Point/Counterpoint: Is The New G.O.P. House Majority Embarrassing The Country?

In this week's Point/ Counterpoint, our resident leftist, Longfellow Loon and our station manager, Dan Ackroyd ,will debate the following question: 'Was The First Week Of Republican Control Of The House Of Representatives A Giant Embarrassment For The Country?' 

Longfellow Loon will argue in the affirmative and Mr. Ackroyd will argue in the negative. Mr. Loon, you may begin your argument:

Longfellow Loon: The 118th Congress will forever be known for the gigantic embarrassment to this fine country, and the Republican House majority has brought our poor country to it's knees.. Your own G.O.P. Rep Dan Crenshaw calls the 20 HOLDOUTS 'terrorists'

LOOOOLOOOOLOOLOOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOOLOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! 

Even that right-wing NAZI gasbag Sean Hannity has had it with the likes of right-wingers Matt Gaetz and Lauren Boebert! You Trumpians can't be trusted to run anything! Seeing your majority in such rediculous disarray just proves that Nancy Pelosi was the greatest House Speaker in history!

LOOOOLOOOOLOOOOLOOOOOLOOOOLOOOLOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

As MacCarthy and The Troublesome 20 have their pissing match, the American People want congressional action on Abortion Rights and Climate Change!

LOOOLOOOLOOOOLOOOOLOOOOLOOOOLOOOLOOOOLOOOO!!!!!!

Mr. Ackroyd, the floor is yours........

Dan: Loony, you ignorant slut!

Of course you're gonna say you're 'embarrassed' by this Republican infighting. You would rather have a corrupt, insider-trader Speaker and a caucus of money-laundering, rapacious  corruptocrats all in quick agreement over who shall steal the most from the American treasury!

We (Well, some of us) Republicans fight over IDEAS, and our Freedom Caucus are just as angry over the easy corruption and 'bipartisanship' that has both parties screwing over honest, hard-working Normal Americans!!!!

Of course, small 'd' democracy is going to be messy! While your side fights over who is going to get the biggest porkbarrel earmarks, our side fights for freedom AND GIVING THIS GOVERNMENT BACK TO THE PEOPLE!!!

Kevin MaCarthy eventually got his speakership, and our Freedom Caucus got good concessions, and America will be better because of this fight. Stick a sock in your beak!

The RedSquirrel Report thanks Longfellow Loon and Mr. Ackroyd for a spirited back-and-forth. Good evening, America!

Rick And Morty Save The 2020 Presidential Election

Sometimes your bushy-tailed correspondent catches an occasional episode of Rick And Morty on Adult Swim/ Cartoon Network. The late-night show is Back To The Future with a slightly demented twist. Super genius Rick is like Doc with an attitude, and Morty is a little like Marty McFly. 

Super genius Rick builds a supercomputer time-space machine that changes the timeline of almost countless alternative realities. I think that Rick And Morty should have an entire season dedicated to correcting the results of  the 2020 Presidential Election.

Everything is going wrong in Biden's America. Rick tweaks his supercomputer time-space machine, hoping that he can stop Team Joe Biden from stealing The 2020 Preidential Election. To do this, they must stop The Covid Plandemic.  The duo sets the computer to January 2, 2020, and step inside. Rick and Morty find themselves at The White House, where they have a meeting with President Trump, and persuade him to not waste his time on Operation Warped Speed. 

Instead, Rick and Morty tell the president that Dr. Anthony Fauzi is an untrustworthy,  lying, genocidal quack who should be prosecuted for his gain of function activities. Instead of relying on big-pharma 'vaccines' and masks, The American People should eat Hydroxichloraquine. Rick whips up a giant vat of Easter candy. America loves the new confection, and Covid quickly dissappears.

The boys time-travel to May 24, 2020, where Officer Derek Chauvin is shopping for groceries. He is about to put a pork chop in his cart. Rick and Morty are following him, and they set their computer back twenty seconds before Chauvin puts the pork chop in the cart. Rick has a replacement pork chop laced with 'worms' and places it on the shelf. Chauvin puts the laced chop in his cart..............

That night, Chauvin eats his pork chop. The next day, he has the worms, and he's dragging his ass across the floor. He calls in sick. Later that day, Rick and Morty tip off the police and save George Floyd's life by telling them that Floyd is in possession of a fatal amount of fentanyl. The career criminal is about to pass fake bills at the corner store. Floyd is arrested, but survuves.

As a result, there are no riots in America. Cancel Culture remains a fever dream for weird, maladjusted leftists. Violent crimes and carjackings are rare, and when it happens, the perp is convicted and punished.

Rick and Morty meet with Republican state leaders and tell them they must stop early voting and voting by mail. On Election night, the boys fix the water pipes in Georgia, and send ninjas to subdue and gag Barack Obama in his office so Obama cannot order the early morning interruption of the vote-count in key states Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, Michigan, Georgia, and Arizona.

Rick hacks and overrides The Dominion vote machines. He re-programs them to count every legal vote cast once.

On the morning after the fair and free Election Day, The American People see that Donald Trump has won in a massive landslide. The cheaters has been caught, and America builds new prisons for the cheaters. The Republicans have a huge majority in The House and a super-majority in The Senate.

Rick And Morty make copies of Hunter's laptop, and The Biden crime family are seated at a defendent's table, convicted of an incredible array of corruption and morals charges, The presiding judge uses a calculator to determine their sentences.

With Trump's Second term beginning, things are as they should be. Gas is under $2.00, inflation is down, and the American People are happily heading off to work. President Trump gives Rick and Morty the Presidential Medal of Freedom.

The season ends when Democrats discover Rick's supercomputer time-space machine.............................

Red Forman: With Republicans Like These, Who Needs Democrats?

Here with a commentary is our Everydad, Red Forman:

Thanks Red Squirrel. I like your name.

I am an average American Dad who likes a Congress that works FOR The American People. I like it when they cut my taxes, but understand it if they sometimes raise my taxes if it improves the lives for other Americans.

Right now, I don't even recognize my country anymore. We have a corrupt, senile jack-ass in The White House who is literally punishing hard-working, honest, everyday American People. He has led a foreign invasion on our Southern border, and has imprisoned hundreds of patriotic Americans in his gulag just for protesting the stolen election.

These Democrat dick-weeds aren't even 'America-Last' . They are literally abusing The American People.

It would be a help if there was a party that opposed this crap, but 18 dumb-ass Republican Senators are more than happy to help the crooked Democrats pick the country's pocket clean. The Senate has voted for the monstrosity $1,7 billion Omnibus Bill. They are sending billions to The Ukraine and spending millions to defend the borders on the other side of the world, but none for our OWN southern border.

With Republicans like these, who needs Democrats?

Turtleface Mitch McConnell helped push the godawful Omnibus. He refused to help really good Republican candidates win in the midterms. I think he deserves a swift kick in the ass. 

18 Republican Senators voted for this thoroughly DISQUSTING piece of legislation. They are spending millions naming a walk path for Michelle Obama. They spend billions more for that Ukranian Kelso Yalenskyy, but not a damned red cent to protect this country from the human traffickers, drug dealers, and assholes hurting THIS COUNTRY.

There are millions for Black Museums, Queer giveaways, and earmarks for every crook in Washington.

18 jerk-off Republicans in The Senate voted for this. I say we stick our collective foot up their ass and change the G.O.P. leadership. Thanks.

Red Forman, All-American Dad

This Is RedSquirrel's New Year's Resolution For 2023

It's 2023, and your bushy-tailed correspondent resolves to ridicule, lambaste, annoy, and rip The Left's stupid, evil agenda whenever and however I can.

Let us strive in destroying The Biden Regime, until we hear the lamentation of the so-called mainstream news media, crybaby Adam Katzinger Rhinos, corrupt Adam Schiff-heads, and Liz Chaney traitors.

Let us remember that The Tree of Liberty must be re-nourished with the tears of unhinged, psychotic communist weirdos and corrupt, authoritarian, control freak progressives.

Let us smash the woke agenda, and laugh at their silly speech codes, preferred pronouns, and stupid attempts to cancel the things Normal-Americans love.

Let our great leader Trump lead this great country through the valley once again, and learn to fight fire with fire in 2024. Hopefully, we can learn to bend election rules as the dirty Democrats do, until those demonic, cheating, corrupt Democrats learn to hate the vote harvest.

Let us stomp on the guts of drag queen story hour, and replace it with KIrk Cameron story hour.

Let us be free to show our entire faces again, and throw the Biden face shackles off. and defeat the murderous Covid 'vaccination' overreach.

Let us march on with stiffened spines, and storm the castles of Great Reset communist World Economic Fund criminal warlord Klaus Schwab and that evil bat-shit Democrat sugar daddy Emperor Soros.

During 2023, I resolve to eat BEEF. Not bugs. I resolve to burn fossil fuels like a free man. Let us stomp loudly, and make our carbon footprint be visible from outer space!

I resolve to NEVER trust the government for a second. Beware the government, for they rob from the taxpayer and do the evil bidding of special interest globalist corruptocrats with OUR money.

Let us laugh at the fools who blame everything on Climate Change!

Let us reject The Great Reset. Let us endeavor to not comply with leftist lunatics and inbred satanist busybodies.

Finally, let's increase our House majority in 2024, take back The Senate, and put an end to the Biden-Obama Regime. Let's Make America Great Again. Again.

My friends, this is my New Year's Resolutiion. God Bless.

Our Correspondent Lucy Van Pelt Sums Up 2022

 

RedSquirrel Predictions For 2023

Your bushy-tailed correspondent looks into his crystal ball, and sees the following events unfolding in 2023:

Along with 87,000 new I.R.S. agents, The Biden Regime will spend another trillion dollars hiiring non-American illegal aliens, AntiFa terrorists, and BLM thugs to harrass and jail Americans suspected of voting for Donald Trump in 2020.

Senate Democrats will introduce The Nobody Likes A Tattletale Act, imprisoning thousands of government whistleblowers.

Following up on the 2022 atrocious Inflation-Reduction Act, The Respect For Marriage Act, and the Omnibus Budget, The Democrat Senate introduces a $4-trillion project bill to build a huge, plastic hand to slap God in the face.

The CDC will blame the heart attack deaths of thousands of vaccinated 8-year-olds on Climate change.

The Unemployment rate reaches an astronomical 40%. Americans are dying in the streets. The country has become a food desert. Owning a home or renting an apartment becomes prohibitively expensive.......and Joe Biden will say our economy is 'stronger than Hell.'

Historian Micheal Beschloss will write a new book claiming that Donald Trump is the re-incarnation of Hitler. Americans on facebook are suspended and censored for disagreeing with Beschloss's insane, unhinged claims.

While Democrats continue to engage in illegal insider trading and money-laundering, Biden AG Merrick Garland indicts former President Donald Trump on some made-up charge.

Elon Musk announces a new C.E.O. of Twitter. Alex Jones.

Joe Biden's Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre announces the sale of Arlington National Cemetery to the Chinese Communist Government. The Chi-Coms desecrate all of the graves, and strike oil. Resident Biden then begs The Chinese to sell us the oil..

The University of Stanford will ban the use of the English language after determining that it is a product of systemic rascism, sexism, and unacceptable to wokeness. The students and faculty will speak the African Handawe and Hadza language of clicking their mouthes from now on.

Normal Americans complain about Resident Biden's re-imagined mandatory mask mandate, so he introduces his new 'ball-gag' mandate. A Biden judge determines that this does not violate The First Amendment.

Bug-eyed Leftist Adam Schiff resigns his congressional seat, and finds a new job..................in a prison laundry room.

and finally..............

The Minnesota Vikings are 30 seconds away from winning their first Super Bowl, leading The Kansas City Chiefs by 24-21. Suddenly, television viewers recieve a late-breaking bulletin, and the newscasters tell the world that professional football is indeed 'fixed' like professional wrestling. The field refs refuse to let the game end, and they cancel the final 30 seconds. NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell announces the folding of the league. State Farm Stadium in Glendale Arizona is sucked into a black hole, leaving The Vikes winless in The Super Bowl.

What Is Shwanza?: Dr. Frasier Crane Tries To Explain The Drunken Madness Of Nancy Pelosi

Soon-to-be ex-Speaker Nancy Pelosi spoke to her colleagues in The House chamber last week, and used a non-existent word 'SHWANZA'  Here to try to explain is our resident psychiatrist, Dr. Frasier Crane:

Thank you, RedSquirrel. Hello, I am Dr. Frasier Crane, and I am listening.

Yes, soon-to-be former Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) used this word Shwanza. She was wishing her colleagues well, and trying to be 'inclusive' to multiple religions and traditions. Somehow, she mentioned this non-existent holiday 'Shwanza'. PERHAPS this non-existent holiday DOES exist, and that we just didn't know of it's existence. 

Perhaps she just made a Freudian slip, or this supposed holiday IS A REAL HOLIDAY. It sounds like she was trying to combine the words 'Shvantz' and 'Kwanzaa'. Shvantz is a Yiddish word, meaning 'penis,' and Kwanzaa is a fake holiday for African-Americans opposed to Christmas. Kwanzaa was created by a Black Communist.

My, this is starting to sound like a holiday that would be celebrated by a Cultural Marxist! We may be getting somewhere!

Perhaps, Nancy wanted to insult The American People one last time before she has to give up her huge, over-sized Speaker's Gavel. She was probably lashing out, thinking that she desired to desecrate Christmas by wishing everyone a 'happy fake holiday' like Kwanzaa , but was thinking about her 'sexually adventurous' husband Paul, so she accidently said  'Shwanza'.

Chances are, Nancy was slurring her speech because she was drunk, as she is much of the time. It is well-known that she is a full-fledged alcoholic, shit-faced to the core. As bad as her drunkedness is, she is even MORE drunk on power. She must make a fortune from her insider trading, so I am sure she can afford all the booze she could ever want.

I would send her to DETOX.

Extreme leftists like Mrs.Pelosi have this need to change ANYTHING that is considered 'traditional' and attack what is 'normal'. I hope that she and her Democrat colleagues don't ever try to cancel Christmas and replace it with Shwanza. With this out-of-control government, it wouldn't surprise me if they try.

According to some, Nancy Pelosi has an unclean spirit living inside her head. Perhaps someone should hire an exorcist to deal with this, although I would prefer some extensive electroshock therapy for Nancy.

I would like to conduct some Rorschach tests with Nancy. I remember when The Clintons used to hang condoms on their White House Christmas tree. In her congressional district (San Francisco), residents are 'free' to publicly shoot drugs into their veins  and defecate on the sidewalks. 

I find it interesting after they emptied the mental asylums and turned San Franciscointo a sanctuary city, she was elected to Congress.

Well, that's it for this session. Have yourselves a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. I wish good mental health to you and yours!

I am Dr. Frasier Crane, and I am listening!