Welcome To The Democrat's ''Moderate'' Masquerade Party

Hello, my dahlings, this is your HIGH SOCIETY REPORTER, GROANAND BEARITT, and I am here at The Democrat ''Moderate'' Masquerade Party!! Many of the guests are communists and criminals masquerading as ''moderate public servants.'' The guests are entering the ballroom!

Tonight we celebrate The Democrat's sneakiness and duplicity and their williness to lie their asses off as thry campaign . Most of them run as reasonable moderates, and THEN after fooling their idiot voters, govern like the communists, corruptocrats, criminals, crooks, creeps, and cross-dressers that they are!!!

......And here comes new Virginia Governor, Abigail Spannberger in her ''moderate mom'' mask. She ran as a moderate, and now the new governor is governing like a leftist lunatic! 

....and look over there! Here's rustic chic Minnesota Governor and ''fraud-fighter'', Tampon Timmy Walz in his FASHIONABLE, folksey Elmer FUDD RED PLAID HUNTING SHIRT. He ran as a MODERATE DEMOCRAT IN 2018,  AND THEN wasted an $18-billion surplus, pushed through an abortion law that would make Moloch proud, AND  gave the state away to his corrupt CRIMINAL Somali supporters!!!! 

AFTER DOING ALL THAT,  HE added insult to injury by introducing a new state flag that looks like the flag of Somalia!!!! Smile for the camera, Tampon!

Some notable Democrats couldn't make it to the Democrat's ''Moderate'' Masquerade Party tonight. The members of THE SQUAD, Ilhan Omar of Minnesota, Rashida Tlaib of Michigan, and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez of New York wear NO moderate mask, blatantly and consistantly showing their hatred for America and The Free Market!

Look who just arrived! It's Communist Mohammadon New York City Mayor Zohran Mamdani in his giant Smiling Commie mask! He promised free transportation, free rent, and free groceries, but now everyone knows that he was just lying! He just wants to punish the rich and give the city away to extremist Muslims!

LOOK OVER THERE! It's Massachussetts Socialist Senator Elizabeth Warren in her Indian costume hobknobbing with several representatives of the ''civil rights organization'' Southern Poverty Law Center who have arrived with white bed sheets over their heads!

Over there at the punchbowl we see Maine senatorial candidate Graham Platner.wearing a shirt that hides the large nazi tatoo on his chest.

We will keep this party going until their idiot voters stop rewarding this b.s.! Ta ta!!!!!

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS: WE'RE LOSING THE WAR IN IRAN BECAUSE I'M PAYING MORE AT THE PUMP!!!

  

 TRUMP WIPED OUT THE MULLAHS IN IRAN

AND DESTROYED THEIR MILITARY

I HAVE TO PAY MORE FOR A GALLON OF GAS

 

HEADLINE: VIRGINIA DEMOCRAT GERRYMANDERING SCHEME BLOWS UP IN THEIR FACE

 

Which State Flag Do REAL Minnesotans Choose??

Two years ago, the Minnesota DFL added insult to injury after their trifecta of communist loons passed the most extreme, Moloch-pleasing abortion law in human history. They squandered a huge surplus, and rewarded their CORRUPT Somali supporters, HELPING THEM rob and defraud the taxpayers on a massive scale. Their Somali supporters REWARDED them back by keeping them in power.

To top it off, some of their woke ''experts'' changed the state flag. The classic state flag was ''deemed racist'' because an American Indian was depicted on a horse. So, the leftist radicals in charge of the state threw out our classic Minnesota state flag IN FAVOR OF a new flag that bears a striking similarity to the Somaliland flag. 

Recently, about 2 dozen small towns across Minnesota voted to refuse to fly the new flag and to keep the classic flag THAT SELF-RESPECTING MINNESOTANS PREFER. The communist-DFL responded by introducing legislation to deny these small towns state aid. To these CROOKED leftist corruptocrats, surrendering the state to their Somali masters is mandatory, AND YOU OUT-STATE ''COW AND ROCK'' TOWNS HAD BETTER SURRENDER YOUR TOWN OR ELSE!!!!

When Governor Walz introduced the new flag, he did it in the most performative, OBNOXIOUS AND IN YOUR FACE  way imaginable. NO NORMAL, SELF-RESPECTING MINNESOTAN WAS CONSULTED DURING THE RIDICULOUS PROCESS. It almost seems as if Tampon Timmy was out to HUMILIATE his NORMAL, EVERYDAY opposition and make people feel HELPLESS.

Your bushy-tailed pundit is beginning to think that the new flag symbolizes the DFL's corrupt idea that Minnesota really BELONGS to the ultra-corrupt nation of Somalia. The Democrats gave the state to East African criminals, allowing them to rob the state clean, and in return, the Somalis agreed to keep these corrupt Democrats in power. I wonder if Walz, Flanagan and their allies see Minnesota as Somalia's communist satelite state or part of The United States of America.

On the classic state flag, there's a light-skinned farmer tending to a farmfield and a native-American on a horse. The communist DFLers found this offensive, so they opted for a flag that says nothing while looking like a Somali flag. There is a white shape on the new flag that is either a star or a gaping ''hole''. 

Maybe it symbolizes THE Minnesota taxpayer or something. We know the Democrats ENJOY screwing taxpayers as well as pandering to sodomites.

The color of the new flag is mostly a weak, non-descript blueish-green. I can only guess that it's a mixture symbolizing ''blue-state'' and ''environmentalist kook''-green.

There are some of us who would like to see a referendum on the 2026 Minnesota state ballot asking the voters to choose their flag, but with dozens of out-state towns refusing the new state flag and flying the classic state flag, perhaps we won't need a referendum. Rural and Suburban Minnesota towns like the old flag and the ultra-corrupt, LARGELY-FOREIGN urban center prefers flying a flag that looks  foreign.

I look forward to a time when Minnesotans will begin to see themselves as Americans again, and not a stranger in their own country or under the heel of corrupt Democrats and third-world pirates.

''Wayne's World'' Would Never Happen Now

In 1992, popular Saturday Night Live skit ''Wayne's World'' was made into a hit movie. The story features Mike Meyers as Wayne Campbell and Dana Carvey as his pal Garth Algar, two rockin' dudes having fun and starring in their most excellent public access TV show. 

I was just wondering how different it would be if they tried to film this movie in 2026.

The 1992 movie starts with young Chicago TV producer Benjamin Kane (Rob Lowe) laying in bed with a beautiful redhead. They are channel surfing when she turns it on to the public access TV channel. Her face lights up as she and Benjamin watch her favorite local PUBLIC ACCESS TV show featuring two hilarious, rockin' dudes. Benjamin believes he has found a TV show that he can sell to Noah Vanderhoff, the millionaire owner of a local chain of video game arcades. (REMEMBER VIDEO ARCADES?)

In the 2026 version, young men and women don't date, go out or have sex, so this version begins in the basement of Benji's parents house. He is a part-time doordash driver, mostly-unemployed internet enterpreneur, and he's stting alone in his underwear, watching YouTube. 

In the 2026 version, Wayne's World isn't a Public Access TV show. Instead, it's a YouTube reaction channel. Wayne and Garth's enjoy reacting to horror movies. Tonight's movie reaction is the 1968 horror classic, ''Night Of The Living Dead''. Garth is traumatized and Benjamin is amused.

Tonight's reaction video got a good number of video views and Wayne is in his parent's basement in HIS underwear checking out the comment section. Some of the comments are quite funny.

In the 1992 version, Wayne, Garth, and two buddies take ''The Mirth Mobile'' out on the town, They are playing ''Bohemian Rhapsody'' on the car's tape deck while headbanging to the beat. They go to Stan Mikita's Donuts, an eatery open 24 hours a day and it's managed by a local psychopath Glen. (played by Ed O'Neil).

Then they hit The GasWorks, a nightclub, where Wayne is quite enamored with the beautiful, exotic-looking singer-bassplayer on the stage. SCHWING!!!! It's Saturday night, and Wayne and his buds are having fun.

In the 2026 version, Wayne calls doordash and orders a pizza. Except for his YouTube channel, Wayne's life is miserable and boring. In the 1992 version, Wayne wears a ''Wayne's World'' baseball cap. In the 2026 version, Wayne wears a man-bun. Ewwww.

In the 1992 version, Wayne's love interest Cassandra, (played by Tia Carrere) is an ambitious, budding rock star. In the 2026 GENERATION Z version, Cassandra is either a member of a K-POP singing group or an obnoxious, 300-pound street protestor who hates Donald Trump. There are very few actual rock bands existing in 2026.

In the 1992 version, Wayne learns Cantonese, the language of his love interest CASSANDRA. In THE 2026 version, Wayne learns how hard it is to navigate LinketIn, where potential employers demand ''potential employees'' work without officially ever being employed or paid. He learns that most CEOs and job recruiters are psychopaths. Wayne goes back to his ''Joe Job''.

In the 1992 version, Benjamin exploits Wayne and Garth, but at least he pays them $5,000 first. In the 2026 version, Benjamin persuades Wayne and Garth to monetize their YouTube channel. They make a whopping 27.12.

In the 1992 version of Wayne's World, Wayne and Garth go to see Alice Cooper in Milwaukee, They have backstage passes and are excited to meet their hero. In the 2026 version, Benjamin gives them tickets to see Doja Kat. They leave after about 3 songs.

In the 1992 version, the conniving Benjamin tries to steal Cassandra away from Wayne, impressing her by speaking Cantonese and offering to produce her music video. Cassandra makes the video in a sexy jungle pelt and a snake draped over her.

In the 2026 version, Benjamin doesn't even like girls. Cassandra makes a lyric video and dedicates it to The MeToo Movement. If anyone dared suggest Cassandra shoot a video in a sexy jungle pelt she would sue them for HARRASSMENT.

Wayne's World 2026 couldn't happen now. People rarely go out and women are wondering where all the men have gone.

 Men don't ask girls out because when one tries, he is publicly humiliated.  If Wayne's World was filmed now it would be either the shortest, most boring, sad movie ever made or it would be quite unrealistic.

As for your bushy-tailed correspondent, he would rather live in Wayne's World than the world of 2026.

NEWS YOU CAN USE FROM THE MAYO CLINIC: CHECK YOUR MAYONNAISE

Tuesday is Cinco de Mayo, and our friends at The Mayo Clinic would like to remind everyone that Cinco de Mayo is the day you should check the freshness of the mayonnaise in your refrigerator.

If your mayonnaise smells or tastes rancid or spoiled, just dump the spoiled mayo down the cinco.

A QUESTION FOR THE ''NO KING'S'' CROWD

Dear ''No Kings'' protestors,

The fans of, descendents of, admirers of, and families of Martin Luther King, The King of Rock And Roll (Elvis Presley), Evelyn ''Champaigne'' King, Alan King, Billie Jean King, 'King'' (Labron) James, King Diamond, King Vitamin, If I was The King of the world, King Harvest, King Kong, The ''King of Country'' George Strait, heavy metal band King Kobra, Nat King Cole, the rock band King's X, The Sacramento KIngs, The Los Angeles Kings, The King of the Night Time World, I took her to the hotel and she said ''You're the king'', Burger King, King Arthur, King James, King Louis, KIng Phillip, KIng David, King Henry the Eighth, King Tut, King Kamehameha, King Harald V, King Carl XVI Gustaf, The King of Diamonds, The King of Hearts, The King of Clubs, The King of Spades, King Frederik X, KIng Kong Bundy, King Hippo, King Montezuma,  The King of the Jungle, Benny Goodman (The King of Swing), The King of the Road, King Nicolaus, King Nebuchadnezzer, The King of Saud, King Crimson, The King Biscuit Flower Hour, AND KIng Othello

would like to know why you're so intolerant of ''All Kings''. What did THEY ever do to you?

Get the bug out of your ass, you intolerant communist lunatics.