Is Jon Ossoff The Biggest Douche In The Universe THIS WEEK?

 

''The Biggest Douche In The Universe,'' the 15th episode of the sixth season of the animated series SOUTH PARK, featured a ''beauty'' pageant of gross, hideous creatures, vying for the HORRIBLE title. Apparently, who ever organized this contest never met a MODERN-DAY Democrat, BECAUSE DEMOCRATS WOULD DOMINATE THIS COMPETITION IF THEY WERE ALLOWED TO COMPETE

A douche is defined as an obnoxious or contemptable person. I think that douches are also abusive to others. All  modern-day liberals are abusive to taxpayers and law-abiding American citizens in general.. 

I would say if you ranked the 500 biggest douchenags in the universe, at least 450 would be well-known Democrat leaders. It's mandatory to be an AMERICA-HATING  DOUCHE if you want a place at the Democrat table. Such DOUCHETASTIC LUMINARIES include THE ULTRA-HATEFUL OBNOXIOUS DOUCHE HASAN PIKER, SOCIALIST GRIFTER-DOUCHE BERNIE SANDERS, DFL CORRUPTOCRAT MN GOVERNOR-DOUCHE TIM WALZ, CORRUPTOCRAT DOUCHE GREASY GAVIN NEWSOM, ZOHRAN THE MORON-DOUCHE MAMDANI, ANTI-SEMITIC THIRD-WORLD CORRUPTOCRAT SHE-DOUCHE ILHAN OMAR, and a host of other mean-spirited, ULTA-leftist COMMIE-DOUCHES..

This week's BIGGEST DOUCHE IN THE UNIVERSE is Georgia Democrat Senator Jon Ossoff, who suggested that President Trump and his close aide NATALIE HARP are having an affair during a speech AT A CAMPAIGN RALLY as the crowd laughed like hyenas.

To LEFTIST DOUCHE Jon Ossoff, ANYONE showing loyalty to ORANGE MAN BAD can be attacked. He is SUPPOSEDLY a PUBLIC SERVANT.

It WOULD BE unfair to deny Senator Ossoff his award THIS WEEK. The competition for the title ''BIGGEST DOUCHEBAG IN THE UNIVERSE'' AMONG DEMOCRATS is indeed FIERCE. All the Democrats are WINNERS, AND they ALL should be CROWNED.

There are many, many douches in the world. Almost ALL MUSLIMS are douches. Nearly ALL college professors are AMERICA-HATING DOUCHES. Many of them CELEBRATED THE MURDER OF CHARLIE KIRK.  DISGUSTING, EFFING DOUCHES.

If you're one of those AWFL fans of Luigi Mangeone, who murdered Healthcare C.E.O. Brian Thompsopn AND/OR Lindsay Clancy, the Mother who strangled her three children, YOU'RE A MENTAL CASE AND A DOUCHE. If you hate ICE AGENTS but protest for illegal  aliens, you're a TOXIC, EMPATHATIC DOUCHE.

So, congratulations to Georgia Senator Jon Ossoff. You're THE BIGGEST DOUCHEBAG IN THE UNIVERSE THIS WEEK. SO, DEAR RSR READERS, WHICH DEMOCRAT WOULD YOU CROWN AS KING OR QUEEN OF THE DOUCHES NEXT WEEK?

(Singing): ''THERE HE IS, THE BIGGEST DOUCHEBAG IN THE UNIVERSE THIS WEEK!!!!''

A Comment From Total Bastard Airlines: ''Buh-Bye To Embattled Seattle Mayor Katie Wilson''

Hello, It's me, MITCHELL, former male steward for TOTAL BASTARD AIRLINES. The RedSquirrel Report has asked me to comment on THE RECALL EFFORT AGAINST SOCIALIST SEATTLE MAYOR KATIE WILSON.

Under the mayor's hostile-to-business leadership, many businesses are leaving. Katie led a BOYCOTT against STARBUCKS COFFEE. When Howard Schultz, former president of the famous Seatlle brand threatened to leave, THE SOCIALIST MAYOR LAUGHED AND SAID ''BUH-BYE''.

Now, Mayor Wilson's poll numbers have dropped sharply, and the city has started an effort to RECALL THE INCOMPETENT MAYOR . It appears the people of Seattle city may soon be saying ''Buh-bye'' to Katie.

MAYOR KATIE WILSON TOLD THE RICH PEOPLE IN SEATTLE, ''BUH-BYE.'', AND NOW....................

(Dancing and singing): NSYNC says ''Bye Bye Bye, BITCH!'' 

Supertramp says (SINGING FALSETTO): ''BUH-BYE Stranger!

ALL THE TAXPAYERS SHE SCREWED ARE SINGING (singing:) NA NA NA NA.....NA NA NA NA HEY HEY, BUH-BYE...............

Motley Crue says ''Katie, don't go away mad, KATIE, Just go away, BUH-BYE!!!!''

THE EARLY 90'S BAND FIREHOUSE CALLED AND SAID ''BUH-BYE, BABY, BUH-BYE, AND THAT'S ALL SHE WROTE, BUH-BYE!!!!''

K.C. AND THE SUNSHINE BAND SAYS ''That's the way uh-huh. uh-huh BUH-BYE!!!!!!!''

OLD BLUE EYES IS SINGING ''START SPREADING THE NEWS, YOU'RE LEAVING.........BUH-BYE!!!!!!'' BUH-BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TAKE OUR NEW RSR POLITICAL POLL

Welcome to The 2026 RSR Poll. Here are a series of poll questions. We will determine if you favor The Republicans, Democrat-Socialists, or Independents:

Question 1: Do you consider yourself a A) Republican, or B.) Democrat?

Question 2. Who would you rather vote for? A). A MAGA candidate or B). Osama bin Laden?

Question 3: What would make you happier? A) A good job and money in the bank or, B). the streets running red with the blood of capitalists?

Question 4: What/Who do you hate? A). violent terrorists and violent illegal alien criminals raping and murdering Americans or, B) Whites, Blacks, Browns, capitalists, Christians, Jews, Western Civilization, America's founding Fatheres?

Question  5: What is a WOMAN? A,) An adult human female or, B). I don't know.

Question 6: If you can't afford something, you....A.) Spend your money wisely until you can afford it,  and try to earn more money , or B). Demand THE GOVERNMENT TAKES IT AWAY FROM SOMEONE ELSE AND Give it to you?

Question 7: What SHOULD be the law of the land? A.) The Constitution or, B.) shariah

Question 8: Should men and women be equal under the law? A.) Yes or, B.) No, women should be forced to wear a burqa and be stoned to death for disobeying their husband.

Question 9: Unborn babies should be______? A.) Welcomed into the world. or, B.) Aborted because thats what Moloch wants.

Question 10: Illegal aliens should be...........? A.) Arrested and deported. or, B.) registered to vote, rewarded for breaking our laws and be given lots of free stuff.

Question: 11: Did 3,000 American citizens deserve to die horrible deaths on September 11, 2001? A.) NO. B.) YES

If you answered A.) on 8 or more questions, you agree with REPUBLICANS.

If you answered A.) on 7 of the questions, you are probably an Independent.

If you answered B.) on 6-8 questions, you agree with DEMOCRATS.

If you answered B.) on at least 8 questions, you are a Communist Socialist Maniac, a hateful lunatic and The F.B.I. SHOULD be paying you a visit soon. You are crazy, and may God have mercy on your soul.

SONG PARODY ALERT!!! BANANARAMA SINGS ABOUT THE CALM SUMMER WITHOUT USAID AND ACTBLUE-FUNDED RIOTS

Americans have been noticing what a calm, peaceful riot season it's been since President Trump and Elon Musk de-funded The Democrat's rioters. 

USAID AND ACTBLUE have been de-funded and THE SPLC (Southern Poverty Law Center) have been BUSTED. IT SEEMS LIKE NO ONE IS BEING PAID TO PROTEST and no one is seeing any slick, pre-printed signs anywhere.

In 1984, POP TRIO BANANARAMA scored with a major top ten hit, ''CRUEL SUMMER''. Now, they return with a re-make ''Calm Summer'', describing the lack of riots since all the Democrat-Communist groups have been de-funded BY DOGE (Department  of Government Efficiency. Hit it, ladies:

The Summer is here, the cities aren't burning, No protestors around

No brick piles or pre-printed signs

No voices screaming ''NO JUSTICE NO PEACE'!!!''

I just don't understand

There's no riots, USAID and ACTBLUE were defunded

It's a calm (calm), Calm Summer

You protesters are all on your own

It's a calm (calm), Calm Summer

The funding is gone

The commies are de-fumded, ACTBLUE is broke, You rioters are on your own

The SPLC has been busted, Trump has cut the funding to the bone

It's a calm (calm), calm Summer

You protestors are all on your own

It's a calm (calm), Calm Summer

Crime is way down and the funding's CUT to the bone

It's a calm (calm),  Summer

No ''mostly-peaceful'' riots going on

It's a calm (calm), Summer

The funding is gone, Where has the paid rioters gone?

The StarTribune Celebrates JIm's Democrat Daughter Amy, Ignores Republican (Whats-Her-Name) Lisa Demuth

 Just look at this:

This disgraceful BIRDCAGE LINER is already celebrating. Here, the Democrat gubernatorial candidate is being CELEBRATED as ''the first woman to lead major ticket for Minnesota governor.'' They IGNORE THE REPUBLICAN CANDIDATE, ALSO A WOMAN....also ''the first woman to lead a major ticket for Minnesota governor.''

'FOR ALL YOU STRIB READERS, HER NAME IS LISA DEMUTH. She is currently The Speaker in The Minnesota House of Representatives. YEAH, I think she's a PRETTY BIG DEAL.

WE CONTINUE. Her (Amy Klobuchar's) victory gives Minnesota Democrats a FORMIDABLE nominee to lead the ticket at a time when the party's brand is UNDER STRAIN. 

Translation: Our crappy newspaper are cheerleading for Amy because her liberal Dad Jim wrote for us and we are Democrat suck-ups. When we say ''the party's brand is under strain'', we really mean ''we're protecting the fraud-ridden D.F.L. corruptocrats currently being investigated. The current Governor, Tim Walz, has dropped out of his re-election bid because he's a corrupt, disgraced hack.

We at The Strib ignore (What's Her Face) Lisa Demuth because she's ALSO THE FIRST WOMAN TO LEAD A MAJOR TICKET FOR MINNESOTA TICKET, BUT SHE'S A REPUBLICAN,.....SO WE'RE IGNORING HER.

OUR RIDICULOUSLY-BIASED NEWSPAPER HATES REPUBLICANS. SO, we're acting like Democrat victory is a foregone conclusion and Amy''s Republican opponent (WHAT'S HER FACE) doesn't exist.

Screw you, and screw all you rocks and cows. That's what The Strib is saying to you.

Muslim Threatens To Leave Country If We Keep Eating Bacon. American Woman Shows Her ''The Door''

 

This Week's Reading From The Book Of James (Talarico) ''Faith In A Non-Binary God And The Pollsters''

 

We begin this reading in the Third Chapter of James (Talarico)

1. And in the days of primaries, Francesca Hong's 29 point lead evaporated, and there was a great voter drought, and she lost.  2. Likewise, El-Sayed's 10 point lead came and went, like dust in the wind, and his poll numbers dropped like manna from heaven.

3. In those days, the FAITHFUL candidate Talarico lead against PAXTON by a margin of 3, and the democrats in Austin rejoiced, saying ''Surely, our non-binary God will deliver our eventual victory because the pollsters all say we are LEADING IN THE POLLS. IN AUGUST, AND THE POLLS ARE NEVER WRONG!!!

4. Then the prophets saw the future. 5. The polls tightened, and the rank-and-file Republicans began to pay attention. Talarico's lead shrank faster than his testosterone levels. 6. Surely, a tofu-eating ''Christian'' who insults beef-eating followers of Christ must have faith he will win in The Lone Star State.

7. On Election Day, Talarico rejoiced, saying ''I BELIEVE THAT I SHALL BE VICTORIOUS, JUST LIKE BETO, FOR THE POLLS SAY SO!!!''

8. BUT, ALAS, Talarico could barely even win in Austin. Paxton was victorious in In Dallas-Fort Worth and Houston and San Antonio. In East Texas and West Texas, an army of right-wing voters came forward and voted for The Normal Texan..