs running around, I wonder will this pandemic ever end!

Don't they know that the government is always right?

Well, that's all for now. I just wanted to tell all of Justin's supporters that he's fine, and hopes to be back very soon.

Pajama Boy.