Poetry Night At The Obama White House

Tonight, hip-hop artist Common will be honored at The White House. Your bushy-tailed reporter was listening to some Hannity on the radio yesterday, when the host played some audio, where the rapper waxed on about killing cops and setting fire to former President George W. Bush. They say that the First Amendment protects free speech, as long as you don't engage in 'fighting words' or 'yelling fire in a crowded theatre'.  I'm glad that Mr. Common doesn't engage in those fighting words. He goes straight for the 'shooting' and 'setting former Presidents on fire' words. As for me, one of my favorite poems starts with those wonderful words:
             She was a fast machine/ She kept her motor clean/ She was the best damn woman that I ever seen.

What Happened Last Week?

On May 1st, President Obama ordered an attack on Obama....I mean....Osama bin-Laden's hide-out  in Pakistan, where Obama was killed by a team of Navy Seals....I mean, Osama was killed. Also, one of Obama's wives was killed in the....whoops! I mean Osama's wives. Oh, this just in....She was not killed, but was shot in the leg while charging one of the U.S. Navy Seals. Also, Obama wasn't armed. Damn! I mean Osama. Apparently, Obama was shot twice in the face.... I mean, Osama was. The Navy Seals took Obama......OSAMA's body, wrapped it in a shroud, then gave Obama....grrrrr......OSAMA a proper Muslim burial at sea. Oh, this just in.....Many Muslims are angry at the way Obama's body was disposed of.....I mean, OSAMA!

Happy Cinco De Mayo

Your bushy-tailed blogger will celebrate by checking the mayonnaise in my fridge. If it's spoiled and yucky, then I will dump the unused mayo down the sinko.

What Should We Do With Bin-Laden's Corpse?

After killing the terrorist leader, our Navy Seals cleaned him, wrapped his corpse in a clean, white blanket, before giving him a proper burial at sea. Now if it were up to me, I would've sent the corpse to a taxidermist, then open a 'bitch-slap booth". It would be similiar to a kissing booth, only I would give America an opportunity to bitch-slap Osama's dead face for $10. Then, take the money, and build a new World Trade Center.

Governor Crazy Eyes Weighs In

Following the news of Osama Bin-Laden's death, there was speculation that there may be a spike in terroristic attacks on American soil. Upon hearing this, Minnesota Governor Mark Dayton immediately closed his office, sent his entire staff to a secret location somewhere in New Mexico, and was last seen at an Minneapolis/ St. Paul International Airport ticket line.

Hooray For U.S.

Along with the news of the killing of terrorist mastermind, Osama Bin-Laden, kudos must go to President Obama, former President George "Dubya" Bush, and our heroes in the United States military. I would give President Obama some props, but he seems to have something akin to tennis elbow from patting himself on the back. Wow! What a narcissistic prop hog.

Ding Dong The Pr1ck Is Dead

On Sunday night, an elite team of Navy Seals put two bullets in the skull of Osama Bin-Laden, killing him. Yesterday I celebrated, with a nice roasted chicken from my local Rainbowfoods deli. Woo-hoo!