'Easter' Greetings From Nicolae Carpathia

 It's Easter Sunday, and the King of This World sends this greeting:

Happy Fertility Festival, America and The World,

It's Easter, and my demonic, senile flunky Joe Biden has announced 'Trans Visibility Day 2024', because as you know, my demon-possessed transgender children are STILL in the closet!!! NOT!!!!!!

Plans to replace The American People with millions of illegal, CRIMINAL migrants from the Third World is RIGHT ON SCHEDULE! My Obiden Regime will register them to vote, and that orange-haired goody-two-shoes Donald Trump HAS A BIG SURPRISE WAITING FOR HIM ON ELECTION DAY!!!

My WONDERFULLY wicked New York Attorney General Letitia James (The Scourge of New York, The Sorrow of America, Letitia the Corrupt, Letitia the Cruel, Letitia the Racist, Letitia the Thief, Letitia the CONFISCATOR) will take EVERYTHING that the orange man has ever built and every penny will be seized. Soon, he will know what it's like to live under the brutal rule of The Anti-Christ! 

YOU WILL OWN NOTHING AND YOU'LL BE HAPPY!!! ALL HAIL SATAN!!!!

MY UNHOLY TRINITY of Joe Biden, Bill Clinton, and Barack Hussein Obama just had the biggest fundraiser in the country's history, while my media tells the foolish American People that The Republicans are the party OF THE RICH!!! I'M LAUGHING MY ASS OFF!!!!!

My Demoncrats are stealing everything that isn't nailed down, laundering your money, declaring war on the productive, using lawfare to rob you of your freedom, and everyone is distracted watching MARCH MADNESS!!!

While your children find colored eggs and families attend church services, My COMMUNITY ORGANIZER Barack Hussein Obama is busy doing Satan's WORK, 'transforming America' INTO A CRIME-RIDDEN, THIRD-WORLD, IMPOVERISHED SHIT-HOLE!!!! 

My Attorney General Merrick Garland and my Federal Bastards of Intimidation are harrassing Christians and Jews all over the country. Very soon, I will make you accept my mark, or you will be unable to buy or sell or even hold a job! ALL HAIL D.E.I.!!!! YOU AIN'T SEEN NOTHIN' YET!!!!

Soon, The U.S. CONSTITUTION WILL BE REPLACED BY THE SATANIC BIBLE!!!! With my degenerate leftist gang in power, GOD IS MOCKED!!! ALL HAIL SATAN!!!!

Letitia James, The Scourge Of New York

As everybody knows, New York Attorney General Letitia James is currently the most evil presence in the universe, so we welcome the extremely evil Vigo The Carpathian (also known as Prince Vigo, Von Homburg Deutschendorf, Scourge of Carpathia, Sorrow of Moldavia, Vigo the Cruel, Vigo the Torturer Vigo the Despised, Vigo the Unholy) to explain to us just what bad a person Leticia James is:

Hello, you puny Americans,

I am Vigo, The Scourge of Carpathia, The Sadness of Maldavia. On New Year's Eve 1989, I attempted to take over the world and bring a worldwide season of evil. I failed.

Now, it's 2024, and a River of Slime is flowing under New York in the form of Attorney General Letitia James. This Stalinist Goon is accomplishing something I could only dream about in my most cruel, evil mind.

She has filed bogus fraud charges against developer and former President Donald Trump, and she is trying to destroy him financially. She is robbing him of almost $500,000,000 in the guise of a 'civil fine', charging him with fraud.

This abuse of power makes me and many other evil historical characters look like Mr.Rogers. She has falsely accused Mr. Trump of over-evaluating his own property to get a bank loan. The Bank itself reports that there was no fraud, that Trump paid off the loan, and that the bank is completly satisfied with their dealing with the developer...

....but that matters not to her. What was will be no more! She said, 'I shall take EVERYTHING HE HAS POSSESSED, OWNED, OR HAS EVER BUILT, AND CONFISCATE ALL HIS ASSETS!'

I will even take his home and his Trump Tower!!!!!' Back in my day, you needed a well-armed army to storm a castle!

The grotesque, evil Queen Letitia had campaigned to 'get Donald Trump.' even attacking him for his skin color, referring to him as being 'Too pale, and too stale.' On a mountain of skulls, in HER office of pain, she sits on a throne of blood!

The SHAMELESS news media worships and sucks up to Letitia James like my creepy, little right-hand man, Dr. Janosz Poha (played by Peter MacNichol).

She isn't even trying to lock up the violent criminals running wild in the streets and subways of New York City, spending her time persecuting a man who helped build the city.  She is SO EVIL AND MAD WITH POWER I may try to get a job working for her. I am updating my resume!

There are those trying to resist her insane lust for power. The rebel New York Fire Department boo'd her, and some truckdrivers are refusing to deliver food and supplies into New York City. Many businesspeople are refusing to to business in Gotham, and law-abiding New Yorkers are fleeing the city.

Will she have everyone thrown in prison and ruined financially, or just Donald Trump? What will be the result of her cruel, unconstitutional harvest of HATE? 

This is Vigo. Over and out.

Letitia James, Attorney General of New York, The Scourge of New York, Letitia the Stalinist Goon, Letitia the Cruel, Letitia the Racist, Letitia the Rotten, Letitia The Corrupt, Letitia the Confiscator

Ralphie Wiggum: Ketanji Brown-Jackson Is Brilliant!!!!!

We at The RedSquirrel Report believe in airing all views, so we welcome a typical Democrat voter:

Whoops, I just accidently ate paste....

Hi, my name is Ralphie Wiggum, and I am a Democrat voter. Mean , racist Republicans are making fun of Supremist Court Justice Ketanji Brown-Jackson because she is concerned that The First Amendment may make it easier to spread right-wing misinformation!

We need the government to control the discourse in this country because some right-wingers will lie about Covid and get everybody killed. Purple magic markers taste like grape!

Out of everybody on The Supremist Court, KBJ is the SMARTEST! O.k., so she doesn't kniw what a woman is. NOBODY'S PEFEKT!

I want the government to be in control of free speech. I trust Adam Schiff, Nancy Pelosi, and Liz Chaney and I watch MSNBC and CNN! The government-controlled media NEVER LIES!!!

If the government didn't step in, we would all be addicted to horse de-wormers! All those J6 insurrectionist NAZIS are a threat to OUR DEMOCRACY!!! J6 cost more American lives than The Silver War and the attack on Pearl Harbor combined!!!!

We need the government to censure misinformation on X/Twitter! Mark Zuckerberg and his fact-checkers on facebook do a fantastic job! WHOOPS, I just got some red spray paint up my nose!

If we didn't have the government picking winners and losers, it would be unpossible to know that The Father of our country was Black! Thank you GOOGLE GEMINI!!!!

Finally, Ketanji Brown-Jackson is right, because our wonderful President Joe Biden needs the government to control all the liars who hate him! He has created more jobs than all the Presidents before him, but his haters accuse him of turning the country into a banana republic. 

What's wrong with bananas? I like bananas, but that yellow skin tastes weird!

Biden has made it possible for an American to fit $200 of groceries in ONE BAG! 

BIDEN/ HARRIS 2024!!!  KETANJI BROWN-JACKSON FOR QUEEN OF THE SUPREME COURT!!!

Hunter S. Thompson: Fear And Loathing At The 2024 State Of The Union Address

Your bushy-tailed correspondent was working on a deadline Thursday night, and I had The Minnesota Boys' State Hockey Tournament on in the office, so I didn't see any of the S.O.T.U. show. Afterwards I did see several clips on Twitter/X.

Looking at some of the clips, it reminded me of the words of famed gonzo journalist Hunter S. Thompson, who said 'Politics used to attract the best and the brightest. Now it attracts the dumbest and meanest.'

Biden looked like a psychotic old neighbor, yelling at local kids, paranoid, and exrremely ANGRY. Many pundits have commented that he looked like he was under the influence of several controlled substances, It makes me wonder what Hunter S. Thompson would say if we hired him to cover it:

Holy crap, extreme fear and loathing here at the House of Representatives. I took some amphetamines and Mescaline, and washed it down with a bottle of Wild Turkey. I understand that The Idiot is high on coke tonight (His son Hunter must be around here somewhere), and it will probably help him get through the long S.O.T.U. Address.

God, he looks terrible. The doofus looks like he's wearing a mask. He resembles a really poorly-drawn cartoon, like Beavis or Butt-Head's senile great-grandfather. It's wierd that such a repulsive, loathesome creature can have such incredibly white teeth. It's almost blinding.

Whenever someone this atrocious goes on a charm offensive, it's not charming. It's just offensive.Bill Maher is right. He DOES walk like a toddler with a full diaper.

The Idiot has just started his address. He got 3 words out before The Democrats were already giving him a standing ovation. and screaming like they've spotted The Beatles. I think they're all high on coke too.

Biden is attacking his predicessor, and telling us little people how great everything is and blaming his opponents for everything at the same time.Damn, this double-talking sociopathic buzzard is talking fast!!!

He takes credit for all the jobs he says he created, yet says nothing of the jobs cancelled by Democrats during the Covid shutdown!

This pandering Jerk gets angry and hateful as he speaks about the various strawmen populating his schizophrenic, paranoid fantasyland. His opponents protesting the stolen 2020 election are a threat to democracy, so they must be thrown in his J6 DUNGEON!

Speaker Mike Johnson is sitting behind The Idiot, keeping his cool. If I was him, I'd be smacking Biden 's head with a rolled-up newspaper.

Now the Idiot is yapping about Ukraine. Hey ASSHOLE, What about America???!!!!

The pandering creep lectures The Supreme Court on their repeal of Roe Vs. Wade, and I almost go deaf from the piercing cheers from the unhinged degenerates on the left side of the room. 

Uh-OH, THE iDIOT HAS GONE OFF-SCRIPT. Why is he mentioning U.S.C. Head Football Coach Lincoln Riley? HER NAME IS LAKEN RILEY, YOU BRAIN-DEAD DOOFUS!! SHE WAS BRUTALLY MURDERED BY AN ILLEGAL ALIEN YOU LET INTO THE COUNTRY!!!! To make it even WORSE, he makes it about himself, telling the room 'I lost a child too.'

MY GOD, HE'S FUCKING SHAMELESS!!!! This is just painful. I need more drugs just to get through this.

DAMN YOU, REDSQUIRREL, FOR ASSIGNING ME TO THIS GROTESQUE SHITSHOW!!! I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!!!!

I  can picture all our foreign enemies watching this hideous, rediculous S.O.T.U., and laughing their asses off. Putin's face must hurt by now,  and Hamas is probably thatnking Allah for The Idiot Fraud.

While the commies on TicTok teach America's young males to act like cross-dressing fems, The ChiComs are planning to take over the world. If WE'RE FOOLISH ENOUGH TO RE-ELECT THIS SENILE CLOWN THIS NOVEMBER, WE CAN CANCEL THE 2025 State of The Union Address.

Get me out of here. I can't take this any more!!!

Eric Cartman's 2024 State Of The Union Pre-Buttal

Tomorrow, Resident Biden is scheduled to deliver The State of the Union Address. We at RSR has asked our Junior Correspondent, eight-year-old Eric Cartman to deliver our pre-buttal:

Good evening, My Fellow Americans.. Hopefully, The senile President will deliver The State of the Union Address without keeling over, and heaven help us if Pope Francis shows up during the address tomorrow night.  I'm only an 8-year-old kid from South Park, Colorado, but I am sure the liar-in-chief will try to tell the people that our State of the Union is strong......

I'm telling you that with this corrupt douche and his freak show regime ruining the country I love, the state of the country is like.....TOTALLY WEAK!

Biden has opened the border wide open for every drug dealer, criminal, child trafficker, and VIOLENT, third-world asshole! To make things worse, he's blaming the previous President Donald Trump for the border crisis that Creepy Joe created!

Nobody respects America anymore. NOBODY RESPECTS OUR AUTHORITAH! The world is laughing at us.

These douchebags give our tax dollars to illegal aliens, and lets them stay in luxury hotels while our homeless vets get NOTHING! THE GOVERNMENT CAN SUCK MY BALLS!!!!

I understand that Lyin' Biden will mention The Great Reset tomorrow night. I wonder if that means he will hand America over to The Anti-Christ or something. GOD HELP US!!!

The corrupt Democrats are trying to throw their politcal opponents in prison. Even an 8-year-old kid from South Park sees through this. Fat Fani, fat-head Alvin Bragg, and corrupt Letitia are working with Team Biden to throw Donald Trump in prison, along with patriotic, everyday Americans protesting the stolen 2020 election. 

They think if they pack the courts, take Trump off the ballot, cheat their asses off, throw their opponents in jail, and Take away our freedom of choice THEN THAT WILL SOMEHOW SAVE DEMOCRACY! 

GO TO HELL, YOU EVIL, CORRUPT BULLIES!!!!!

Behind all of this is Barack Obama. He promised to 'transform the country'. Translation: He will turn America into a corrupt, crime-ridden, impoverished shithole! Before that creep came on the scene, America was getting along just fine. 

Heaven help all the normal, everyday Americans still living in the cities. Crime is out of control, with gangs of looters and violent criminals running wild. Alvin Bragg iand Letitia Jamess are too busy persecuting Trump to do anything about the violent criminals wrecking the cities.

Inflation is still through the roof. I notice that my friend Kenny (he's on welfare) is even skinnier than normal, and that my Mom can't afford groceries. We call it 'Our Biden Diet.'

Finally, I want to say something about The National Debt. If you send $100,000,000,000 to defend Ukraine's border but $0.00 to defend America's border, you should be voted out of office.

How can you put the next generation in debt and send billions to countries that hate us? Washington D.C. is corrupt as Hell, laundering money and getting filthy rich off from non-stop wars. 

SUCK OUR BALLS, YOU FILTHY, ROTTEN CROOKS!!!!

Hang in there, Anerica. November is coming. Goodnight.