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Last year, we asked all-American kid Eric Cartman to give the pre-buttal to Resident Biden's State Of The Union Address. He did a terrific job, so we asked him to deliver the pre-buttal again this year. We are pleased to present Mr. Eric Cartman:
I am honored, Sir.
My name is Eric Cartman, and I reside in South Park, Colorado. I attend 3rd Grade at South Park Elementary School, and I watch the news and check out a little talk radio when I'm at home.
I think I have a pretty good grasp on what's going on in the country, and I have a question for all the adults who voted in the last presidential election for Joe Biden......
WHAT IN THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING????!!!!!!HUH????!!!!!
So, you voted out the guy who had the country on the right track because he said some nasty stuff on Twitter? EVERYBODY SAYS NASTY STUFF ON TWITTER, YOU BIG BABIES!!!! Now, we got this senile, corrupt asshole who lies every time he opens his mouth and doesn't even know where he is half the time. Watch, tomorrow night he is gonna say that the state of the union is strong, but it isn't. It's TOTALLY WEAK!!!!
He's going to say that the economy is 'strong as Hell', and he's gonna take credit for all the jobs that are being created ALL BY HIMSELF! He WON'T tell you that the douche Democrats destroyed millions of jobs when blue states shut down their ecenomies three yeaars ago! Don't let this senile douche fool you!
Then, he'll yap some commie-leftist bullshit about conservatives being a 'danger to our democracy!'
He won't mention these Democrat mayors letting violent, dangerous criminals hurt your FAMILIES and jack your cars, and these shitty drug dealers selling Fentanyl to your kids. FUCK HIM!!!! He'll just bitch about those 'mean, racist Republicans' not letting illegal aliens run around, doin' whateva they want!
These creeps are trying to defund the police. The thugs need to learn to RESPECT AUTHORITAH!!!
This pandering asshole blames Republicans for inflation, when he's the most fiscally irresponsible jack-ass EVAH!!!! That Omnibus Bill is an insult to every American who balances their budget!!! Inflation is so crazy because these assholes can't control their SPENDING!!!!! EVEN MY RETARDED FRIEND TIMMY KNOWS THIS!!!!!
My Mom and I went to the grocery store, and we couldn't believe the price of Cheezy Poofs!!! Almost $5.00 for a medium-sized bag???!!! CALL THE POICE!!!WE'RE BEING ROBBED!!!!
Hundreds of patriotic Americans remain in Biden's prisons. Their crime was protesting the election that Biden stole. The F.B.I. Biden Gestapo and Attorney General Merrick Garland are busting in the doors of Trump's supporters. SCREW YOU!!!!! These pedophile whack-jobs harass good parents concerned about drag queen perverts telling kids to take puberty blockers.
SUCK MY BALLS!!!!
The ChiComs are teaching their kids advanced math, while our Democrat-run government schools teach 'preferred pronoun nonsense! THIS IS BULLSHIT!!! The Chinese commies are on the move, while our mascara-wearing, politically-correct generals have America on her knees like a cheap whore!!!!
With all the taxes I'm paying, the military should not have waited a week before shooting down that Chinese spy balloon! BIDEN IS TOTALLY WEAK!!!
With this seniile, influence-peddling clown and his crime family in charge, the entire world is laughing at us! We're not defending our borders, but we're sending trillions defending that corrupt asshole Yelenskyy in Ukraine. It's a big, rotten money-laundering operation.
Our homeless vets are sleeping on park benches, while illegal aliens get to stay in swanky, 5-star hotels. THIS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT!!!!
Remember, when the asshole says 'Republicans are a threat to democracy', he really means 'They are a threat to The Democrat Party!
In November, The G.O.P. won a small majority in The House of Representatives, so I hope that they can stop the bleedng for the next two years.. I hope that the country makes it to 2024, and then we can Make America Great Again!
Thank you. God Bless America.
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