Don Lemon: Just Google It!

Recently, CNN Host Don Lemon said that 51-year-old presidential candidate Nikki Haley should think twice before telling her potential voters that she's in her prime. The gay CNN host took to Google to research when a woman is 'in her primse', and discovered that women really are in their prime while in their 20's, 30's, and 40's.

We here at RSR believe in allowing those who make controversial, strange  comments defend themselves. Here he is after his one-day suspension:

Thank you, RedSquirrel Report :

I'll bet all my detractors think that I am sorry for my critisicm of Nikki Haley, but I WAS RIGHT! JUST GOOGLE IT! WOMEN ARE IN THEIR PRIME IN THEIR 20'S, 0'S, AND MAYBE THEIR 40'S!

In fact, If you wanna know why I'm am THE BESTEST AND SMARTEST REPORTER COMMENTATOR IN THE WORLD, YOU SHOULD GOOGLE 'Why Is Don Lemon The Bestest And Smartest Reporter Commentator In The WORLD'. Go ahead, JUST GOOGLE IT!

Tomorrow, I am breaking a story that Bugs Bunny is a lie because rabbits can't really SPEAK. JUST GOOGLE IT!!! Also, I recently learned that Jeremiah WAS NOT REALLY A BULLFROG!!! Three Dog Night should be made to explain their false claim that Jeremiah was a bullfrog, because he wasn't!

JUST  GOOGLE IT!!!

I've also discovered a historical inaccuracy in that movie 'Bill And Ted's Excellent Adventure. I LEARNED THAT former President Abraham Lincoln DID NOT REALLY HELP THE BOYS WITH THEIR ORAL HISTORY EXAM!!!

Nikki Haley is yet ANOTHER dishonest Republican. She probably helped plan the insurrection of January 6th, which was the mostest, terriblest attack on American democracy in our entire history!

Any 51 year-old woman claiming to be in her prime should be SHUNNED! I am glad that Joe Biden is our President, and not that.........liar! JUST GOOGLE IT!!!!!Falsehoods have no place in American politics!

just google it!!!!

SONG PARODY ALERT! Transportation Secretary Buttegieg Sings The De-railed Train Themesong (Re-make of Sheena Easton's Hit 'MorningTrain')

Three weeks ago a train derailed in East Palestine, Ohio., spilling toxic materials into the local water supply and soil. So far, Biden's gay Secretary of  Transportation Pete Buttegieg hasn't visited the site.

With a mushroom cloud hovering over the town, Ohio Governor Mike Dewine has asked The Resident of The White House for Disaster Relief, and Biden has refused. 70% of East Palestine voters voted for President Trump. Instead of delivering aid to the Ohio town, Biden made a President's Day visit to The Ukraine.

Here to tell the administration's side of this story (to the tune of 1981 #1 hit 'Morning Train' by Scottish singer Sheena Easton), is gay Secretary of Transportation Pate Buttegieg:  

In East Palestine Ohio, lots of fish and pets are dead

A toxic train is derailed, no help from the feds

chemical mushroom cloud, burning in the sky

Biden doesn't even care, if everybody dies

I'm The Secretary of Transportation, just because I am gay

The people want some answers, but I don't know what to say

I'm Pete Buttegeig, Slow-Joe Biden's pick

70% voted for Trump, and we don't care if they get sick

So, who cares about the derailed train?

Don't ask me, Karine or Ron Klain

I will just laugh, and say 'What Me Worry?'

We don't care about the derailed train

and all that crap in your shower drain

I just hope the news stations will bury this story

It's like a horror movie, The mayor says 'We're screwed'

The townsfolk are complaining. I think they're being rude

Governor Dewine asks FEMA 'Can we gets some federal aid'?

The Biden Regime is saving the world from 'Climate Change'.........

Don't ask us about the derailed train

Don't ask me, or Karine or Ron Klane

I'll just laugh and say 'What, Me Worry?'

Go and drink the water, and fish in the creeks

You can all drop dead, you flyover hicks

We don't care about the derailed train,. You can fly a kite

We hate you if you're Republican and White

We don't care about the derailed train

Biden will go and visit The Ukraine

We'll just laugh and say 'What, me worry?'

Joe doesn't care about the derailed train (about that derailed train)

(Biden  is visiting the Ukraine) Slow-Joe wiorks so hard!

(Biden really cares) They're still waiting for him

(We don't care about the derailed train)

(He's sending billions more to The Ukraine)

(Drop dead,, Ohio!  They're still waiting for disaster aid...........)

How To Speak LIke Joe Biden

He's the leader of the free world. If you're the President, there are some things you should learn to speak 'like the president.' This short, instructional guide shows you how to speak like The President of the United States. Much of the time, he speaks in gibberish, word salads, and empty platitudes, but sometimes you can understand what he says:

First, make up a weird, whacky, probably untrue story. For example, Joe Biden likes to tell his story of 'Cornpop.'

Next, tell another untrue story that puts you at the center of a hostorical event. You can tell your audience about the time you were arrested for protesting Apatheid and shared a jail cell with Nelson Mandela, or something.. The story you tell should be relevent to the group you're speaking to. If you're speaking in Poland, refer to yourself as 'Bidensky.' If you're in Germany, call yourself 'Bidenschmitt.'

If it's MLK Day, tell the all-Black audience that you were there when Reverend King was shot and killed, and that you were a pallbearer of his funeral. If you're speaking before a meeting of La Raza, talk about the time you were a farm worker fighting for Worker Rights with Ceasar Chavez.

It's a terrific way to get cheap applause, and it's also incredibly devisive! Remember, lying is O.K. What matters here is that you're fooling your audience into thinking that you're down with their struggle.

Next, pick a few 'straw men' to demonize. Tell your audience that (your straw man) is a danger to democracy. Tell your audience that your straw man wants to take away their Social Security and Medicare. Bring up 'lynching', and tell your audience that, unlike your enenies, you OPPOSE LYNCHING!

Also, pound and wave your fist like Adolph Hitler! Yeah, just like THAT!

If you have a son who served in the armed forces, tell your audience that he died in action (even if he didn't). Also, if your first wife died in a car accident, just tell your audience that the other driver was drunk (even if he or she wasn't).

Take credit for everything the previous administraion did that was good for the country, and blame the previous administration for everything that has gone wrong under your watch. Take all the credit for caring about an issue, even if you are the last one to make it to the party.

Example: Yeah, I'm here because I care about your kids dying from Fentanyl. Where have YOU GUYS BEEN?????

Remember, if anyone tries to ask you a question or explain yourself, just turn your back and walk the other direction until you're out of danger. Have your wife hold your hand because a stage can be a scary place.

Just learn how to lie your ass off, and YOU TOO can learn how to speak like Joe Biden!

If Katie Hobbs Was The Referee In The Super Bowl

On Sunday, The Kansas City Chiefs won Super Bowl LVII, defeating The Philadelpia Eagles 38-35. It was a terrific, back and forth match-up. Many pundits and fans questioned a late holding call on Eagle Cornerback James Bradberry, which moved The Chiefs closer to their winning Field Goal,

The Super Bowl was played at State Farm Stadium Field in Glendale, Arizona, home of The Arizona Cardinals. The late holding call was called in Maricopa County, the home of ANOTHER RECENT controversey.

The Arizona Governor's race between Democrat Katie Hobbs and Republican Kari Lake STILL is in question, three months after Election Day 2023. Hobbs has been declared the winner, even after charges of corruption and a broken election system are being made by The Kari Lake campaign. 

This case is making it's way through the courts.

Everybody knows (and has an opinion) about the holding call in The Super Bowl, yet most Americans aren't really paying attention to what's going on in Arizona. I would like to explain to The American People the travesty of The Arizona Governor's race by explaining what it would be like if Arizona Secretary of State/ candidate for governor Katie Hobbs was the referee in The Super Bowl.

First of all, she would be the owner / head coach of one of the teams as well as the referee. Of course, that would be unfair right there. She was The Arizona Secretary of State AND a candidate for Governor.

Then, she would probably change the schedule date of The Super Bowl, never telling the opposing team or the fans that the Super Bowl would occur over TWO days. Her team would run up the score on DAY 1 in secrecy , then her team (or referee crew) would plant land mines all over the football field before DAY 2 would commence. 

The other team would take to the field, on DAY TWO and several players would step on the land mines, while team Katie Hobbs would refuse to come out of the locker room. During the campaign, Democrat candidate Katie Hobbs refused to debate Republican candidate Kari Lake,

If Team Kari Lake can avoid the landmines and make a first down, Katie Hobbs would throw a yellow flag on the field, and bring out assistant coach Marc Elias (Hobb's Campaign lawyer) to bully and threaten the other referees.

If any of the officials dared to call a penalty on Team Hobbs, Katie would reserve the right to have the official arrested by stadium security.

Team Kari Lake would be forced to stand on the sideline for 3-4 hours, waiting for referee (Arizona Secretary of State/ candidate for Governor) Hobbs to remove the land mines from the field.

Day two of The Super Bowl would begin at 5:00 P.M., and the stadium lights would ne turned off at 8:00 P/M. The game clock would run down, making it impossible for Team Kari to stage a comeback. 

The time-clock would run down EVEN IF Kari calls a time-out.

Katie Hobbs would also hire Dominion Vote Technologies to rig the scoreboard. Incredible confusion will follow. (On Election Day, 'somebody' had printed thousand of ballots that were the wrong size for the vote machines in strong Republican voter precincts, jamming them.)

Super Bowl 'Champion' Katie Hobbs awards herself The Vincent Lombardi Super Bowl Trophy, and cackles when Terry Bradshaw tries to interview her. (When Katie Hobbs took the oath as new Arixona Governor, she cackled when asked if she vowed to uphold The Constitution.)

Democrat Governor-Elect Katie Hobbs threatens to have the losing team arrested. The End.

Conclusion: If you're the least bit angry about a questionable holding call with under 2 minutes left in the Super Bowl, you would be up in arms if you were a Kari Lake supporter. Also, Democrats are rotten, corrupt liars and cheaters, and ruin eveything they touch. 

The only thing that matters to them is their lust for power, so they'll rig elections. If they ran football, they would ruin football too.

A Happy Valentine's Day To You

The RedSquirrel Report wishes everyone a terrific Valentine's Day. Here's a collection of Valentine's Day greetings sent by celebs and international movers and shakers:

Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-MN): Dear brother, Be my valentine. I would marry you all over again, especially if it would keep you from being deported from this racist country. <3

Biden transgender appointee Sam Brinton: Greetings from The Biden White House!

Dear transgender valentines, YOU are my preferred pronoun!!!!!!!<3

President Joe Biden: (whispering creepily) Merry Juneteenth.......OOOOH, ICE CREAM!!!!!<3

We wish America a real Valentine's Day Massacre! Your's Truly, The Taliban <3

Vice President Kamala Harris: Have a Happy Valentine's Day. That is, have a happy day with your valentine.......on Valentine's Day. That is to say, the holiday on February the 14th.....Tuesdey the 14th. Valentine's Day.....<3

Rep. Ed Markie (D-MA): Dear Abortion, I love you!<3

MSNBC Host Joy Reid: Happy Valentine's Day, although it's a racist holiday where a little White Cupid goes around shotting people with his bow and arrow. Why won't Congress pass 'Bow and Arrow Control Laws'? Racists!!!!!<3

Former (and future) President Donald J. Trump: Happy Valentine's Day (even to all you liars and losers) <3

Former President Barack Obama: Let me be clear.....My dear wife Big Mike, Be my valentine. Allahu Akbar!!!!<3

Rep. Adam Schiff (D-CA): My Valentine, I only have eyes for you! <3

Former Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA): Your Mother's in here, Karras. Would you like to leave a message? I'll see that she gets it.<3

Rashida, Ilhan, Alexandria and Cori Need A Time-Out

Your bushy-tailed correspondent was just reminescing about the good old days when I attended Mrs. Berg's Kindergarden Class. It was the 1970-1971 school year, when the mighty dinosaurs roamed the playground at Taconite Elementary School in Northern Minnesota's Itasca County.

I remember my little friends and I would be sent to 'The Baby Corner' if we ran in the halls or misbehaved. I was sent to The Baby Corner a few times.

A few days ago, Representative Ilhan Omar MN-D) was removed from one of her committees, and she and her Squad friends went balistic. Rashida Tlaib (D-Mi) cried and shrieked bitterly and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) acted like a crack addict, yelling and acting out. 

Cori Bush (D-MO) made racially-charged accusations against new Speaker Kevin McCarthy (R-CA).

I wonder what my Kindergarden teacher would have to say about this. Mrs. Berg would probably have sent them to The Baby Corner for a time-out.

Clark Griswold Watched Biden's State Of The Union Speech Last Night

Hello America, It's Clark W. Griswold, All-American Dad. I watched the jerk in action last night. On behalf of every patriotic, decent American tax-payer he rear-ended last year, I'd like to just tell him what a lying, dishonest, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, pandering, heartless, soulless, senile, brain-dead, arrogant, creepy, child-sniffing, evil, shitty, under-handed, America-punishing, treasonous, traiterous, greedy, incompetent, fraudulent, influence-peddling, crooked, brain-addled (I take a breath).......

lousy, neck-licking, overblown, ignorant, blood-sucking, under-aged girl kissing, job-killing, dumb-assed, worm-headed, border-erasing, warmongering, money-laundering, racist, bloviating, shit-grinning, criminal, slimy, scummy, hitleresque, bullshitting, cheating, tyrannical, thievin' sack of MONKEY SHIT HE IS!!!!

HALLELUJAH!!! HOLY SHIT!!!! Where's the Tylenol?

Eric Cartman Gives The Pre-Buttal To Biden's 2023 S.O.T.U. Address

Last year, we asked all-American kid Eric Cartman to give the pre-buttal to Resident Biden's State Of The Union Address. He did a terrific job, so we asked him to deliver the pre-buttal again this year. We are pleased to present Mr. Eric Cartman:

I am honored, Sir.

My name is Eric Cartman, and I reside in South Park, Colorado. I attend 3rd Grade at South Park Elementary School, and I watch the news and check out a little talk radio when I'm at home.

I think I have a pretty good grasp on what's going on in the country, and I have a question for all the adults who voted in the last presidential election for Joe Biden......

WHAT IN THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING????!!!!!!HUH????!!!!!

So, you voted out the guy who had the country on the right track because he said some nasty stuff on Twitter? EVERYBODY SAYS NASTY STUFF ON TWITTER, YOU BIG BABIES!!!! Now, we got this senile, corrupt asshole who lies every time he opens his mouth and doesn't even know where he is half the time. Watch, tomorrow night he is gonna say that the state of the union is strong, but it isn't. It's TOTALLY WEAK!!!!

He's going to say that the economy is 'strong as Hell', and he's gonna take credit for all the jobs that are being created ALL BY HIMSELF! He WON'T tell you that the douche Democrats destroyed millions of jobs when blue states shut down their ecenomies three yeaars ago! Don't let this senile douche fool you!

Then, he'll yap some commie-leftist bullshit about conservatives being a 'danger to our democracy!'

He won't mention these Democrat mayors letting violent, dangerous criminals hurt your FAMILIES and jack your cars, and these shitty drug dealers selling Fentanyl to your kids. FUCK HIM!!!!  He'll just bitch about those 'mean, racist Republicans' not letting illegal aliens run around, doin' whateva they want!

These creeps are trying to defund the police. The thugs need to learn to RESPECT AUTHORITAH!!!

This pandering asshole blames Republicans for inflation, when he's the most fiscally irresponsible jack-ass EVAH!!!! That Omnibus Bill is an insult to every American who balances their budget!!! Inflation is so crazy because these assholes can't control their SPENDING!!!!! EVEN MY RETARDED FRIEND TIMMY KNOWS THIS!!!!!

My Mom and I went to the grocery store, and we couldn't believe the price of Cheezy Poofs!!! Almost $5.00 for a medium-sized bag???!!! CALL THE POICE!!!WE'RE BEING ROBBED!!!!

Hundreds of patriotic Americans remain in Biden's prisons. Their crime was protesting the election that Biden stole. The F.B.I. Biden Gestapo and Attorney General Merrick Garland are busting in the doors of Trump's supporters. SCREW YOU!!!!! These pedophile whack-jobs harass good parents concerned about drag queen perverts telling kids to take puberty blockers.

SUCK MY BALLS!!!!

The ChiComs are teaching their kids advanced math, while our Democrat-run government schools teach 'preferred pronoun nonsense! THIS IS BULLSHIT!!! The Chinese commies are on the move, while our mascara-wearing, politically-correct generals have America on her knees like a cheap whore!!!!

With all the taxes I'm paying, the military should not have waited a week before shooting down that Chinese spy balloon! BIDEN IS TOTALLY WEAK!!!

With this seniile, influence-peddling clown and his crime family in charge, the entire world is laughing at us! We're not defending our borders, but we're sending trillions defending that corrupt asshole Yelenskyy in Ukraine. It's a big, rotten money-laundering operation.

Our homeless vets are sleeping on park benches, while illegal aliens get to stay in swanky, 5-star hotels. THIS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT!!!!

Remember, when the asshole says 'Republicans are a threat to democracy', he really means 'They are a threat to The Democrat Party! 

In November, The G.O.P. won a small majority in The House of Representatives, so I hope that they can stop the bleedng for the next two years.. I hope that the country makes it to 2024, and then we can Make America Great Again!

Thank you. God Bless America.

SONG PARODY ALERT!!! (Nena Sings The Chinese Communist Surveilance Spy Balloon Song)

This week, Americans looked into the sky and saw a Chinese surveilance spy balloon hovering over our airspace.  Biden's military were too busy forcing our armed personnel to get Covid shots and learning preferred pronouns to do anything about it. The balloon was FINALLY shot down off the Carolina Coast yesterday.

In 1983, one-hit wonder Nena released an anti-nuclear war smash hit '99 Luftballoons'. She has returned to re-release this anthem with new lyrics:

In this empty field I stand

The ChiComs are buying our farmland

The hair sniffer waves his magic wand

and 'poof' the country's self respect is gone

Our sons and daughters dying from blood clots

Big Pharma and The ChiComs gave us these Covid shots

And now, I look up into the sky

A Chinese Surveilance spy balloon goes by

A Chinese spy balloon

I see it from my living room

Why won't Biden shoot it down?

Milley and the Joint Chiefs are woke clowns

They tell the people not to freak

This shows the world that Biden's weak

We want to know just why

there's a Chinese spy balloon in the sky

99 Executive orders

scores of illegals cross our border

Laundering money thru foreign aid

Dirty deals in Ukraine are made

Just what are we waiting for?

Do The Biden crime family want a world war?

 The American People wonder why,

we can't shoot a balloon out of the sky

Slow Joe Biden can't decide

Perhaps his senile brain is fried

The spokesman tells us to just look up

He is a lying, corrupt  jerk

The situation is over-analyzed

The woke generals are paralyzed

We are sick of all the lies

as a Chinese spy balloon flies by

A Chinese spy balloon flies by

They finally shot it down off the East coast

then they stood there and they boast

It's finally down, we're sitting pretty

At least it didn't fall on a city

Still, we wonder why was it sent

Was it their way of saying, 'Biden, Get bent.....?'

Do we still have control of our own airspace?

Does Biden know that we are losing face?

Happy Black History Month (With The Reverend Al Sharpton)

February is Black History Month, and here to tell us the story of Black America is our greatest Black leader, The Reverend Al Sharpton:

Between 100,000 and 7,000 years ago, God created the Black race. Things were great, until The White Devil came along.........

About 4,000 years ago, The Black Race built the first great civilizations, and created hospitals long before those pasty-faced, Greek Faggots Socrates and Hippocrates were even born.

The Black Race built the 7 Wonders of The World., but then The White Devil broke the nose of The Great Sphinx.....

iN 1619, The White Devil took Kunte Kinte, and put us in chains. Then, they put us on ships to America, where The White Devils gave The Native Americans blankets laced with Tubercolosis,

Financed by Jew Interlopers, The White Devil formed The United States on the backs of Black Slaves.(We were forced to build The White House.)

Folllowing The Civil War, The White Devils passed Jim Crow Laws.

George Washington Carver invented Peanut Butter. White Devil companies Jiff and Skippy stolel his invention and made billions off his hard work.

In 1957, Rock Legend Little Ritchard released 'Trutti Frutti'. The classic song was then stolen and it's soul was ripped out by Wonderbread-eating White boy Pat Boone......

In 1995, O.J. Simpson was aquitted of the double murder of his White ex-wife Nicole and her fag Jew friend Ron Goldman. This marks the first time a Black man ever got justice.

In 2020, Black man George Floyd is murdered by White cop Derek Chauvin. Mostly-peaceful protests follow. Whitey finally learns that Black Lives Matter.

In 2021, it is official. EVERYTHING is racist. The End.

The New Minnesota Abortion Law: A Vulgar Display Of Power

Here with her report on the activites inside The Minnesota Capitol is our correspondent, Regan MacNeil:

(SNARRRRRLLLLL) Yes Diana, the Democrat Panzers are blitzkreiging their hideously evil Pro-Abortion agenda down the throats of Minnesota. Yesterday, Our Fat Demon KIng Tim Waltz signed the most extremist Pro-Abortion legislation in the country. Minnesota doesn't even have The Death Penalty for violent murderers, but there's a death penalty for innocent unborn babies. (Projectile green vomit shoots out of the reporter's mouth.)

The demon-possessed Democrats, with a one-seat majority in The Minnesota State Senate, high-fived and celebrated as they passed their gloriously cruel, unjustifiable Abortion Law. (snarl) The false prophets with the local news media won't even try to report the realities of this atrocious legislation. These baby butchers shot down the powerless Republicans who tried in vain to provide SOME protections for unborn babies. 

This is truly a vulgar display of power. (snarrrrrl)

In the elections of 2022, the Demoncrats fear-mongered and gaslit the voters following the repeal of Roe Vs. Wade, (The reporter's head spins around). falsely claiming that the repeal would make abortion illegal. Now, our unholy sacrament is complete. RISE UP, MINNESOTA DEMONCRATS!!!!! (SNARL!)

The Democrats are working fast and furiously for their leftist base. On Friday, The Demoncrats will begin work to pass THREE gun-control (civilian disarmament) bills. Meanwhile, Minnesota Attorney General Keith Ellison ignores violent crime as he tries to revoke former Republicans candidate for Governor Scott Jensen's medical liscence.

The Democrats are also passing their 'Driving Liscences For All.....even illegal aliens' Bill. They're even trying to change the Minnesota State flag because the flag is '(screaming) racist!!!!'

(Snarrrl) This is Regan MacNeil reporting from St. Paul.