The RedSquirrel Report Looks Forward To 2012

As 2011 draws to a end, we look forward to the new year. Your bushy-tailed reporter is really going out on the limb with some bold predictions for the year 2012. For instance:

We predict that if Barack Obama wins re-election, he will declare himself President-For-Life, then declare that he will go on a golf vacation.

After nine more months of character assassination, smears, and patented Axelrod dirty tricks against ALL of the GOP Presidential candidates, a new Republican candidate appears from out of nowhere......Alan Keyes.

Disgraced New York Representative Anthony Wiener will debut a reality TV show on MTV.

Expect even more anti-Semetic nuttery in 2012............................

North Korea and Iran will be even more unstable and dangerous, and the threat of that electromagnetic pulse bomb will make 2012 even scarier. But on the bright side, Kim Kardashian will marry another sports star.  My money is on wide receiver Chad Ochocinco.

Former Penn State Assistant Coach Jerry Sandusky will very, very happily accept a position as Obama's new 'Afterschool Physical-Education Czar'.

On December 21, 2012, the current calender will end. President Obama will present a new calender, and re-name the months Obamary, Obamruary, Obarch, Obril, Obay, Obune, Obuly, Obgust, Obember, Obctober, Obvember, and Obcember. Then, a big meteor will hit Earth.

Happy New Year, everybody!

I Am J. RedSquirrel, Uniquely Qualified

(insert 'Morning In America"-styled music here)

Hi. I am RedSquirrel, and I am uniquely qualified to be The MOB's next Mayor....

RedSquirrel led the fight against Obama's ATTACK WATCH. COM, mocking the regime's ridiculous website.

http://theredsquirrelreport.blogspot.com/ has blown the lid off several scandals in 2011....

RedSquirrel is a 3-time caller into The Northern Alliance Radio Show, and still hasn't been banned from the program. He's made hosts Mitch Berg and Ed Morrissey LAUGH:

AUDIO CLIP:
(Mitch Berg: "Up next is Joe from South Minneapolis. You're on the Northern Alliance Radio Network. What say you?"
Joe a.k.a. RedSquirrel: "Does the name JACK RYAN ring a bell?"
Mitch and Ed laugh....)

It was RedSquirrel who exposed Minnesota Governor Mark 'Crazy Eyes'  Dayton's attempt to hold the state hostage during the state shutdown in 2011. Here is the intercepted letter the Governor sent to the State Republican leadership:

RedSquirrel. Uniquely qualified.

As Obama Goes On Vacation, The Nation Breathes A Sigh Of Relief

This week, the Messiah's new job approval numbers indicate that 47% of the American people approve of the job he's doing.

But President Obama has been on vacation in Hawaii.

If he works, he wrecks the country and it's economy. If he goes on vacation, the nation breathes a sigh of relief. The new numbers indicate that the best thing he can do for this country is stay on vacation.

In November 2012, we have an opportunity to send The Messiah on a permanent vacation.

Open Letter To Speaker John Boehner

Dear Mr. Speaker,

My name is J. Redsquirrel. Merry Christmas to you and your family.

I am writing to you in regards to an issue important to many bloggers across this country. In September, I turned myself into President Obama's ridiculous snitch site, also known as Attack Watch. I gave them my blog's URL and my e-mail address.

Subsequently, I have gotten many, many e-mails from the Obama For America 2012 campaign. Most of these annoying e-mails are requests for campaign donations. Yesterday, I received one from Reggie Love.

I have used these e-mails as fodder for my blog, ridiculing and mocking the Obama Regime and campaign, but I am growing weary of this, and would like this insanity stopped.

 Congress passed legislation regarding unwanted phone solitication, otherwise known as 'the no-call list'.

I propose a law that would make it illegal for President Obama (or any of his campaign staff) to harass conservative bloggers like myself, with nonstop campaign contribution requests  (via e-mail), or at the very least, make them send these requests where it probably belongs, in the spam box.. I want this pestilence to end.

I propose that we name it  The No-Obama-Email-For-Campaign-Contribution List, HR. 57.

Again, Thank you.
J. RedSquirrel

The Keystone XL Oil Pipeline: Is This A Good Thing?

Your bushy-tailed correspondent has been reading up on this project. From what a have learned, this pipeline will start in Alberta and end in Texas, and will relieve some of our dependence on Middle East oil.

It has been rumoured that some of these countries in the Middle East may be hostile to America. There also appears to be some conflict in this region. From what I understand, America and Canada share a border, and have not yet gone to war against each other, except in the movies. ('Canadian Bacon').

This project will create thousands of construction jobs, as well as many more jobs associated with the operation of this pipeline. But, on the other hand, these would be private-sector jobs, and our President apparently disapproves of the private sector.

Also, this project will create tens of thousands of new tax-paying Americans, and that's not good for the Democrats. They depend on the dependent to stay in power.

Also, it is very important that President Obama drags his feet on this project in order to receive badly-needed campaign cash from both the environmental lobby and 'big oil'. The Messiah is running for re-election, and needs money from both groups.

This is a very complex issue. America needs to create jobs, but should it come at the expense of our good friends in Iran and Pakistan?

I need to read more....

The 2011 Golden Loony Award Goes To....

Let's keep the year-end honors rolling, with The RedSquirrel Report's 2011 Loon Of The Year Award.

With the end of the NARN's First Team John Hinderacker and Brian 'St. Paul' Ward's radio show in January 2011, and with it, their Loon Of The Week Award, I decided to carry on this fine tradition.

Throughout 2011, our resident lefty lib Longfellow Loon bestowed the 'Loon Of The Week Award' to a deserving lefty, for his or her wacky, leftist quotes.

So here he is, to hand out The Golden Loon Of The Year Award, is our very own....Longfellow Loon.(applause)

"LOOOLOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOO!!!!
Thanks, Squirley. The 2011 Loony Award nominees are:

Vice President Joe Biden, who said that we need to raise taxes, or murder and rape will skyrocket in Flint, Michigan.

Former Advisor to Jimmy Carter Zbignew Brzezinski, who suggested that there should be a public list of rich capitalists who resists heavier taxation.

But the winner is....LOOOLOOOLOOLOOOLOOOLOO!!!! The Occupy Wall Street Protesters!!!!! They are a double-winner this year, having also won Time Magazine's Person of the Year Award....LOOOLOOLOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOLOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Accepting the award is none other than Creepy Mask Guy.

"Thank you, thanks......thanks......I would like to thank the Editorial Board of The RedSquirrel Report for this golden Loony, but I cannot accept this alone. I share this with all of the others who carried the signs trashing the filthy Jewish bankers. A special shout-out to my associate Gavin, who brought much-needed publicity to our cause by crapping on that cop car. Thanks, man.

A special thanks to S.E.I.U. for setting up those tents. It gave some of our rapists some privacy.

Finally, a special shout out to the big guy, George Soros. Thank you."

Thanks for watching, If America is still here in December 2012, we'll do this again. See ya'.

A Nation Mourns For Kim Jong Il (1942-2011)

Last week, potbellied dictator Kim Jong Il died. The long-time ruler of The People's Republic of North Korea assumed room temperature on a train.

The news anchor at our North Korean bureau told us the sad news on Monday. She was accompanied by a government representative:

"Our god-like leader has been taken from us (cry! cry more! or we'll shoot you!),  from working so hard. So, he will be greatly missed. (loudly blow your nose) From the hundreds of thousands of tortured political prisoners to the millions that are being starved......by the evil, rich capitalists outside our hermetically sealed society....

Our wondrous leader (now start blubbering uncontrollably), was a fantastic golfer, with supernatural abilities. He shot a round of 39, with 11 holes in one....We must remember the good times, and the imported lobster and cognac he and his bureaucrats enjoyed while millions of North Koreans starved....

He loved movies so much that he would have movie directors kidnapped, and brought to our communist paradise.

He was also quite a little rascal, building up our nuclear weapon program right under the nose of doddering old Uncle Sam! (now, laugh and cry simultaneously).

And so, in his memory, the  enslaved people of North Korea must labor even HARDER! (now, break down, crying and thrashing about. good. We will let you live for another day, lady news anchor).

end transcript.