A May Day Message From Yakov Smirnoff

Here to comment on May Day  is Russian comedian Yakov Smirnoff. Take it away:

Heh, heh, heh.......I just flew in from New York City. Actually, I didn't fly. NYC is run by communist mohammadon stooge Zohran Mamdani, SO I HAD TO RIDE IN A HORSE-DRAWN HAY-WAGON 400 miles. Don't worry about me, though. I felt the warmness of collectivsm SURROUNDED BY all that hay!

Before Mamdani was elected, bread waited for you. Now, you'll stand in line just for toilet paper when Mamdani opens his city-run grocery stores in 2029! Heh, heh, heh. Hooray for collectivism!

I saw May Day parade and the bolsheviks were yelling ''WORKERS OVER BILLIONAIRES!!!'' In Soviet Union and Minneapolis, the only rich people were oligarchs, Somali fraudsters and party members, while the workers are DEFRAUDED  and their taxes raised. Many ''lucky''workers won't have to worry about taxes anymore when the $15 minimum wage destroys their job.

In Soviet Russia, we had The KGB. In Minnesota, you had Tim Walz's Covid Snitch LIne. These protesters act like they're the Polish underground resistance or something. SILLY LITTLE, AMERICA-HATING BOLSHEVIKS!!! 

I also saw the ''No Kings'' protests A FEW WEEKS AGO, and I was wondering what do these protestors have against the King of Rock n' Roll Elvis Presley, Billy Jean King, and MARTIN LUTHER KING????? WHAT????

These crazy protestors REALLY hate PRESIDENT TRUMP. Did THEY ALL GET FIRED on ''The Apprentice'' or something? They freely and loudly call him NAZI AND HITLER. They carry signs and yell, yet HE SENDS nobody to concentration camp or prison work camp. Trump must be the WORST DICTATOR EVER!!!

Today the government school teachers marched. If you can read, thank a teacher or your parents. If you CAN'T read, thank a teacher's union! These teachers took their students out of class and brought THEIR FUTURE COMMUNIST AGITATORS to the march.

 The government schools have stopped teaching ''reading and writing'', and replaced it with ''revolutions and rioting!'' These green-haired, commie teachers do such an amazing job at these LEARING CENTERS!!! Heh, heh,  heh......What a SYSTEM!!!!

It's absolutely wild that billionaire Communist Democrat sugar daddies like George Soros finances these hate-filled, anti-American protests to destroy the country that allows them to protest freely in the FIRST PLACE!!! 

WHAT A COUNTRY!!!!!!Heh, heh, heh..............

HAPPY MAY DAY 2026

 ''We will replace the frigidity of rugged individualism with the warmth of collectivism''---New York Mayor Zohran Mamdani

Minnesota Governor Walz's Final State Of The State Speech

 

Last night, Minnesota Governor Tim Walz delivered his final State of the State Address:

For my Somali supporters, leftist lunatics and violent UNDOCUMENTED MIGRANTS,  THE STATE OF THE STATE IS STRONG!!!! For the rest of you, NOT SO MUCH!!!

Under my RULE, THE STATE OF MINNESOTA HAS EXPERIENCED A TAKE-OVER BY COMMUNISTS, CORRUPTOCRATS, CRIMINALS, CROOKS, CREEPS, AND CROSS-DRESSERS!!!! We have allowed violent ''UNDOCUMENTED IMMIGRANTS' and carjackers to run rampant!!!! The Democrat Trifecta has made the North Star State UNRECOGNIZABLE!!!!!

We passed the most extrme Abortion law IN THE WORLD, and made child mutilation EVERY CHILD'S RIGHT!!!!

I shut the state down for Covid and started my COVID SNITCH LINE. i SURRENDERED THE STREETS  OF MINNEAPOLIS TO THE RIOTERS, AND LET THEM BURN DOWN THE CITY!!

We Democrats REWARDED our Somali friends by letting them ROB THE TAXPAYERS, STARTING WITH THE FEEDING OUR FRAUD / BLEEDING OUR TAXPAYERS LEGISLATION!!!! Then, we did away with the ''racist'' old Minnesota State Flag and INTRODUCED A NEW STATE FLAG THAT LOOKS A LOT LIKE THE FLAG OF SOMALILAND.

Because of me and the 80,000+ Somali  migrants imported into the city of Minneapolis, OUR STATE UNDER MY WATCH HAS BEEN TRANSFORMED INTO A CRIME-RIDDEN, CORRUPT SATELITE OF SOMALIA!!!! HEAR, HEAR!!!!!!

Minnesota is and always will be a SANCTUARY STATE!!!! The NAZI in The White House sent HIS GESTAPO to arrest and deport OUR NEIGHBORS FROM Central and South America, but I TELL YOU THIS....

WE ARE THE DEMOCRATS, AND WE DON'T HAVE TO OBEY YOUR SILLY, LITTLE FEDERAL LAWS!!!!!

I WAS SO PROUD OF OUR ''NO KINGS'' RALLIES, WHERE TENS OF THOUSANDS OF OUR AFFLUENT-WHITE-FEMALE-LEFTIST NEIGHBORS PROTESTED AGAINST ''KINGS'', AND MANY OF THE SAME PEOPLE RECENTLY WELCOMED ENGLAND'S KING CHARLES FOR HIS AMERICAN VISIT!!! HIP, HIP, HOORAY!!!!! SOME KINGS ARE ACCEPTABLE!!!!

We rioted to distract everyone from my rampant corruption and incompetence, and it looks like I will make it to the end of my second term. In fact, my GREATEST accomplishment is that I've somehow avoided prison!!!!

As you all know, I've decided to not seek a third term. The NAZI in The White House is investigating ME. Other than 8 long , painful years of corruption, THEY'VE GOT NOTHING ON ME!!!! THEY JUST HAVE THEIR STUPID RED HATS!!!!

Before I was elected in 2018, Minnesota led the nation in education, health care, and economic developement. NOW, WE LEAD THE NATION IN CORRUPTION AND FUNDING TERRORISM.

Our schools USED TO excel in ''reading and writing'', and now we lead in ''REVOLUTION AND RIOTING''.

As I leave office, I promise to pretend to fight fraud, and keep on bad-mouthing and threatening bodily harm to my opponents BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT MY UNHINGED, AMERICA-HATING VOTER BASE DEMANDS!!!

THANK YOU.....AND TO ALL YOU REPUBLICAN NAZIs, SCREW YOU!!!!!!

WE ASKED GARTH ALGAR WHAT HE THINKS OF JIMMY KIMMEL'S JOKE

Two days before lunatic Cole Tomas Allen attempted to assassinate members of The Trump Administration at The White House Correspondent's Dinner, late-night host Jimmy Kimmel made a hateful joke suggesting that First Lady Melania Trump ''had the glow like an expectant widow.''

We asked an everyday American, Garth Algar, what he thought of the joke, and this is what he said:

''If Jimmy Kimmel Live! were an ice cream flavor, it would be PRALINES......AND DOUCHE.....

...........WITHOUT THE PRALINES......."

SONG PARODY ALERT!!! DEMOCRAT ANTHEM (ALANIS MORISSETTE'S ''WE GOT OUR HANDS IN YOUR POCKET)

We hate kings but we love dictators

We despise the rich but we love our graft

We worship Obama, he saved healthcare, yeah!

We hate guns but love murder

We hate free speech and love indoctrination

When we lose we go crazy!

What it all boils down to, is Trump drives us out of our mind, mind, minds

We got our hands in your pocket, to fund our NGO's

We are drunk when we're in power

We voted for Mamdani because we want free stuff

It isn't greed when we take your money

We care, unlike those G.O.P. NAZIs

We're guilty of what we accuse you of doing

and we NEVER have to say ''We're sorry''

What it boils down to, is that we can always LIE, LIE, LIE

We got our hands in your pocket, we give your stuff to our illegal alien voters

(INSTRUMENTAL BREAK)

What it all comes down to

The government should run your life

We got our hands in your pocket, and your paycheck belongs to us

We want free stuff and we're focused

Our green agenda will save the world

We'll stop those oil companies

America's enemies are laughing

We are loyal, but we are traitors too

Liberalism is a mental disorder

And what it all boils down to

We're looney hyp....o.....crites

We got our hands in your pocket

and we're playing you like a stradivarias

And what it all comes down to, my friends, yeah

If you complain we will call you names

We got our hands in your pocket

You will go to jail if you don't pay your taxes

THE CHLOE REPORT: CALIFORNIA DEMOCRATS OVERLY EXCITED ABOUT STEYER'S CANDIDACY

Nothing excites Democrats and their favorite news-anchors like an probable election of a politician promising abortion rights and more taxes. The talking heads can barely contain their excitement when they're breathlessly honking their horn for a charismatic leftist candidate.

In-commie-deep-blue, one-party California, the America-hating leftist voters are looking at some new leftist candidates to confiscate even MORE from the taxpayers. Here to report on this lunacy is our cub reporter, Side-eye Chloe:

California Democrats are without their leading gubernatorial candidate now that compromised, serial rapist Eric Swalwell was forced out of the race. Another candidate, unhinged pottymouth Katie Porter is featured on YouTube in a series of ridiculously unflattering campaign vids of her cursing out her campaign staffers.

The Democrats are looking for the next governor who must carry a literal torch destroying the state from the complete disaster of Gavin Newsom. Greasy Gavin has destroyed the state, and is deciding if he will run for President in 2028 or announce himself The Anti-Christ. 

There's a new candidate, billionaire hedge fund manager, Tom Steyer. Steyer is a climate change alarmist who made a fortune from dirty fossil fuels AND climate change alarmism. I haven't seen anyone this excited since my Mom told me and my sister we were going to Disneyland.

 Steyer wants to abolish I.C.E. while he invested heavily in jails USED BY I.C.E.

He ALSO opposes private schools while putting his own kids iin PRIVATE SCHOOLS, saying that he won't SACRIFICE his kids by putting them in public school..

All this hypocracy must be very exciting to his supporters. The rest of us aren't feeling it.

Under Democrat one-party rule, California leads the entire country in POVERTY, CORRUPTION, HOMELESSNESS, and the state government has done NOTHING for the victims of the inferno that destroyed The Pacific Palisades area of Los Angeles. 

The voters of California will vote in what is called a ''jungle primary'', which means that every candidates' votes will be ''counted'', and the two leading candidates will run in the General Election in November. Right now, two REPUBLICANS are leading in the polls, Steve Hilton and Chad Bianco.

It's possible that California will elect it's first Republican Governor since The ''Governator'' Arnold Schwarzzeneger won a ''Total Recall'' ELECTION in 2003, but that doesn't excite the mainstream news media much. In fact, some of them seem to be in a panic.

Maybe if Dwayne ''The Rock'' Johnson entered the race, that would excite the local news media.

This is Chloe, reporting from The Left Coast. Back to you, RedSquirrel.

ECONOMIC ILLITERATE MAMDANI PROUDLY ANNOUNCES LINES TO BUY TOILET PAPER COMING IN 2029