HEADLINE: SOMALI GANGS ''CULTURALLY ENRICH'' MINNESOTA HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL HOMECOMING GAME

In Minnesota High School Football, The Eden Prarie High School Homecoming football game with Minnetonka was interruptd by East African gangs SHOOTING AT EACH OTHER, and the game was cancelled. The gunfire caused a panic in the stands, as two East African scholars were injured with non-life threatening injuries,

We thank Former Presidents Clinton and Obama as well as The Lutheran Charities for sponsoring the halftime (?) show.

NEWS YOU CAN USE: THIS HALLOWEEN, GO AS PANDERING, BURQA-WEARING DEMOCRAT CANDIDATE PEGGY FLANAGAN

If you're looking for any Halloween costume ideas, how about trying on a hijab and burqa, and go trick-or-treating as ''PANDERING LEFTIST DEMOCRAT CANDIDATE PEGGY FLANAGAN?!!!

Or, go as your favorite Democrat candidates, New York Governor Kathy Hochul or even former Minneapolis Mayor Betsy Hodges! These Democrat politicians wear traditional Islamic garb while shamelessly pandering and begging for Muslim votes..

WARNING: BE CAREFUL. DO NOT CELEBRATE HALLOWEEN IN A MUSLIM NEIGHBORHOOD, NON-MUSLIM HOLIDAYS ARE CONSIDERED ''HARAM'', AND IF YOU VIOLATE SHARIA LAW. YOU MIGHT BE BURIED TO YOUR NECK AND STONED TO DEATH.... AND THAT WOULD RUIN YOUR HALLOWEEN FUN.

                                       Former Minneapolis Mayor Betsy Hodges

AND NOW, A MESSAGE FROM THE SUPREME LEADER OF IRAN

Dear American Democrat-Socialists,

Get out and vote and destory THE GREAT SATAN TRUMP AND  HEGSETH'S WAR-MONGERING REGIME AS WELL AS THAT FILTHY GENOCIDAL JEW NETANYAHU!!!!

A VOTE for El-Sayed and Flanagan and Talarico is A VOTE TO END THE REPUBLICAN MAJORITIES THAT THREATEN THE ENTIRE WORLD!!! Our worldwide MOHAMMADON CALIPHATE DEPENDS ON YOU DEMOCRATS, SO GET OUT AND VOTE!!!

When you Democrat-Socialists take back the majorities in The House and The Senate, you protect our BASIC HUMAN rights to STONE WOMEN TO DEATH FOR SHOWING THEIR HAIR, to marry our 9-year old nieces, and to keep exporting terror around the world. Doesn't that SOUND NICE?

On November 3rd, VOTE FOR DSA ALL THE WAY!!! You can also vote early or ABSENTEE. In much of your country, you can also harvest votes. Also, don't let the racist Republicans stop you from voting if you're an undocumented immigrant!!!!

Your ''friends'' in Iran ENTHUSIASTICALLY SUPPORT THE DEMOCRATIC SOCIALISTS OF AMERICA, SO GET OUT AND VOTE!!!

WELCOME TO MINNESOTA. THIS IS THE D.F.L. PARTY

 

They Found More Writings Of Nostradamus

Michel de Nostredame, better know as Nostradamus, was a 16th century man famous for his predictions. He made cryptic forecasts relating to the rise of Hitler, the assassination of John F. Kennedy, and many other historical events. Recently, historians discovered even more writings near his childhood home, stashed in the wall of a local family's work shop. Here are some interesting findings:

We believe that this prediction was about Muslim internet  ''influencer'' Hasan Piker:

Hornets from Hell flew out of his Turkish beak

Born on third base, Influencer of Hate

A Grey-Coated one says ''The Towers deserved to FALL and BURN on 9 plus 10 plus 1!!!''

and the Mohammadons shall RULE the Earth so let it be done!!!!

We believe this prediction describes Kamala Harris's rise to power:

And the Great Whore arose off her knees, and climbed

the ranks of power

Laughing and Cackling like a Hyena

Speaking in word salads, Speaking Nonsense, a tower of Babel

Her campaign crashed and burned as Donald with Orange Hair returned

We're sure this prediction relates to the 2026 mid-term elections:

In the year 2000 plus 20 plus 6

young and envious foolish knaves full of envy and ignorant of history

chose chains of slavery under the mohammadon rule and

to make the streets run red with the blood of the rich 

And finally, a prediction relating to the Conflict with Iran:

The Orange-hair ruler attacked and

the mullahs saw fireballs fall from the sky

In Western Babylon, the first world cried and complained

about the AFFORDABILITY of petrol

HEADLINE: ANTI-SEMITIC RAPPER MACKLEMORE YELLS ''FREE PALESTINE'' DURING SHOW

                                                Pretty Fly For An Anti-Semite

Legendary Insult Comic Don Rickles Roasts ''Influencer'' Hasan Piker

 We here at The RedSquirrel Report are honored to welcome the legendary comedian and master of insult comedy, THE GREAT DON RICKLES. He wanted to deliver a message to leftist 'influencer'' Hasan Piker. 

Here he is, Mr. DON RICKLES!''

THE BAND PLAYS DON RICKLES' WALK-ON MUSIC, La Virgen De La Macarena AKA The Bullfighter Song 

Thanks, you RED HOCKEY PUCK.

First of all, I have a message to all the third-world, non English speaking voters and undocumented migrants out there.. '' KAMALAMALAMA LAKALABOOOOGIDDYBOOOOBITYBOOGITTY!!!!!''

To our Spanish-speaking friends, i say ''Si illegalo seniors and senoritas, ICE will be alongo soono. Just geto on the busso!''

Every time I see Hasan Piker I always WONDER (ten-second pause) HEY HOCKEY PUCK, ARE YOU WEARING A MASK? They call THIS DORK an ''influencer''. He influences me to THROW UP!!!

Hasan Piker said that America deserved to be attacked on 9/11.. i THINK PIKER SHOULD BE LOCKED IN A CAGE WITH  SEX-STARVED GORILLAS!!!

This hockey puck HASAN IS A BIG ADMIRER OF CHINESE COMMUNIST DICTATOR MAO ZEDONG WHO IS THE BIGGEST MASS MURDERER IN HUMAN HISTORY. SOMEBODY SEND THIS HATEFUL DOUCHE BACK TO THE 4TH GRADE!!!

THIS HATEFUL IDIOT SAYS HE WANTS THE STREETS TO RUN RED WITH THE BLOOD OF CAPITALISTS. HEY YA COMMUNIST LUNATIC, ANSWER THE DOOR. THE F.B.I. IS PAYING YOU A VISIT!!

AND FINALLY, GOD TOOK DOLLY PARTON AND LEFT THIS CREEP HASAN PIKER. (LOOKING UP) WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU HOCKEY PUCKS DOING UP THERE???!!!!

THAT'S IT. I'M OUT OF HERE!!! (Cue The Bullfighter music)