It seems that Presidential candidate Newt Gingrich has has a very rough two weeks, so in the name of fair play, your bushy-tailed correspondent wishes to take a moment to defend this great American.
A couple weeks ago. his second ex-wife charged that Mr. Gingrich wanted 'an open marriage', yet he got two daughters from his first marriage to defend him. It is a mark of a great man that he could get TWO daughters from one of his two broken marriages to defend him from accusations made by another ex-wife.
It is extremely unfair to cast Mr. Gingrich as ugly and unlovable. He's been married three times, and as far as I know, none of his three wives are blind.
The former Speaker was removed from his leadership position by House Republicans in 1999. I issue a challenge to all Democrat voters out there. If he is THAT disliked by Republicans, shouldn't he be able to get Democrat voters to cross party lines, and vote for him?
Newt Gingrich took hundreds of thousands of dollars from Fanny Mae and Freddy Mac. If he could do a campaign commercial, co-starring with Barney Frank and Christopher Dodd, I bet he could turn this into a positive.
Newt Gingrich did a commercial with Nancy Pelosi. See? He doesn't discriminate
...even against ethically-challenged, extremist psycholefty nut jobs.
They say that Newt Gingrich has a thousand ideas, of which, 900 are probably good. That's 900 more good ideas than Obama has.
Gingrich supported the individual mandate. For you Democrats out there who fantasize about rounding up and throwing anti-Obamacare refuseniks in prison, you might want to give Newt a second look.
Finally, Newt Gingrich wants to build a space station on Mars. I'll bet that wouldn't cost the taxpayer much.
Monday, February 6, 2012
Frustration Nation
I grew up in the 1970's, so I got some of my learnin' every Saturday morning from ABC's Schoolhouse Rock . It was there I learned That Preamble Song, where to get my adverbs (at Lolly's), and how to conjunct my conjunctions down at Conjunction Junction. (And, But, Or....They'll git ya pretty far....)
Last Friday, the government told us that the unemployment rate fell to 8.3%, even though they do not count millions of people who are too frustrated to even look for a job anymore. I think this country needs the folks at Schoolhouse Rock to explain the unemployment rate to the American people. Something catchy, similar to Conjunction Junction.
How about........Frustration Nation? C'mon kids, sing along:
Frustration Nation, consternation
How do we figure the unemployment rate?
Frustration Nation, misinformation
Obama can be re-elected if it's under 8
There's some who find a job, so let's count them
There's those no longer looking, let's not count them
We can spin the numbers
Or tell outright lies
Just stop counting some people and see if that flies
We have to re-elect The Messiah
So don't let that unemployment rate get any higher
Tell the American people
it's down to 8.3
I wish that they would stop lyin' to me
Next on the new Schoolhouse Rock, our singers explain the housing crisis.
Last Friday, the government told us that the unemployment rate fell to 8.3%, even though they do not count millions of people who are too frustrated to even look for a job anymore. I think this country needs the folks at Schoolhouse Rock to explain the unemployment rate to the American people. Something catchy, similar to Conjunction Junction.
How about........Frustration Nation? C'mon kids, sing along:
Frustration Nation, consternation
How do we figure the unemployment rate?
Frustration Nation, misinformation
Obama can be re-elected if it's under 8
There's some who find a job, so let's count them
There's those no longer looking, let's not count them
We can spin the numbers
Or tell outright lies
Just stop counting some people and see if that flies
We have to re-elect The Messiah
So don't let that unemployment rate get any higher
Tell the American people
it's down to 8.3
I wish that they would stop lyin' to me
Next on the new Schoolhouse Rock, our singers explain the housing crisis.
A Statement From Nutty Nancy
My fellow Catholics,
This week, the Catholic Church learned that they are required to pay for their employees healthcare plans, which includes contraception benefits. As a practicing Catholic, I am quite pleased that my Catholic Church, as backward as it is, will finally be dragged into the modern age. I continue to stand side-by-side of my new, improved Catholic Church.
Finally, there is a new morality sweeping the old, tired morality away! As a grandmother, my heart leaps for joy in knowing that our wonderful President, along with our Congress, CAN overturn the last 2,000 years of Western civilization.
I promise to keep protecting the rights of women, by protecting a woman's god-given right to have her unviable tissue mass torn limb-from-limb, and sucked out of her thru a vacuum tube, if that's what she wants.
Someday soon, I may even begin reading what was in The Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act, because I am deeply interested in knowing just what it was that I had voted for back in 2010.
Thank you.
This week, the Catholic Church learned that they are required to pay for their employees healthcare plans, which includes contraception benefits. As a practicing Catholic, I am quite pleased that my Catholic Church, as backward as it is, will finally be dragged into the modern age. I continue to stand side-by-side of my new, improved Catholic Church.
Finally, there is a new morality sweeping the old, tired morality away! As a grandmother, my heart leaps for joy in knowing that our wonderful President, along with our Congress, CAN overturn the last 2,000 years of Western civilization.
I promise to keep protecting the rights of women, by protecting a woman's god-given right to have her unviable tissue mass torn limb-from-limb, and sucked out of her thru a vacuum tube, if that's what she wants.
Someday soon, I may even begin reading what was in The Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act, because I am deeply interested in knowing just what it was that I had voted for back in 2010.
Thank you.
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Barack....You're Fired!
Former Massachussetts Governor and Presidential candidate Mitt Romney picked up another endorsement on Thursday. Donald Trump, billionaire real estate developer and host of NBC's 'The Apprentice', announced his endorsement in Las Vegas.
Chairperson of The Democratic National Committee, Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, immediately pointed out that the presidential candidate said that he likes being allowed to 'fire' unproductive, inept employees. So, it's no surprise that Donald Trump would endorse Romney.
You see, unproductive, inept employees should NEVER get fired when you live in Debbie Wasserman Schultz's world, because the only world she knows is the federal government. The world of beaureaucrats and lobbyists and lobbyists and politicians and public sector unions.
It would be fun if Mr. Trump could call Barack Obama up to the board room, on election night 2012, so he could give The Bamster the bad news.
That would be ratings gold.
Chairperson of The Democratic National Committee, Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, immediately pointed out that the presidential candidate said that he likes being allowed to 'fire' unproductive, inept employees. So, it's no surprise that Donald Trump would endorse Romney.
You see, unproductive, inept employees should NEVER get fired when you live in Debbie Wasserman Schultz's world, because the only world she knows is the federal government. The world of beaureaucrats and lobbyists and lobbyists and politicians and public sector unions.
It would be fun if Mr. Trump could call Barack Obama up to the board room, on election night 2012, so he could give The Bamster the bad news.
That would be ratings gold.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Ladies And Gentlemen....We Present The Occupy Wall Street Superbowl Halftime Show Sponsored By The Tides Foundation
This Sunday, the New England Patriots will face the New York Giants in Superbowl XLVI. Our friends in the OWS Movement are threatening to protest at the game, so I was just wondering what it would be like if these criminals and killjoys commandeered the halftime show. I imagine that it would go something like this:
The two teams make there way to the locker rooms, and the stadium goes dark.
Suddenly, an abrasive voice booms over the public address system:
"This is Richard Trumka of the AFL-CIO, presenting da' Occupy Wall Street Superbowl Halftime Show, presented by The Tides Foundation. Now, put yer hands together, or my friends from the Service Employees International Union will BUST YOUR FACE!"
A worker in a purple t-shirt hits the lights, and a huge drum circle marches towards the fifty-yard line:
BOOOMMMBOOODADADADADADADADADABOOMBOOMBOOM!!!!
Then, hundreds of dirty protesters take to the field, and begin yelling anti-capitalist and anti-Semitic slogans. A dozen or so protesters chase terrified, screaming cheerleaders along the sidelines.
Then, the protesters burn a 14-foot paper mache figure of a Wall Street banker in effigy, singing the Soviet Union National Anthem.
After that, we hear Trumka's voice again:
"Wasn't that some great singin' or WHAT? That brought a tear to my eye! We have time for one more song. Here is the sponsor of this Superbowl Halftime Show. Mr. George Soros!"
A stretch limo stops on the fifty-yard line, and Soros gets out. In his creepy, Hungarian accent, he lip-syncs his tribute to Zuccotti Park ("Zuccotti Park is melting in the dark",), 'ala "MacArthur Park".
Finally, Trumka wraps it up:
"Wow, that was a great halftime show, wasn't it? I have an announcement. The teams will have to wait about an hour to take the field for the second half. It appears that several of the protesters defecated on the field, so that will have to be cleaned up.
Also, an outbreak of tuberculosis appears to have broken out in section 1A. Thanks, and enjoy the second half!
The two teams make there way to the locker rooms, and the stadium goes dark.
Suddenly, an abrasive voice booms over the public address system:
"This is Richard Trumka of the AFL-CIO, presenting da' Occupy Wall Street Superbowl Halftime Show, presented by The Tides Foundation. Now, put yer hands together, or my friends from the Service Employees International Union will BUST YOUR FACE!"
A worker in a purple t-shirt hits the lights, and a huge drum circle marches towards the fifty-yard line:
BOOOMMMBOOODADADADADADADADADABOOMBOOMBOOM!!!!
Then, hundreds of dirty protesters take to the field, and begin yelling anti-capitalist and anti-Semitic slogans. A dozen or so protesters chase terrified, screaming cheerleaders along the sidelines.
Then, the protesters burn a 14-foot paper mache figure of a Wall Street banker in effigy, singing the Soviet Union National Anthem.
After that, we hear Trumka's voice again:
"Wasn't that some great singin' or WHAT? That brought a tear to my eye! We have time for one more song. Here is the sponsor of this Superbowl Halftime Show. Mr. George Soros!"
A stretch limo stops on the fifty-yard line, and Soros gets out. In his creepy, Hungarian accent, he lip-syncs his tribute to Zuccotti Park ("Zuccotti Park is melting in the dark",), 'ala "MacArthur Park".
Finally, Trumka wraps it up:
"Wow, that was a great halftime show, wasn't it? I have an announcement. The teams will have to wait about an hour to take the field for the second half. It appears that several of the protesters defecated on the field, so that will have to be cleaned up.
Also, an outbreak of tuberculosis appears to have broken out in section 1A. Thanks, and enjoy the second half!
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Damn Global Warming!
Yesterday in Minneapolis it was 40 degrees and beautiful. I escaped the heatwave, ducking into the neighborhood grocery store. As my 15 or less made it's way on the conveyor belt, I complained bitterly to the nice cashier.
"Damn this global warming! How much of this torture will we have to endure?
She laughed at me, handing me my change.
Al Gore warned us of this. I remember Ted Danson telling us in the 80's that the human race had only 10 more years before we kiss this planet goodbye. Now, it's (let me check the temp....) a hellish 38 degrees on February 1st.
I am so glad that President Zerogrowth cancelled that Keystone XL Pipeline project, and kudos to Congress for 'Cap and Trade'....and for making incandescent lighbulbs illegal. When Solyndra finishes installing it's solar panels across America, I will thank Obama by voting for him in November. Not.
"Damn this global warming! How much of this torture will we have to endure?
She laughed at me, handing me my change.
Al Gore warned us of this. I remember Ted Danson telling us in the 80's that the human race had only 10 more years before we kiss this planet goodbye. Now, it's (let me check the temp....) a hellish 38 degrees on February 1st.
I am so glad that President Zerogrowth cancelled that Keystone XL Pipeline project, and kudos to Congress for 'Cap and Trade'....and for making incandescent lighbulbs illegal. When Solyndra finishes installing it's solar panels across America, I will thank Obama by voting for him in November. Not.
This Is MSNBC's Jonathan Martin Reporting From Florida
Last night, former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney enjoyed a tremendous victory in yesterday's Florida primary, winning with 47% of the vote. It appears that the candidate won with nearly all voter demographic groups across the state.
He won by seven points in the 'cracker counties' in the North Florida panhandle. We spoke to one of Romney's supporters. (Let's call him 'Beauregarde'):
"Yup. That 'ole boy Mitt Romney is mah boy. Where is my 'ole hound dog Belvedere? Wha' are you at, boy?"
Candidate Romney also won by an amazing eleven points among the many conservative rednecks and honkys in Florida. We spoke to Cletus Rikkits, another one of his supporters:
"Raight on muh truck wit' muh gun rack, I got muh Romney fer President bumper sticker, HAWT DANG! HEEEE-HAWWWW!!!!
Lee Roy Murdoch, President of Honkys For Romney, spoke to our reporter in 'racial code', by saying that President Barack Obama has turned America into a 'food stamp nation', and must be voted out of office.
Romney won with all conservative demographic groups, including 'anti-Obama' voters, 'anti-gay rights' voters, 'sexists', 'strict constitutionalists', as well as 'state rights fanatics'.
This is Jonathan Martin of Politico and MSNBC, reporting from Jacksonville, Florida.
He won by seven points in the 'cracker counties' in the North Florida panhandle. We spoke to one of Romney's supporters. (Let's call him 'Beauregarde'):
"Yup. That 'ole boy Mitt Romney is mah boy. Where is my 'ole hound dog Belvedere? Wha' are you at, boy?"
Candidate Romney also won by an amazing eleven points among the many conservative rednecks and honkys in Florida. We spoke to Cletus Rikkits, another one of his supporters:
"Raight on muh truck wit' muh gun rack, I got muh Romney fer President bumper sticker, HAWT DANG! HEEEE-HAWWWW!!!!
Lee Roy Murdoch, President of Honkys For Romney, spoke to our reporter in 'racial code', by saying that President Barack Obama has turned America into a 'food stamp nation', and must be voted out of office.
Romney won with all conservative demographic groups, including 'anti-Obama' voters, 'anti-gay rights' voters, 'sexists', 'strict constitutionalists', as well as 'state rights fanatics'.
This is Jonathan Martin of Politico and MSNBC, reporting from Jacksonville, Florida.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)