Dale Gribble: I Know Who Killed Jeffrey Epstein

Two weeks ago, multi-millionaire financier and accused pedophile Jeffrey Epstein was found dead in his prison cell. Almost immediately, leftists and right-wing conspiracy theorists opined about who or what killed him.The most popular of these theories is that Hillary Clinton suicided him.

We've discovered that the guards who were supposed to check on him every 30 minutes were severely overworked and were called away from his cell. Was Jeffrey Epstein killed or did he choke himself to death?

One of these theorists emailed The RedSquirrel Report with startling revelations about Epstien's death:

I am Dale from Arlen, Texas. I am the one who blew the lid off of truth of real alien and reptilian colonization of Planet Earth. It's the Bush family.

I am the one who revealed to the American People that smoking is really healthy. I have in my basement office the  official reports given to me from the cigarette companies themselves.

Now, on to the conspiracy regarding Jeffrey Epstein's 'suicide.' We know that former president Bill Clinton and Epstein were close buddies, and the two would fly to Epstein's island aboard the 'Lolita Express.' 

They would join other rich, well-known politicians and super-rich DC and NY movers and shakers in copious sex with under-aged girls.This proves the killer couldn't be Pope Francis. Catholics prefer molesting young boys.

Since Epstein's arrest and incarceration, Billary and the gang are terrified that he may spill the beans on the the entire gang of communist perverts. Believing that Billary killed Epstein is understandable.

Epstein killed himself because he didn't want to deal with a trial and he couldn't stand the shame anymore. You're welcome. 

Dale from Arlen