Eric Cartman's 2024 State Of The Union Pre-Buttal

Tomorrow, Resident Biden is scheduled to deliver The State of the Union Address. We at RSR has asked our Junior Correspondent, eight-year-old Eric Cartman to deliver our pre-buttal:

Good evening, My Fellow Americans.. Hopefully, The senile President will deliver The State of the Union Address without keeling over, and heaven help us if Pope Francis shows up during the address tomorrow night.  I'm only an 8-year-old kid from South Park, Colorado, but I am sure the liar-in-chief will try to tell the people that our State of the Union is strong......

I'm telling you that with this corrupt douche and his freak show regime ruining the country I love, the state of the country is like.....TOTALLY WEAK!

Biden has opened the border wide open for every drug dealer, criminal, child trafficker, and VIOLENT, third-world asshole! To make things worse, he's blaming the previous President Donald Trump for the border crisis that Creepy Joe created!

Nobody respects America anymore. NOBODY RESPECTS OUR AUTHORITAH! The world is laughing at us.

These douchebags give our tax dollars to illegal aliens, and lets them stay in luxury hotels while our homeless vets get NOTHING! THE GOVERNMENT CAN SUCK MY BALLS!!!!

I understand that Lyin' Biden will mention The Great Reset tomorrow night. I wonder if that means he will hand America over to The Anti-Christ or something. GOD HELP US!!!

The corrupt Democrats are trying to throw their politcal opponents in prison. Even an 8-year-old kid from South Park sees through this. Fat Fani, fat-head Alvin Bragg, and corrupt Letitia are working with Team Biden to throw Donald Trump in prison, along with patriotic, everyday Americans protesting the stolen 2020 election. 

They think if they pack the courts, take Trump off the ballot, cheat their asses off, throw their opponents in jail, and Take away our freedom of choice THEN THAT WILL SOMEHOW SAVE DEMOCRACY! 

GO TO HELL, YOU EVIL, CORRUPT BULLIES!!!!!

Behind all of this is Barack Obama. He promised to 'transform the country'. Translation: He will turn America into a corrupt, crime-ridden, impoverished shithole! Before that creep came on the scene, America was getting along just fine. 

Heaven help all the normal, everyday Americans still living in the cities. Crime is out of control, with gangs of looters and violent criminals running wild. Alvin Bragg iand Letitia Jamess are too busy persecuting Trump to do anything about the violent criminals wrecking the cities.

Inflation is still through the roof. I notice that my friend Kenny (he's on welfare) is even skinnier than normal, and that my Mom can't afford groceries. We call it 'Our Biden Diet.'

Finally, I want to say something about The National Debt. If you send $100,000,000,000 to defend Ukraine's border but $0.00 to defend America's border, you should be voted out of office.

How can you put the next generation in debt and send billions to countries that hate us? Washington D.C. is corrupt as Hell, laundering money and getting filthy rich off from non-stop wars. 

SUCK OUR BALLS, YOU FILTHY, ROTTEN CROOKS!!!!

Hang in there, Anerica. November is coming. Goodnight.