Ralphie Wiggum Analyzes The 2022 Mid-Term Elections

Here to give his 1 cent (2 cents is asking a bit much) is our Junior Political Analyst, Ralphie Wiggum. 

Hi America!

In Minnesota, God-like Bergermeister-Miesterberger Tim Walz won re-election because he saved Minnesota from Covid! Ilhan Omar won re-election. People get on her case because she married her own brother (She's related to him). My Dad and my Mom are married. They're also related. I don't see the problem.

It's terrific that Minnesota Democrats are talking about Abortion protections now that they have control. Babies need to be protected from being born. They should have the right to be torn limb-from-limb in their mommy's tummy.. The fat lady in Georgia said that inflation is bad right now, so one way to save money is to abort your unviable tissue mass. I was sad when she lost.

I like Uncle John Festerman because he thinks and speaks just like ME! In fact, I hope to be just like him when I grow up! He wants to free the prisoners because he saw The Shawshank Redemption. 

I want to make Carbonite illegal because I saw Han Solo encased in it on The Empire Strikes Back. Princess Leia loves him! That darn Darth Vader is such a Republican meanie! So is that Jabba The Hut!

I was surprised when I learned that The Wizard of Oz was running in Pennsylvania. He's a good man, but a bad wizard. He's an even worse candidate.

I think President Biden is GREAT, although he likes to sniff girl's hair and neck. STRANGER DANGER!!!! Last week I was eating some glue, and thought it was unpossible to speak as well as President Biden. Uncle Festerman beats him by a mile! I couldn't speak at all because I ate super glue.

I don'r like all this 'red wave' talk. I saw that video on YouTube where hundreds of people drowned in Indonesia. That made me cry. Then I ate some crayons, and I felt better. Then I got sick. My barf was pretty.

I think I should be a professional vote counter in Arizona. I'd do a better job, and it would only take 3 or 4 days if I counted the ballots by myself. The schools must be bad if the poll workers have trouble counting the ballots. 

It's strange that everybody is so unhappy about crime and the economy, then the voters re-elect all the politicians who caused the problems. Am I the only one who thinks this?

It's a great idea to vote for Democrat mayors. After all, they're experts in criminal activity. Whoops, I just super-glued my head to my shoulder. Help me!