In the winter of 1973, people waited in long lines to be terrorized by a new movie about a girl possessed by a demon. The Exorcist caused people to faint, vomit, miscarry their babies, and literally feel like Hell was very real.
In 2006, people waited in lines to vote in the midterm elections of that year, and San Francisco Democrat Nancy Pelosi became the Speaker of The House of Representatives. Some conservatives wonder if she has an unclean spirit residing inside her head.
This is our re-telling of The Exorcist...................
A Catholic minister does an archeological dig in California's Death Valley, and finds a stone idol. After doing some research, the small stone donkey (a demon named Crat) is given as a gift to an ultra corrupt politician in Baltimore. The politician becomes mayor.
Now, it's 2011, and the daughter of the ultra-corrupt Mayor has been named Speaker of The U.S. House of Representatives. Nobody really notices her strange behavior. She crabwalks into the Capitol Building, and takes the oath on The Bible. Sparks fly from her hand as she rests it on the good book.
She helps pass Obamacare, stealing healthcare from millions of Americans. A reporter asks her what's in the legislation, and she says that 'We have to pass it to see what's in it....'
She becomes incredibly wealthy on a congressional salary.
A new President is elected, and he delivers The State of The Union Address. He hands a copy of his budget proposal to her. A voice inside Nancy's head tells her to tear it up. With Hellfire blazing in her eyes, she tears up the budget proposal.
The devil plays inside her mouth, and she starts sucking at her dentures. She clicks a distress Morse code signal using her false teeth. An Exorcist in Georgetown hears ii.
The next day, the Exorcist visits The Speaker inside her office. She denies sending the signal. He asks her if she is alright, Her eyes change color, and she starts vibrating, SCREAMING AND CURSING at the exorcist. The camera pans to her bookshelf. The Demon Crat stone idol is on the top shelf next to an aborted baby in a jar.
Nancy's head spins around, and ice cream vomits out of her mouth, hitting him in the face.
The young exorcist inlists the help of another to help drive the unclean spirit from Nancy. They tie her to her swivel chair, and they begin praying.
Nancy's voice changes, and the demon Crat tells the two Fathers that The Devil now possesses Nancy.
The younger exorcist taunts The Devil, saying that 'If you are really The Devil, than he could untie Nancy.' The unclean spirit growls 'That would be too vulgar a display of power......'
Then the young Father laughs and says,' Nancy, your whole career has been a vulgar display of power!'
iNSTANTLY, Nancy has a huge, over-sized gavel in her hands. She is untied, swinging the gavel at the exorcists.
The team ducks, and sprinkle holy water at her. She screams 'IT BURNS!!!!STOP IT!!!!'
The swivel chair flies around the room, and kills the older Exorcist. The younger Father is terrified, and in desperation, he cries out 'TAKE ME INSTEAD!!!!!'
He is possessed by the unclean spirit. He throws himself out of the window, and is killed. Then, he is revived. He sells his soul to be in Congress.
The End.
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