Ralph Wiggum: The Supreme Court's Majority Decision On Birthright Citizenship Is Nice!

LAST WEEK was a bad week in the history of what's left of our country, as The Supreme Court DECIDED to liberalize Birthright Citizenshiup laws.  Ruling against a President Trump executive order, THE HIGH COURT RULED THAT anyone can enter the country to give birth, even ChiCom operatives and illegal immigrants.

NOW, You don't have to be the least bit loyal to America or know anything about being an American citizen.  You can just use this country for purposes of birth tourism, and ANYONE can plan a week's vacation to give birth while they're here. The baby is AUTOMATICALLY a legal American citizen. 

Here to give his opinion on this decision is our resident liberal legal expert, Springfield's resident legal scholar, Ralph Wiggum:

Oh no, I got a crayon stuck in my nose!

It was NICE for The Supreme Court to let babies of undocumented immigrants become Americans, as they decided to let the WHOLE WORLD STAY, especially if they want FREE STUFF. MY FAVORITE SUPREME COURT JUSTICE Kitangi Brown-Jackson, along with Rooter Sotorooter, Kegel, Roberts, the high school rapist Kavanaugh and the Pope's Mom Barrett ruled for the majority. Uncle Tom Clarence Thomas, Alito, and Gollum ruled for the meanies.

Oh darn, I just swallowed some paste. MY TONGUE IS STUCK!!!! MY TONGUE IS STUCK!!!!!

Now, your baby doesn't have to do all that PAPERWORK to be an American! 130,000,000 Americans can't read, so what's another 20,000,000? It's unpossible to pass a high school English test if you don't even know English, so why punish a baby before he or she can even LEARN to speak?

WE ARE AFRAID OF ICE. IT IS SLIPPERY, MEAN AND DANGEROUS STRANGER DANGER!!!! THE TRUMP MEANIES PUT UNDOCUMENTED BABIES IN CAGES!!!!! I SAW AOC CRYING ON THE VIEW!!! INOW I'M SCARED OF THAT SONG ICE ICE BABY!!!!

It is UNCONSCIONABLE that 3 of the justices tried to take birthrights away from babies. That's not very welcoming! Some people are complaining about birth tourism. Is it ANYBODY'S BUSINESS IF YOU WANT TO HAVE A BABY WHILE YOU'RE ON VACATION????

I think it was my hero Governor Tampon Tim who said ''One man's ILLEGAL ALIEN is another man's NEIGHBOR.''

That's it for now. Darn, I just stapled by head to my shoulder.

HEADLINE: HORROR WRITER / MAINE RESIDENT STEPHEN KING HOPES CANDIDATE PLATNER STAYS IN SENATE RACE

 

Graham Platner Saves His Candidacy By Announcing His Conversion To Islam

Embattled Maine Democrat Senatorial Candidate Graham Platner has announced his conversion to Islam, saving his candidacy. As a Muslim observing the female abuse-rape-forced child marriage tenants in Shariah law, recent credible sexual assault accusations have SUDDENLY become a CAMPAIGN BOOST.

PLATNER CAN NOW SAY HE'S JUST BEING OBEDIENT TO ALLAH, and finds his popularity almost DOUBLE among TRUMP-HATING FEMALE DEMOCRATS. 

Many anti-Semitic lunatic mohammadons like Hassan Piker are excited to throw their support behind Platner, but Piker is still watchful of his commitment to the cause of replacing a Constitutional Republic with an Islamic-Communist Dictatorship.

Soon, there could be SCORES OF Palestian flags and signs reading ''Susan Collins, We're Coming For You Next'' ''From The River To The Sea'', and 'Behead Collins'' at Graham Platner rallies.

Many Muslim voters already find Platner's SS TOTENKOPF chest tattoo quite attractiuve. His enemies are their enemies, therefore, Platner has friends among Jew-hating Muslims AND COLLEGE GRADUATES. They see no real controversy with the tattoo. 

Still, Platner still has work ahead. He needs to grow a beard, or some Muslim leaders may think that he looks too much like a woman. He also has to put his wife in a Hijab and beat her if she disobeys him. Many Democrats and Muslims agree with Platner that it's the woman's fault if she is raped, and if you accuse a Muslim of AMY crime it's only because you're a RACIST.

With Platner's conversion to Islam, Senator Bernie Sanders and several other DC Democrats of The Red-Green COALITION are thinking about renewing their support. Still, they may need to step up their voter fraud operation in Maine to win in November.

Yakov Smirnoff Reports From Comrade Mandani's Fifth Of July Parade

It's Independence Day weekend across America, and in much of the country, happy Americans celebrate our nation's 250th birthday, while in New York City, Communist Mayor Zohran Mamdani is ''reflecting'' on America's history of racism and ''injustice''..

He's not reflecting on Islam's 1,700 year history of rape, murder, and enslavement or 100+ years of communist carnage.

Our New York Correspondent Yakov Smirnoff is on the scene at Mamdani's ''Fifth of July'' Parade down 5th, 6th, AND 7th Avenue, beginning AND  ending at Time's Square. The Mayor has banned the general public, but there seems to be a parade starting:

Hello, RedSquirrel, This is Yakov reporting from Times Square. There are probaby 10,000 Muslims praying to Allah here. Mamdani banned the general public. In other word's ''Americans, Jews, and Christians.'' He said there isn't enough room for both Americans and thousands of Muslims with their asses in the air praying. These Muslims have a float with the words ''DEATH TO AMERICA'' festooned with crepe paper. The Mayor is seated on it waving to an imaginary crowd.

Here comes another vehicle decorated with a big sign which reads ''Mamdani Power And Light''. I have learnied that Comrade Mamdani will be taking control of ALL THE UTILITES IN THE CITY AND has told residents that they should turn their thermostat up to 78 degress to deal with this hot weather. He wants his illegal alien voters living rent- free in luxury hotel suites, and they are to be allowed to turn THEIR THERMOSTATS down to 62.

WHAT A COMMIE!!!! heh, heh, heh......WOW, I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHAT WILL HAPPEN THIS WINTER!!!!

Mamdani's Motto: ''Rules for thee, not for me. You work, I eat. If you don't like it, tough toenails.''

There's a LONG LINE of Mamdani supporters carrying a banner reading ''DEMOCRATIC SOCIALISTS OF AMERICA''.Why do I get the feeling I will soon be seeing these same people standing in line at the city government-ran grocery stores waiting in line for toilet paper? Heh, heh, heh.

In America, toilet paper waits for you. In Comrade Mamdani's NYC, you wait in line for toilet paper.

In this Communist parade, I see no tanks, but there are OVERSIZED POSTERS OF COMMUNIST LEADERS MAMDANI AND THE THREE COMMUNIST CANDIDATES WHO RECENTLY WON IN THEIR PRIMARIES AGAINST ESTABLISHMENT DEMOCRATS.

Here's a float with NYC's Renter's Rights Activists. It's decorated with puppet landlords hanging in effegy. YIKES!!!

Here's a float with America's founding Fathers depicted as demons. Someone FROM LA RAZA dressed as an Indian chief is making A LAND ACKNOWEDGMENT through a bullhorn, AND there's a group of children from a local government elementary school, lead by their purple-haired ''teachers'' chanting ''NO ONE IS ILLEGAL ON STOLEN LAND!!!''

They've replaced ''reading and writing'' with ''revolution and rioting.''

Here's The Columbia University float, who are representing The America-hating hate indoctrination industry (cough: colleges), and here's a float left over from a recent ''No King's'' protest with President Trump hanging in effegy, I'm also SEEING THE ''DEATH TO AMERICA'' float, and THE BLM FLOAT, along with  the ''Love And Tolerance'' float. WOW! IT'S A SEA OF HYPOCRACY!!!! Heh, heh, heh.......

There will be no fireworks here, only violent criminals and activists from BURN LOOT MURDER celebrating their freedom by shooting their shotguns into the air,

We're not sure if or when it will be safe for EVERYDAY Americans to step foot in Time's Square again. This is your correspondent Yakov Smirnoff, signing off from Comrade Mamdani's July FIFTH Parade in New York. So long! Heh, heh. heh...

WNBA STAR SOPHIE CUNNINGHAM SHOWS ILLEGAL ALIENS AND AMERICA-HATERS ''THE DOOR'

 

Our New Top Ten List: The Top Ten Ways To Celebrate Our 250th Independence Day

Saturday marks the 250th anniversary of the signing of our Declaration of Independence, and most Americans will find some way of celebrating our womderful country's Birthday. Some will have a backyard barbeque or see a fireworks display. While some seem angry that this country still exists, this is OUR ''No Kings Day''. 

From the home office in Bovey. Minnesota, here are The Top Ten ways REAL Americans might be celebrating our country's 250th Independence Day:

10. Deport Ilhan Omar.

 9.  Kiss your dog and eat a BLT in front of your perpetually offended muslim neighbor.

 8.  Ask a Socialist-Democrat to hold dangerous fireworks before lighting it.

 7.  Have a trans activist committed.

 6.  two words: TAXPAYER REVOLT!!!

 5.  DEPORT THE MUSLIMS!!!! (Former Minnesota Viking Wide Reciever Ahmad Rashad can stay.)

 4.  Steal some MORE LAND!! LET'S TAKE CUBA NEXT!!!

 3. Declare war on England AND BEAT THEIR ASSES AGAIN!!!!

 2. THROW ZOHRAN THE MORON MAMDANI (AND ALL OF HIS VOTERS) OUT OF THE COUNTRY.

 1. Tar and feather a tax collector..

Marlon Perkins And The North American Democrat-Socialist Cuckoo Bird

I was listening to a talk radio program last week when a guest compared the new extremist communist-backed Democrat politicians (THE DSA-Democrat Socialists of America) with The Cuckoo bird. 

This species will invade another bird's nest, kill the Mother's babies, and lay it's own eggs. 

The invasive, preditory, parasitic nature of these communist-Socialists who have invaded The Democrat Party establishment act in MUCH the same way. Here to explain this is our new wildlife correspondent Marlon Perkins, host of Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom:

Thank you, RedSquirrel. Today on Mutual of Omaha's Wild KIngdom, we study the strange and terrible habits of The Socialist Democrat Cuckoos of North America.

This preditory, parasitic species have been laying it's eggs in the nests of the ESTABLISHMENT DEMOCRAT NESTS. Three extremist-communists have defeated Democrat establishment birds in recent New York Democrat primaries.

They replicate the call of the red-green Mamdani bird, tickling the ears of angry college grad bolchevik parasites, who respond by voting for the takeover of THE NEST.

Most of these communist voters come from various countries hostile to America. Many are second-generation immigrants, INDOCTRINATED TO attack America on American universities. These Communsit Democrat Cuckoos attack and seek the destruction of the nest, and hunt for The Great American Orange Trumpucanis Maga.

Many of these communist Democrat cuckoos have been laying their eggs on American college universities for generations. There, the young cuckoos are taught and groomed to attack even more nests. They attack Jews, capitalists, and engage in class-warfare against more productive species..

Here is my assistant Jim. He has gotten too close to a nest of mahammadon cuckoos, and now he's being attacked. The cuckoos think he might be a Jew or a capitalist because he has a light complection. GET OUT OF THERE, JIM!!!!

The other birds in this ecosystem are ''makers'' and the communist Democrat cuckoos are ''takers''. Now, the nest taken over by the cuckoos has shrunk, and is falling apart. The cuckoos look for more nests to use BECAUSE THEY DO NOT KNOW HOW TO BUILD A NEST THEMSELVES.. The Mamdani bird has promised free worms for everyone, but his flock of cuckoos will have to fend for themselves soon.

The Mamdani bird has tried to raise the taxes on the top 10% of the most productive species, but they have flown away to Florida and Texas. Soon, The Socialist-Democrat Cuckoo may go the way of The Dodo.

Well, that's it for this week's Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom. I am Marlon Perkins. See you  next week.