Minneapolis Marathon Cancelled Due To Extreme Heat

Two days ago, the organizers of The Minneapolis Marathon cancelled the event due to excessive heat. 

It was cancelled two hours before it was to start, with temperatures hovering in the upper-70's and mid-80's. Here to explain the cancellation is Twin Cities In Motion Spokesman, Dorothy McDouche-Slattery:

We regret to announce the cancellation of The Minneapolis Marathon. With hellish temperatures reaching the mid-80's, we decided that we could NOT risk the health and well-being of our runners. The fossil fuel industry cancelled our event todayt, and your gas-guzzelling automobiles have contributed to the global warming that endangers this planet.

There are documented accounts of runners spontaneously combusting in extreme heat, and the State of Minnesota has issued a 'Black Flag' warning. All NON-ESSENTIAL PHYSICAL ACTIVITY SHOULD BE HALTED IMMEDIATELY.

We suggest everyone still wear a Covid mask if you go outdoors today, even if you're alone in your gas-guzzelling automobile.

We regret the horrible reality that many Americans STILL use gas ovens for their cooking. If Americans gave up their dirty energy, perhaps we can re-schedule the marathon at some future date.

Speaking of which, we are toying with the idea of re-scheduling the marathon during a cooler month, maybe February.

Thank you.