Top Ten Sheila Jackson Lee Solar System Scientific Facts

Texas Democrat Representative (and amatuer scientist) Sheila Jackson Lee said that The Moon is mostly gas (It isn't). 

From our home office in Bovey, Minnesota, here are The Top Ten Sheila Jackson Lee facts regarding our solar system::

10. Marvin The Martian may attack The Earth if we don't appropriate $5trillion to defend our planet.

  9. Most of our solar system's Methane comes from Uranus.

  8. Lunar eclipses happen when a cow jumps over The Moon.

  7. The surface of Neptune is covered with a layer of Trident gum.

  6. Planet Pluto wa named after Goofy's dog.

  5. There is a golden ring around Sataurn worth $2,500,000,000,000, and Congress should vote to spend your tax dollers to buy it.

  4. The mercury in your thermometer comes from the planet Mercury.

  3. Geocentrism refers to the belief that the universe revolves around our planet Earth. Representative Jackson-Lee, as well as most members of Congress, believe the universe revolves around THEM.

  2. Black Holes are created by extraterrestrials who never knew when to stop digging.

  1. White Dwarfs are RACISTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Top Ten Reasons To Vote For Joe Biden

With all the crimes The Resident of The White House has committed against the country, It's amazing that there are still people who are voting to continue The Joe Biden Crisis for four more years.

From our home office in Bovey, Minnesota, Here are The Top Ten Reasons To Vote For Joe Biden:

10. Violent criminal aliens and Human Traffickers killing and raping Americans!!! Who could ask for MORE!?

  9. Fentanyl. Come and get your Fentanyl!!!

  8. We're going to appoint even MORE Cross-dressers and transgender weirdos in the second Biden administration!

  7. Joe will tell us even more lies!

  6. because he will protect your right to slaughter your unborn baby

  5. With bidenflation, you can fit $200 worth of groceries in JUST ONE bag!

  4. because MAGA is a danger to D.C's corruption applecart

  3. JOE WILL OPEN THE BORDERS AND CLOSE YOUR SMALL BUSINESS

  2. A vote for Biden is a vote for Communist Chinese worldwide DOMINATION!!!

  1. FREE STUFF!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe Biden Wants To Desecrate ALL Our Holidays

So, our corrupt, senile Resident Joe Biden has announced The Transgender Day of Visibility on March 31, the same day as Easter. Normal-Americans and Christians reacted as you would expect.

Your bushy-tailed correspondant is wondering if the America-hating and Anti-Christian biden regime will stop at desecrating the day our Lord and Savior was resurrected. After all, there are many holidays on our calender. 

Perhaps he'll replace Christmas Day with 'Looter's Day' or 'Undocumented Shoppers Day'. That would appeal to Biden's base of criminals and race hustlers. Also, he could say that Inflation is no longer a problem if everything on the shelves are 'free.'

Biden could proclaim a 'Bitch Like An Ungrateful Liberal Day' to replace Thanksgiving. Nearly ALL of Biden voters worship government, not God, and complain non-stop that 'the rich' don't pay their fair share. They don't believe in giving thanks to Our Heavenly Father.

Knowing biden, he would probably rather commemorate the genocide of the Native-Americans by 'the settlers'.

Then, Biden can replace MLK Day with George Floyd Day. Biden's violent supporters prefer Floyd over Martin Luther KIng anyway.

After that, Independence Day can be replaced with '(Government) Dependence Day' or some other new holiday damning America's existence. 

Biden could replace that most romantic holiday, Valentine's Day, with 'National Sodomite LGBQT Visibility Day', even though they already an entire month. Still, it would be an opportunity for Biden to stick it to those straight, CHRISTIAN people. 

Saint Patrick was a Christian, so St. Patrick's Day would need to be desecrated in favor of something that Biden's supporters would support. How about Mohammad's Birthday? A holiday honoring anti-Semetic Minnesota Representative Ilhan Omar? The possibilites are almost endless.

Biden and his ilk HATE Americans who get up and go to work, so he could replace Labor Day with 'Student Loan Forgiveness Day' or 'Undocumented Immigrant Free Money Day'.

So, it's a start. I just hope that biden and his leftist helpers don't see this, and get any ideas.

Men In Black's Agent Zed: Adam Schiff Is A Zanti Under His Human Disguise

As you probably know, The Men In Black is a semi-secret organization that monitors extraterrestrial activity on our planet. There are alien life forms breaking our laws constantly, and outstanding MIB agents do their best to keep The Earth safe and do their work in the most discreet way possible.

The agent in charge, we'll call him Agent Z, has a warning for the voters of California:

Thank you RedSquirrel,

Our organization monitors alien activity, and I feel that i have to warn the voters of California about a potentially terrifying threat regarding a certain candidate for The U.S. Senate. On Earth he is called Adam Schiff.

We have been monitoring him for some time now. His bugged out etyes, his weird, round head are on your TV and computer screens almost non-stop, but his human disguise conceals the fact that his home is a planet called ZANTI. 

In the early 1960's, humans watched The sci-fi TV show The Outer Limits. One episode, 'The Zanti Misfits' featured strange aliens creatures with ant-like bodies and weird, creepy, humanoid faces. As you may or may not know, many episodes of The Outer Limits are based in REALITY.

These are actual creatures living on our planet, and one of these creatures have taken on a human appearance. Be assured that The Men In Black are closely monitoring this alien, as well as his candidacy.

He is currently in a Senatorial campaign against baseball legend, Republican Steve Garvey. My commentary here is in no way an endorsement of Mr. Garvey's campaign, just a warning to the voters who are thinking about voting for 'Mr. Schiff.'

Adam Schiff

Adam Schiff without his human disguise

APRIL FOOLS!

'Easter' Greetings From Nicolae Carpathia

 It's Easter Sunday, and the King of This World sends this greeting:

Happy Fertility Festival, America and The World,

It's Easter, and my demonic, senile flunky Joe Biden has announced 'Trans Visibility Day 2024', because as you know, my demon-possessed transgender children are STILL in the closet!!! NOT!!!!!!

Plans to replace The American People with millions of illegal, CRIMINAL migrants from the Third World is RIGHT ON SCHEDULE! My Obiden Regime will register them to vote, and that orange-haired goody-two-shoes Donald Trump HAS A BIG SURPRISE WAITING FOR HIM ON ELECTION DAY!!!

My WONDERFULLY wicked New York Attorney General Letitia James (The Scourge of New York, The Sorrow of America, Letitia the Corrupt, Letitia the Cruel, Letitia the Racist, Letitia the Thief, Letitia the CONFISCATOR) will take EVERYTHING that the orange man has ever built and every penny will be seized. Soon, he will know what it's like to live under the brutal rule of The Anti-Christ! 

YOU WILL OWN NOTHING AND YOU'LL BE HAPPY!!! ALL HAIL SATAN!!!!

MY UNHOLY TRINITY of Joe Biden, Bill Clinton, and Barack Hussein Obama just had the biggest fundraiser in the country's history, while my media tells the foolish American People that The Republicans are the party OF THE RICH!!! I'M LAUGHING MY ASS OFF!!!!!

My Demoncrats are stealing everything that isn't nailed down, laundering your money, declaring war on the productive, using lawfare to rob you of your freedom, and everyone is distracted watching MARCH MADNESS!!!

While your children find colored eggs and families attend church services, My COMMUNITY ORGANIZER Barack Hussein Obama is busy doing Satan's WORK, 'transforming America' INTO A CRIME-RIDDEN, THIRD-WORLD, IMPOVERISHED SHIT-HOLE!!!! 

My Attorney General Merrick Garland and my Federal Bastards of Intimidation are harrassing Christians and Jews all over the country. Very soon, I will make you accept my mark, or you will be unable to buy or sell or even hold a job! ALL HAIL D.E.I.!!!! YOU AIN'T SEEN NOTHIN' YET!!!!

Soon, The U.S. CONSTITUTION WILL BE REPLACED BY THE SATANIC BIBLE!!!! With my degenerate leftist gang in power, GOD IS MOCKED!!! ALL HAIL SATAN!!!!

Letitia James, The Scourge Of New York

As everybody knows, New York Attorney General Letitia James is currently the most evil presence in the universe, so we welcome the extremely evil Vigo The Carpathian (also known as Prince Vigo, Von Homburg Deutschendorf, Scourge of Carpathia, Sorrow of Moldavia, Vigo the Cruel, Vigo the Torturer Vigo the Despised, Vigo the Unholy) to explain to us just what bad a person Leticia James is:

Hello, you puny Americans,

I am Vigo, The Scourge of Carpathia, The Sadness of Maldavia. On New Year's Eve 1989, I attempted to take over the world and bring a worldwide season of evil. I failed.

Now, it's 2024, and a River of Slime is flowing under New York in the form of Attorney General Letitia James. This Stalinist Goon is accomplishing something I could only dream about in my most cruel, evil mind.

She has filed bogus fraud charges against developer and former President Donald Trump, and she is trying to destroy him financially. She is robbing him of almost $500,000,000 in the guise of a 'civil fine', charging him with fraud.

This abuse of power makes me and many other evil historical characters look like Mr.Rogers. She has falsely accused Mr. Trump of over-evaluating his own property to get a bank loan. The Bank itself reports that there was no fraud, that Trump paid off the loan, and that the bank is completly satisfied with their dealing with the developer...

....but that matters not to her. What was will be no more! She said, 'I shall take EVERYTHING HE HAS POSSESSED, OWNED, OR HAS EVER BUILT, AND CONFISCATE ALL HIS ASSETS!'

I will even take his home and his Trump Tower!!!!!' Back in my day, you needed a well-armed army to storm a castle!

The grotesque, evil Queen Letitia had campaigned to 'get Donald Trump.' even attacking him for his skin color, referring to him as being 'Too pale, and too stale.' On a mountain of skulls, in HER office of pain, she sits on a throne of blood!

The SHAMELESS news media worships and sucks up to Letitia James like my creepy, little right-hand man, Dr. Janosz Poha (played by Peter MacNichol).

She isn't even trying to lock up the violent criminals running wild in the streets and subways of New York City, spending her time persecuting a man who helped build the city.  She is SO EVIL AND MAD WITH POWER I may try to get a job working for her. I am updating my resume!

There are those trying to resist her insane lust for power. The rebel New York Fire Department boo'd her, and some truckdrivers are refusing to deliver food and supplies into New York City. Many businesspeople are refusing to to business in Gotham, and law-abiding New Yorkers are fleeing the city.

Will she have everyone thrown in prison and ruined financially, or just Donald Trump? What will be the result of her cruel, unconstitutional harvest of HATE? 

This is Vigo. Over and out.

Letitia James, Attorney General of New York, The Scourge of New York, Letitia the Stalinist Goon, Letitia the Cruel, Letitia the Racist, Letitia the Rotten, Letitia The Corrupt, Letitia the Confiscator

Ralphie Wiggum: Ketanji Brown-Jackson Is Brilliant!!!!!

We at The RedSquirrel Report believe in airing all views, so we welcome a typical Democrat voter:

Whoops, I just accidently ate paste....

Hi, my name is Ralphie Wiggum, and I am a Democrat voter. Mean , racist Republicans are making fun of Supremist Court Justice Ketanji Brown-Jackson because she is concerned that The First Amendment may make it easier to spread right-wing misinformation!

We need the government to control the discourse in this country because some right-wingers will lie about Covid and get everybody killed. Purple magic markers taste like grape!

Out of everybody on The Supremist Court, KBJ is the SMARTEST! O.k., so she doesn't kniw what a woman is. NOBODY'S PEFEKT!

I want the government to be in control of free speech. I trust Adam Schiff, Nancy Pelosi, and Liz Chaney and I watch MSNBC and CNN! The government-controlled media NEVER LIES!!!

If the government didn't step in, we would all be addicted to horse de-wormers! All those J6 insurrectionist NAZIS are a threat to OUR DEMOCRACY!!! J6 cost more American lives than The Silver War and the attack on Pearl Harbor combined!!!!

We need the government to censure misinformation on X/Twitter! Mark Zuckerberg and his fact-checkers on facebook do a fantastic job! WHOOPS, I just got some red spray paint up my nose!

If we didn't have the government picking winners and losers, it would be unpossible to know that The Father of our country was Black! Thank you GOOGLE GEMINI!!!!

Finally, Ketanji Brown-Jackson is right, because our wonderful President Joe Biden needs the government to control all the liars who hate him! He has created more jobs than all the Presidents before him, but his haters accuse him of turning the country into a banana republic. 

What's wrong with bananas? I like bananas, but that yellow skin tastes weird!

Biden has made it possible for an American to fit $200 of groceries in ONE BAG! 

BIDEN/ HARRIS 2024!!!  KETANJI BROWN-JACKSON FOR QUEEN OF THE SUPREME COURT!!!