Don Lemon: Just Google It!

Recently, CNN Host Don Lemon said that 51-year-old presidential candidate Nikki Haley should think twice before telling her potential voters that she's in her prime. The gay CNN host took to Google to research when a woman is 'in her primse', and discovered that women really are in their prime while in their 20's, 30's, and 40's.

We here at RSR believe in allowing those who make controversial, strange  comments defend themselves. Here he is after his one-day suspension:

Thank you, RedSquirrel Report :

I'll bet all my detractors think that I am sorry for my critisicm of Nikki Haley, but I WAS RIGHT! JUST GOOGLE IT! WOMEN ARE IN THEIR PRIME IN THEIR 20'S, 0'S, AND MAYBE THEIR 40'S!

In fact, If you wanna know why I'm am THE BESTEST AND SMARTEST REPORTER COMMENTATOR IN THE WORLD, YOU SHOULD GOOGLE 'Why Is Don Lemon The Bestest And Smartest Reporter Commentator In The WORLD'. Go ahead, JUST GOOGLE IT!

Tomorrow, I am breaking a story that Bugs Bunny is a lie because rabbits can't really SPEAK. JUST GOOGLE IT!!! Also, I recently learned that Jeremiah WAS NOT REALLY A BULLFROG!!! Three Dog Night should be made to explain their false claim that Jeremiah was a bullfrog, because he wasn't!

JUST  GOOGLE IT!!!

I've also discovered a historical inaccuracy in that movie 'Bill And Ted's Excellent Adventure. I LEARNED THAT former President Abraham Lincoln DID NOT REALLY HELP THE BOYS WITH THEIR ORAL HISTORY EXAM!!!

Nikki Haley is yet ANOTHER dishonest Republican. She probably helped plan the insurrection of January 6th, which was the mostest, terriblest attack on American democracy in our entire history!

Any 51 year-old woman claiming to be in her prime should be SHUNNED! I am glad that Joe Biden is our President, and not that.........liar! JUST GOOGLE IT!!!!!Falsehoods have no place in American politics!

just google it!!!!

SONG PARODY ALERT! Transportation Secretary Buttegieg Sings The De-railed Train Themesong (Re-make of Sheena Easton's Hit 'MorningTrain')

Three weeks ago a train derailed in East Palestine, Ohio., spilling toxic materials into the local water supply and soil. So far, Biden's gay Secretary of  Transportation Pete Buttegieg hasn't visited the site.

With a mushroom cloud hovering over the town, Ohio Governor Mike Dewine has asked The Resident of The White House for Disaster Relief, and Biden has refused. 70% of East Palestine voters voted for President Trump. Instead of delivering aid to the Ohio town, Biden made a President's Day visit to The Ukraine.

Here to tell the administration's side of this story (to the tune of 1981 #1 hit 'Morning Train' by Scottish singer Sheena Easton), is gay Secretary of Transportation Pate Buttegieg:  

In East Palestine Ohio, lots of fish and pets are dead

A toxic train is derailed, no help from the feds

chemical mushroom cloud, burning in the sky

Biden doesn't even care, if everybody dies

I'm The Secretary of Transportation, just because I am gay

The people want some answers, but I don't know what to say

I'm Pete Buttegeig, Slow-Joe Biden's pick

70% voted for Trump, and we don't care if they get sick

So, who cares about the derailed train?

Don't ask me, Karine or Ron Klain

I will just laugh, and say 'What Me Worry?'

We don't care about the derailed train

and all that crap in your shower drain

I just hope the news stations will bury this story

It's like a horror movie, The mayor says 'We're screwed'

The townsfolk are complaining. I think they're being rude

Governor Dewine asks FEMA 'Can we gets some federal aid'?

The Biden Regime is saving the world from 'Climate Change'.........

Don't ask us about the derailed train

Don't ask me, or Karine or Ron Klane

I'll just laugh and say 'What, Me Worry?'

Go and drink the water, and fish in the creeks

You can all drop dead, you flyover hicks

We don't care about the derailed train,. You can fly a kite

We hate you if you're Republican and White

We don't care about the derailed train

Biden will go and visit The Ukraine

We'll just laugh and say 'What, me worry?'

Joe doesn't care about the derailed train (about that derailed train)

(Biden  is visiting the Ukraine) Slow-Joe wiorks so hard!

(Biden really cares) They're still waiting for him

(We don't care about the derailed train)

(He's sending billions more to The Ukraine)

(Drop dead,, Ohio!  They're still waiting for disaster aid...........)

How To Speak LIke Joe Biden

He's the leader of the free world. If you're the President, there are some things you should learn to speak 'like the president.' This short, instructional guide shows you how to speak like The President of the United States. Much of the time, he speaks in gibberish, word salads, and empty platitudes, but sometimes you can understand what he says:

First, make up a weird, whacky, probably untrue story. For example, Joe Biden likes to tell his story of 'Cornpop.'

Next, tell another untrue story that puts you at the center of a hostorical event. You can tell your audience about the time you were arrested for protesting Apatheid and shared a jail cell with Nelson Mandela, or something.. The story you tell should be relevent to the group you're speaking to. If you're speaking in Poland, refer to yourself as 'Bidensky.' If you're in Germany, call yourself 'Bidenschmitt.'

If it's MLK Day, tell the all-Black audience that you were there when Reverend King was shot and killed, and that you were a pallbearer of his funeral. If you're speaking before a meeting of La Raza, talk about the time you were a farm worker fighting for Worker Rights with Ceasar Chavez.

It's a terrific way to get cheap applause, and it's also incredibly devisive! Remember, lying is O.K. What matters here is that you're fooling your audience into thinking that you're down with their struggle.

Next, pick a few 'straw men' to demonize. Tell your audience that (your straw man) is a danger to democracy. Tell your audience that your straw man wants to take away their Social Security and Medicare. Bring up 'lynching', and tell your audience that, unlike your enenies, you OPPOSE LYNCHING!

Also, pound and wave your fist like Adolph Hitler! Yeah, just like THAT!

If you have a son who served in the armed forces, tell your audience that he died in action (even if he didn't). Also, if your first wife died in a car accident, just tell your audience that the other driver was drunk (even if he or she wasn't).

Take credit for everything the previous administraion did that was good for the country, and blame the previous administration for everything that has gone wrong under your watch. Take all the credit for caring about an issue, even if you are the last one to make it to the party.

Example: Yeah, I'm here because I care about your kids dying from Fentanyl. Where have YOU GUYS BEEN?????

Remember, if anyone tries to ask you a question or explain yourself, just turn your back and walk the other direction until you're out of danger. Have your wife hold your hand because a stage can be a scary place.

Just learn how to lie your ass off, and YOU TOO can learn how to speak like Joe Biden!

If Katie Hobbs Was The Referee In The Super Bowl

On Sunday, The Kansas City Chiefs won Super Bowl LVII, defeating The Philadelpia Eagles 38-35. It was a terrific, back and forth match-up. Many pundits and fans questioned a late holding call on Eagle Cornerback James Bradberry, which moved The Chiefs closer to their winning Field Goal,

The Super Bowl was played at State Farm Stadium Field in Glendale, Arizona, home of The Arizona Cardinals. The late holding call was called in Maricopa County, the home of ANOTHER RECENT controversey.

The Arizona Governor's race between Democrat Katie Hobbs and Republican Kari Lake STILL is in question, three months after Election Day 2023. Hobbs has been declared the winner, even after charges of corruption and a broken election system are being made by The Kari Lake campaign. 

This case is making it's way through the courts.

Everybody knows (and has an opinion) about the holding call in The Super Bowl, yet most Americans aren't really paying attention to what's going on in Arizona. I would like to explain to The American People the travesty of The Arizona Governor's race by explaining what it would be like if Arizona Secretary of State/ candidate for governor Katie Hobbs was the referee in The Super Bowl.

First of all, she would be the owner / head coach of one of the teams as well as the referee. Of course, that would be unfair right there. She was The Arizona Secretary of State AND a candidate for Governor.

Then, she would probably change the schedule date of The Super Bowl, never telling the opposing team or the fans that the Super Bowl would occur over TWO days. Her team would run up the score on DAY 1 in secrecy , then her team (or referee crew) would plant land mines all over the football field before DAY 2 would commence. 

The other team would take to the field, on DAY TWO and several players would step on the land mines, while team Katie Hobbs would refuse to come out of the locker room. During the campaign, Democrat candidate Katie Hobbs refused to debate Republican candidate Kari Lake,

If Team Kari Lake can avoid the landmines and make a first down, Katie Hobbs would throw a yellow flag on the field, and bring out assistant coach Marc Elias (Hobb's Campaign lawyer) to bully and threaten the other referees.

If any of the officials dared to call a penalty on Team Hobbs, Katie would reserve the right to have the official arrested by stadium security.

Team Kari Lake would be forced to stand on the sideline for 3-4 hours, waiting for referee (Arizona Secretary of State/ candidate for Governor) Hobbs to remove the land mines from the field.

Day two of The Super Bowl would begin at 5:00 P.M., and the stadium lights would ne turned off at 8:00 P/M. The game clock would run down, making it impossible for Team Kari to stage a comeback. 

The time-clock would run down EVEN IF Kari calls a time-out.

Katie Hobbs would also hire Dominion Vote Technologies to rig the scoreboard. Incredible confusion will follow. (On Election Day, 'somebody' had printed thousand of ballots that were the wrong size for the vote machines in strong Republican voter precincts, jamming them.)

Super Bowl 'Champion' Katie Hobbs awards herself The Vincent Lombardi Super Bowl Trophy, and cackles when Terry Bradshaw tries to interview her. (When Katie Hobbs took the oath as new Arixona Governor, she cackled when asked if she vowed to uphold The Constitution.)

Democrat Governor-Elect Katie Hobbs threatens to have the losing team arrested. The End.

Conclusion: If you're the least bit angry about a questionable holding call with under 2 minutes left in the Super Bowl, you would be up in arms if you were a Kari Lake supporter. Also, Democrats are rotten, corrupt liars and cheaters, and ruin eveything they touch. 

The only thing that matters to them is their lust for power, so they'll rig elections. If they ran football, they would ruin football too.

A Happy Valentine's Day To You

The RedSquirrel Report wishes everyone a terrific Valentine's Day. Here's a collection of Valentine's Day greetings sent by celebs and international movers and shakers:

Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-MN): Dear brother, Be my valentine. I would marry you all over again, especially if it would keep you from being deported from this racist country. <3

Biden transgender appointee Sam Brinton: Greetings from The Biden White House!

Dear transgender valentines, YOU are my preferred pronoun!!!!!!!<3

President Joe Biden: (whispering creepily) Merry Juneteenth.......OOOOH, ICE CREAM!!!!!<3

We wish America a real Valentine's Day Massacre! Your's Truly, The Taliban <3

Vice President Kamala Harris: Have a Happy Valentine's Day. That is, have a happy day with your valentine.......on Valentine's Day. That is to say, the holiday on February the 14th.....Tuesdey the 14th. Valentine's Day.....<3

Rep. Ed Markie (D-MA): Dear Abortion, I love you!<3

MSNBC Host Joy Reid: Happy Valentine's Day, although it's a racist holiday where a little White Cupid goes around shotting people with his bow and arrow. Why won't Congress pass 'Bow and Arrow Control Laws'? Racists!!!!!<3

Former (and future) President Donald J. Trump: Happy Valentine's Day (even to all you liars and losers) <3

Former President Barack Obama: Let me be clear.....My dear wife Big Mike, Be my valentine. Allahu Akbar!!!!<3

Rep. Adam Schiff (D-CA): My Valentine, I only have eyes for you! <3

Former Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA): Your Mother's in here, Karras. Would you like to leave a message? I'll see that she gets it.<3

Rashida, Ilhan, Alexandria and Cori Need A Time-Out

Your bushy-tailed correspondent was just reminescing about the good old days when I attended Mrs. Berg's Kindergarden Class. It was the 1970-1971 school year, when the mighty dinosaurs roamed the playground at Taconite Elementary School in Northern Minnesota's Itasca County.

I remember my little friends and I would be sent to 'The Baby Corner' if we ran in the halls or misbehaved. I was sent to The Baby Corner a few times.

A few days ago, Representative Ilhan Omar MN-D) was removed from one of her committees, and she and her Squad friends went balistic. Rashida Tlaib (D-Mi) cried and shrieked bitterly and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) acted like a crack addict, yelling and acting out. 

Cori Bush (D-MO) made racially-charged accusations against new Speaker Kevin McCarthy (R-CA).

I wonder what my Kindergarden teacher would have to say about this. Mrs. Berg would probably have sent them to The Baby Corner for a time-out.

Clark Griswold Watched Biden's State Of The Union Speech Last Night

Hello America, It's Clark W. Griswold, All-American Dad. I watched the jerk in action last night. On behalf of every patriotic, decent American tax-payer he rear-ended last year, I'd like to just tell him what a lying, dishonest, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, pandering, heartless, soulless, senile, brain-dead, arrogant, creepy, child-sniffing, evil, shitty, under-handed, America-punishing, treasonous, traiterous, greedy, incompetent, fraudulent, influence-peddling, crooked, brain-addled (I take a breath).......

lousy, neck-licking, overblown, ignorant, blood-sucking, under-aged girl kissing, job-killing, dumb-assed, worm-headed, border-erasing, warmongering, money-laundering, racist, bloviating, shit-grinning, criminal, slimy, scummy, hitleresque, bullshitting, cheating, tyrannical, thievin' sack of MONKEY SHIT HE IS!!!!

HALLELUJAH!!! HOLY SHIT!!!! Where's the Tylenol?