In one stunning result Tuesday night, Brain-damaged Democrat John Fetterman won his contest against Republican Mahmet Oz. Here he is to deliver his victory speech:
Goodnight, everybody. Me win election football hanburger abortion good. Me win fly like Philadelphia Eagles to fluffy nest in Washington.
Now we must free violent criminal prison inmates like Morgan Freeman in Shawshank Redemption. Good Hunter Biden good job with Ukraine. Everyone wins. I help President Biden do good job.
Mom and me go shopping for clothes, and she bought me another wear hoodie and black shorts for my inuguration. Bump on my neck likes winning hotdog baseball Ritz Crackers.
We make rich Republicans pay fair share for no more fracking. I support fracking. Vaccines for every arm and free checks and ballots in every mailbox. Thank you dropboxes and Dominion
Coal is dirty, rotten job. My job is stopping dirty coal mines dirty pretty trees and climate change will kill everyone. We must stop FOXNEWS information pollution and rich Orange Man!
We build back better and inflation reduction and everyone needs to wear their Covid masks because Democrats care Ketchup and chocolate face. Sprinkles TOO!!!
I thank The great Oprah for giving me her big thumbs up endorsement. She is queen of Planet Earth!
I have to go back to Mom's basement and take a nap.
I will take vow on Soviet Constitution, and rock my black hoodie. THANK YOU, PENNSYLVANIA!
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