Save Us, Nanny Bloomberg!

New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg stands, looking out the window of his city hall office like a bored superhero. There's no crime in Gotham anymore, and every pothole has been filled. For Supermayor, balancing the city's budget is a snap.

Nanny Bloomberg has found a new villain. On Thursday, Supermayor proposed a ban on large, sugary drinks.  While this proposal has been met with widespread derision, inspiring #hashtag games on Twitter, The Mayor is determined to improve the health of all New Yorkers.

But, his detractors would rather speak of silly notions, such as liberty and free choice. Some even have the nerve to say that it's none of Nanny Bloomberg's business.

Get with it, people! New Yorkers are just too fat, and your wonderful Mayor wants to save you from your incorrect food choices. Government is always right. Learn it, Love it, live with it. Hey, that could be a slogan on a t-shirt.

He was right about salt, and he's right about 16-ounce sugary drinks.

As long as those twin evil-doers, fructose and carbonation, exist to threaten the wellness of New Yorkers, Super mayor will have to keep fighting.

Of course, he will need some help to stay ahead of these villains. The RedSquirrel Report has learned that Mayor Bloomberg will form a task force to combat the criminal element from getting around this ban.

Perhaps the Mafia will try to open Big Gulp Speakeasies.