Tuesday, August 9, 2022

Yakov Smirnoff Reports Friom Mar-a-Lago


This morning, The F.B.I. staged a raid on Donald Trump's Palm Beach home and resort Mar-a-Lago. Supposedly, they were looking for files possibly relating to the January 6 non-insurrection or perhaps even 'classified documents'.

Biden's secret F.B.I. POLICE even cracked Trump's personal safe, which was empty. Many normal Americans are outraged by this clear case of weaponized government harassment against their political opponents.

Here to file this report is our Russian correspondent, Yakov Smirnoff:

Thank you, RedSquirrel Readers!

I am here at Mar-a-Lago, standing with thousands of Trump supporters. America's F.B.I. Brownshirts (or K.G.B.) have raided former President Donald Trump's home and hotel. Apparently, they were looking for 'evidence' of some 'soon-to-be-determined crime'. As dead Communist dictator Joseph Stalin used to say, 'Show me the man and I will show you the crime.

They might even charge him with some 'Trumped-up' crime, so-to-speak.

Biden's secret police even cracked open Trump's safe. Perhaps that Kossack Trump was behind on his taxes and they decided to confiscate some of his wealth. The federal government is trillions in debt, so perhaps they thought he had a few trillions laying around in his safe.

If everyday Americans did this, it would be called 'a bank heist', but when Biden's F.B.I. Brownshirts do it, it's called 'looking for evidence.' What a regime!

First, they steal the election, then they throw the protesters of the stolen election into their secret prisons to rot. This makes me miss good 'ole The Soviet Union! At least The K.G.B. had the decency of charging you with something!

This January 6th Star Chamber is a corruption all-star team! Eric Swallwell (D-CA) slept with a Chinese Communist spy, while Nutty Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) makes MILLIONS in insider trading. Did you see their rediculous prime-time hearing on American network TV a few weeks ago? Neither did I.

Liz Chaney is the least popular politician in Wyoming. Even her Dad Dick Chaney is more popular than her, AND HE SHOT A GUY IN THE FACE DURING A HUNTING TRIP!  What a family!

I am in awe of The Biden and Pelosi crime families! Nancy Pelosi's husband Paul smashed his car while drunk driving, and Nancy called her nephew, California Governor Gavin Newsom. He had the charges dropped. I just hope that Nancy's husband doesn't kill someone the next time he get behind the wheel shit-faced!

As for The Biden Crime Family, it is tuly amazing how a family can possibly become that filthy rich peddling influence, yet say that their party is the party for 'the poor people! Heh, heh, heh, heh.....

They  persecute Trump supporters for protesting the stolen election, yet Joe's son Hunter Biden is on video laptop smoking crack and committing statutory rape against under-aged girls..........yet he is protected by Biden's F.B.I.K.G.B. Brownshirts!

As I send it back to RedSquirrel, I am left with the impression that the crooks here in Washington D.C. want a one-party, communist banana Republic. If you're a conservative, America-loving Republican or mainstream, pro-America Democrat, tough toenails for you. 

If you're an America-First Kossak or a small business owner, you're an enemy of The State. This raid on Mar-a-Lago is The Biden Regime's way of intimidating their political opponents into submission.

Oh, this just in: The Democrats have voted to hire almost 90,000 new I.R.S. agents. If you think Biden will ease up on HARASSING everyday Americans, THINK AGAIN!

This is Yakov Smirnoff, looking over my shoulder here at Mar-a-Lago. Back to you , RedSquirrel!



Tuesday, August 2, 2022

I'd Like To See Comedian Bill Burr As A Washington D.C. News Correspondent


I've gotten into watching clips of comedian Bill Burr on YouTube, and I have an idea. Someone should have him do a nightly news report from Washington D.C., and he could do it as one of his comedic routines.

I think I'm like a lot of Americans, who trust comedians more than what passes for the mainstream news mediua. So, do you remember when that Cal-Berkely Law Professor testified before the Senate Committee three weeks ago, and attacked Missouri Senator Josh Hawley? The Senator asked the professor to clarify what she meant by her phrase 'people with the capacity for pregnancy.'

The gentlemanly Hawley dared to add, 'Would that be WOMEN?  She became very annoyed, and called his line of questioning 'transphobic.' Then the 'expert in race and reproductive rights' yapped about cisgenders, non-binary sexual identification, and so on.

I'd like to see how Bill Burr would report this story. I can almost imagine what he would have to say:

So, this Cal-Bezerkely hosebag law professor began calling Senator Josh Hawley 'transphbic'. In his 'CRAZY', BACKWOODS world, women are the ones who actually give birth.  WOW, That is SOME RADICAL STUFF How dare you breathe, you REPUBLICAN Nazi!!!!!

She said that The Senator from The Show-Me State opened transgenders to VIOLENCE! Gee Professor, I'm so sorry if I upset you with my line of questioning. I GUESS only NEANDRATHOL BIGOTS STILL BELIEVE THAT WOMEN GIVE BIRTH! I've never seen a pregnant man, but then again, I'm from fly-over country!

So Professor Bridges, If men gave birth, would the baby come out of his ass? I don't (bleeping) even know! Teach me and my ignorant, inbred constituents!

Bill Burr could add humor and badly-needed truth to the news. If he had a news show on FOXNEWS, it would probably be RATED PG because of strong language.

Oh, one last thing, I think it would be funny if Senator Josh Hawley would send a nice gift (peace offering) to the unhinged Cal-Berkeley law professor, Khiara Bridges:

 


Thursday, July 28, 2022

SONG PARODY ALERT!!!! ROBERT PALMER SINGS THE NEW DEMOCRAT THEME SONG REMAKE OF 'SIMPLY IRRESISTABLE'


We're a gang of criminals!

We don't have no principals

They used to call us Liberals

Now we're psycho radicals


We throw your grandma is jail and deny her bail

We steal elections, you can now vote by mail

We were doing fine, then Biden wrecked the country

and gas is unaffordable

Gas is unaffordable


Our methods are unconstitutional

Disaster is unavoidable 

The polling trends are irreversible

Nancy thinks she's invincible


Nobody cares if he falls up the stairs

The American Dream is now a nightmare

There's no baby fornula on the store shelves

and gas is unaffordable

Gas is unaffordable


CNN Lies, and nobody knows where your tax dollars went

(Gas is unaffordable) We're out of our minds, another executive order signed by Joe

Gas is unaffordable


Election Day is unavoidable, Our backs against the wall

Inflation thru the roof, We're heading for a fall

We're making promises and breaking election laws

We're yapping about climate change, but people know that

gas is unaffordable

(CNN Lies, and nobody knows where your tax dollars went)

Gas is unaffordable

(We're all iars, We want to throw Trump in our secret jail)


Our corruption is unparalleled

We free the violent criminals, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

We're crazy not reasonable

The voters are replacable

We are all insane, we all got schiff for brains

We're passing nutty laws while we go down the drain

We were energy independent, but now it seems that

gas is unaffordable

Gas is unaffordable




Wednesday, July 20, 2022

SONG PARODY ALERT!!! Shania Twain Sings The New Transgender Swimmer Lia Thomas Theme Song (Damn! I Win As A Woman!)


Let's go transgender athletes, Come on!

My one-piece on so tight, I'm a sporting news highlite

I'm letting it all hang out!

You girls got no choice, competing with this boy

Don't you scream or shout


A transgender invasion, Mixed gender competition

You think I'm out of my lane

Don't you dare make a sound, just use the right pronoun

Don't you say that this is insane

 

The best thing about swimming against women

I'm really a man and we're bigger and stronger than you 



Oh, oh, oh...... Don't call it crazy, swimming against the ladies

A man in a one-piece covering my tiny man boobs

Oh, oh, oh.......Don't you jeer, or say I'm weird

Oh, oh, oh.......Records I'm a' smashing This sport I'm a' crashing

Don't you dare say that it isn't fair

Oh, oh, oh, As a woman I identify, Don't you dare call me a guy!

Damn, I win against the women!


The best thing about competing against women

I'm really a man and we're bigger and stronger than you


Oh, oh, oh......Don't call it crazy, competing against the ladies

A man in a one-piece and my tiny bulge

Oh, oh, oh.....Women's sports is dead, turning Title 9 on it's head

Oh, oh, oh.....Transgenders empowered, We share the same shower

A shower cap over my hair, Don't say 'It's not fair'

Oh, oh, oh........Don't you cry because of the way I identify

Damn, I win as a women!


Don't say it's wrong or crazy

I sucked as a male swimmer

Now, now I'm a lady

Damn, I win as a women!


Tuesday, July 19, 2022

The American Dream: Surviving 30 More Months Of Biden


In the years following World War 2, the phrase The American Dream described our can-do spirit. Americans wanted a nice house, a good job, and a society that we can pass on to our Baby Boomer kids even better than the one The World War 2 Generation grew up in.

Then in the 90's, we were told the new generation (Generation X) would inherit a country economically imferior to the country that The Boomers inherited.

Now we're in the 2020's, and the rich and powerful are literally creating a Communist police and surveilance state.  We have a corrupt, senile figurehead 'leading' the executive branch, with a 'Justice' Department sending SWAT TEAMS to the houses of their political opponents.

Gasoline is over $5 a gallon, and baby formula is hard to find. We have gone from The American Dream to 'You Will Own Nothing And You Will Be Happy.'

In 1969, there was a sickness not unsimiliar to Covid, and some Americans died. What did Americans do? We went outside, and rolled in the mud at Woodstock. We went on with our lives. Now, the government and their mouthpieces in the media tell us to 'mask-up', stay indoors, and get 3,4,5,6,7 vaccinations and a booster. We're told to not go to church or our 'non-essential' jobs, but rioting is O.K.

They stole The 2020 presidential election with drop-boxes, harvested ballots, and a 4:00 a.m. vote-count stoppage. If you protest the stolen election, you are sent to Biden's secret prison. You don't even get a trial. 

Violent crime is out of control in Democrat-ran cities, and our rediculous fraudster President has led an invasion of our country with an unprecedented influx of illegal aliens, child traffickers, Fentanyl and drug dealers, rapists, and psychotic killers.

So, what has The American Dream become? This President and his weird gang have been in power for only 18 months. They have 30 months to go, unless divine intervention or something else ends this madness. The American Dream now is somehow surviving 30 more months of Biden. 

There are hospitals that demand you be vaccinated for Covid, or your child cannot get a liver. Young, healthy sports stars are dropping dead with heart attacks brought on by Covid shots. Big Pharma is literally making a killing.

Professional sporting leagues, corporations, and police are kneeling for the worstt Black racist thugs, BLM. The media is complicit, and many Americans have turned it all off. Carjackers and criminal thugs are brazenly robbing decent, hard-working Americans of their American Dream.

What is the government doing about this? They are trying to rob us of our Second Amendment rights, so only the criminals and the police state will have all the guns. They want to take the guns out of the hands of everyday, decent Americans because they are planning to do something to us that we would shoot them for.

Inflation is out of control, and Biden thinks the remedy is to spend even more money on foreign wars and robbing the taxpayer. Congrab passes new spending that make themselves even richer. Speaker Pelosi has her dreamjob. She is a professional thief and insider trader. That's why she hates Donald Trump so much. He exposed Washington DC's corruption applecart.

Meanwhile, Washington is stealing everything that isn't nailed down. They're also stealing your American Dream. Let's take tthe first step and take the country back from these corrupt thieves on Election Day.


Monday, July 18, 2022

Lucy Van Pelt: Chauvin And Noor. This Must Be That White Privilege I Keep Reading About


Dear RedSquirrel Report,

Five  years ago, innocent Blonde yoga instructor Justine Damond was shot to death by Black Somali-Muslim officer Muhamed Moor. Last month, he was set free after serving barely 2 years.

Meanwhile, White Officer Derek Chauvin just keeps having more prison time piled on to his already-lengthy prison sentence. Last week, a court added 20 more years to his prison sentence. The 20 extra years were added because the court decided that Chauvin 'violated Floyd's civil rights.' 

The White officer was convicted of the 'murder' of Black thug George Floyd, even though Floyd over-dosed on Fentanyl during his arrest. George Floyd was breaking at least 2 laws at the time he was arrested, and was in and out of prison for a myriad of criminal activites throughout his adult life.

Floyd also forced his way into a pregnant woman's apartment, and stuck a pistol barrel into her pregnant stomach as two criminal associates looked for money and drugs in her place. If you were not high on drugs, could you EVER see yourself doing anything like this?

Derek Chauvin was convicted because an angry mob formed outside the Hennepin County Courthouse, and the terrified jury didn't want to see any more riots. There was no angry mob or riots for Justine.

The white officer will probably spend the rest of his ruined life for the 2nd and 3rd-degree 'murder' of the drugged-up Black criminal, while a Black Muslim is free after murdering an innocent, White woman. This is Bullshit. This is Black Supremacy. This is what goes on in Democrat-ran cities.

I'm not a lawyer. I'm just a 9-year-old girl.They tell me that if I say 'White Girl Lives Matter', I might be murdered by Black Lives Matter thugs. Indianapolis Mom Jessica Doty-Whitaker was murdered by BLM thugs just for saying that 'All Lives Matter.' 

I go to an government school where they try to teach me Critical Race Theory. I'm blamed for America's sins because I'm White. The government school is trying to make tmy Black classmates hate me.

This must be that White Privilege I keep hearing and reading about.

Lucy Van Pelt, 9. St. Paul, Minnesota