Our Correspondent Lucy Van Pelt Sums Up 2022

 

RedSquirrel Predictions For 2023

Your bushy-tailed correspondent looks into his crystal ball, and sees the following events unfolding in 2023:

Along with 87,000 new I.R.S. agents, The Biden Regime will spend another trillion dollars hiiring non-American illegal aliens, AntiFa terrorists, and BLM thugs to harrass and jail Americans suspected of voting for Donald Trump in 2020.

Senate Democrats will introduce The Nobody Likes A Tattletale Act, imprisoning thousands of government whistleblowers.

Following up on the 2022 atrocious Inflation-Reduction Act, The Respect For Marriage Act, and the Omnibus Budget, The Democrat Senate introduces a $4-trillion project bill to build a huge, plastic hand to slap God in the face.

The CDC will blame the heart attack deaths of thousands of vaccinated 8-year-olds on Climate change.

The Unemployment rate reaches an astronomical 40%. Americans are dying in the streets. The country has become a food desert. Owning a home or renting an apartment becomes prohibitively expensive.......and Joe Biden will say our economy is 'stronger than Hell.'

Historian Micheal Beschloss will write a new book claiming that Donald Trump is the re-incarnation of Hitler. Americans on facebook are suspended and censored for disagreeing with Beschloss's insane, unhinged claims.

While Democrats continue to engage in illegal insider trading and money-laundering, Biden AG Merrick Garland indicts former President Donald Trump on some made-up charge.

Elon Musk announces a new C.E.O. of Twitter. Alex Jones.

Joe Biden's Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre announces the sale of Arlington National Cemetery to the Chinese Communist Government. The Chi-Coms desecrate all of the graves, and strike oil. Resident Biden then begs The Chinese to sell us the oil..

The University of Stanford will ban the use of the English language after determining that it is a product of systemic rascism, sexism, and unacceptable to wokeness. The students and faculty will speak the African Handawe and Hadza language of clicking their mouthes from now on.

Normal Americans complain about Resident Biden's re-imagined mandatory mask mandate, so he introduces his new 'ball-gag' mandate. A Biden judge determines that this does not violate The First Amendment.

Bug-eyed Leftist Adam Schiff resigns his congressional seat, and finds a new job..................in a prison laundry room.

and finally..............

The Minnesota Vikings are 30 seconds away from winning their first Super Bowl, leading The Kansas City Chiefs by 24-21. Suddenly, television viewers recieve a late-breaking bulletin, and the newscasters tell the world that professional football is indeed 'fixed' like professional wrestling. The field refs refuse to let the game end, and they cancel the final 30 seconds. NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell announces the folding of the league. State Farm Stadium in Glendale Arizona is sucked into a black hole, leaving The Vikes winless in The Super Bowl.

What Is Shwanza?: Dr. Frasier Crane Tries To Explain The Drunken Madness Of Nancy Pelosi

Soon-to-be ex-Speaker Nancy Pelosi spoke to her colleagues in The House chamber last week, and used a non-existent word 'SHWANZA'  Here to try to explain is our resident psychiatrist, Dr. Frasier Crane:

Thank you, RedSquirrel. Hello, I am Dr. Frasier Crane, and I am listening.

Yes, soon-to-be former Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) used this word Shwanza. She was wishing her colleagues well, and trying to be 'inclusive' to multiple religions and traditions. Somehow, she mentioned this non-existent holiday 'Shwanza'. PERHAPS this non-existent holiday DOES exist, and that we just didn't know of it's existence. 

Perhaps she just made a Freudian slip, or this supposed holiday IS A REAL HOLIDAY. It sounds like she was trying to combine the words 'Shvantz' and 'Kwanzaa'. Shvantz is a Yiddish word, meaning 'penis,' and Kwanzaa is a fake holiday for African-Americans opposed to Christmas. Kwanzaa was created by a Black Communist.

My, this is starting to sound like a holiday that would be celebrated by a Cultural Marxist! We may be getting somewhere!

Perhaps, Nancy wanted to insult The American People one last time before she has to give up her huge, over-sized Speaker's Gavel. She was probably lashing out, thinking that she desired to desecrate Christmas by wishing everyone a 'happy fake holiday' like Kwanzaa , but was thinking about her 'sexually adventurous' husband Paul, so she accidently said  'Shwanza'.

Chances are, Nancy was slurring her speech because she was drunk, as she is much of the time. It is well-known that she is a full-fledged alcoholic, shit-faced to the core. As bad as her drunkedness is, she is even MORE drunk on power. She must make a fortune from her insider trading, so I am sure she can afford all the booze she could ever want.

I would send her to DETOX.

Extreme leftists like Mrs.Pelosi have this need to change ANYTHING that is considered 'traditional' and attack what is 'normal'. I hope that she and her Democrat colleagues don't ever try to cancel Christmas and replace it with Shwanza. With this out-of-control government, it wouldn't surprise me if they try.

According to some, Nancy Pelosi has an unclean spirit living inside her head. Perhaps someone should hire an exorcist to deal with this, although I would prefer some extensive electroshock therapy for Nancy.

I would like to conduct some Rorschach tests with Nancy. I remember when The Clintons used to hang condoms on their White House Christmas tree. In her congressional district (San Francisco), residents are 'free' to publicly shoot drugs into their veins  and defecate on the sidewalks. 

I find it interesting after they emptied the mental asylums and turned San Franciscointo a sanctuary city, she was elected to Congress.

Well, that's it for this session. Have yourselves a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. I wish good mental health to you and yours!

I am Dr. Frasier Crane, and I am listening!

An RSR Exclusive: Santa Is In A Foul Mood

Your bushy-tailed correspondent stepped into Mrs. Claus's kitchen as she baked a batch of Gingerbread cookies. She sighed, and warned me about her 'Big guy'.

She told me that whatever I do, don't bring up Biden or The F.B.I., for those bastards in D.C. have been incredibly naughty. Santa has been in a very foul mood since Biden stole that election, and it's gotten even worse in the last year. He hasn't been eating and he doesn't get nearly enough sleep.

Mrs. Claus told me that he just spends his time in his office, yelling at the toyshop foreman like Clark W. Grisworld's boss Frank Shirley in that Christmas Vacation movie.....

'RE-TOOL????!!!!! I'LL RE-TOOL YOU!!!!!!!'

 Santa has a large dartboard of Joe Biden in hus office. He spends hours thowing darts.........

And so, I slowly entered Santa's spacious North Pole office. Mrs. Klaus wasn't kidding. I was shocked to see how much weight he had lost. I cleared my throat, and asked him if this was a bad time for an interview. He ho, ho, hoed, but it sounded forced.

After I asked him how he REALLY felt about this Christmas, he poured his anger out:

THAT CORRUPT, SENILE JERK-OFF BIDEN IS GETTING A REINDEER TURD IN HIS STOCKING!!!!! He is making America a third-world banana republic!

It breaks my heart to know about all those everyday American patriots rotting in his gulags because they proitested the stolen election. 'Insurrectionists' MY ASS!!!!

As for that corrupt, insider-trading hosebag Nancy Pelosi and her homo husband, I'm sending them a sealed indictment!

I know who's been naughty, and I know who's been nice. Bitches......

I'M SENDING CAROL-SINGING GREMLINS TO ALL THOSE MONEY-LAUNDERING CRAPSTAINS IN CONGRESS!!! ALL THOSE JERKS WHO VOTED FOR THE $1.7 BILLION OMNIBUS BILL  HAD BETTER WATCH OUT!!! IF I COULD, I WOULD SEND DEMONS TO THEIR FRONT DOORS!!!!

On the other hand, a lot of good Americans will be getting guns under their Christmas tree. Thank God for The Second Amdndment. Merry Christmas to you........

That is all.

Havnagootiim Vishnu Urheer Has Some More Profound Questions

Havnagootiim Vishnu Urheer returns with much on his mind, and many questions to ask:

Why does a politician spend $100 million dollars to win a job where the yearly salary is $174,000? No wonder why They're so corrupt with their insider trading and money laundering.

Why do the vaccinated blame the unvaccinated when the vaccinated get sick, even when the unvaccinated didn't even get sick? When you have the flu, do you curse everyone without the flu?

How in Heaven's name did John Fetterman get elected? Are the voters in Pennsylvania on drugs?

Why do they call Twitter  a 'social media' site when so many on it are so ANTI-SOCIAL????

What is with backward world Washington D.C.? The corrupt government prosecutes the innocent and normal, everyday citizens are imprisoned while violent criminals run wild.

Why do libs support violent murderers and THEIR'rights' while at the same time they fight to kill innocent unborn babies? That one makes my bald head hurt.

Why does the woke crowd call America 'RACIST', while people with Black skin, Brown skin, and Yellow skin are all trying to get in? That one still has me quite perplexed.....................

Why was Aunt Jamima, Uncle Ben and the pretty Land-o-Lakes girl banished from the grocery store shelves, along with baby formula?

And finally, 

What is wrong with you Americans? You elected the dumbest, most senile, most corrupt dingleberry amognst you as your 'leader'?????!!

I must take a nap. All these questions tires the mind...........

Twas A Month Before Christmas, (When Elon Musk Bought Twitter)

The Clement Clarke Moore poem was 55 lines. I decided on 21 lines because I'm a little lazy:

Twas A month before Christmas, and all thru the house of Twitter

The leftist censors were panicking and getting quite bitter

Musk was determined to make social media more fair

For the blue-check libs, it was more than they could bear

To The Babylon Bee this news sounded just fine

As visions of free speech danced in their minds

Musk turned on the light, and the Twitter cockroaches scurried

He exposed The Hunter Biden story they had buried

For $44 billion Elon bought a crime scene

Twitter and the government colluded, and that was just mean

Elon brought back accounts that were suspended

All this free speech left the cancel cultists quite offended

Even Donald Trump's account was re-activated

 but we still wonder why was his Mar-aLago home raided? 

Elon Musk dealt harshly with  the child porn creeps

and re-activated the accounts of normal, everyday tweeps

He fired the lawyers and the dead weight were given pink slips

as the unhinged leftist Twits quickly lost their grips

He found that Twitter colluded with The F.B.I. and C.I.A. crooks

while the networks news refused to take a look

So, Merry Christmas to you who had their accounts suspended

Thanks to Elon Musk, your suspension will soon be ended

Top Ten Things More Important Than Biden Visiting The Southern Border

So, The Neck Sniffer visited Arizona this week, and a journalist asked him if he plans to visit the Southern border. The relentlessly corrupt, senile Biden said 'No. There are more important things (than border security).'

From the home office in Bovey, Minnesota, here are The Top Ten Things More Important Than Securring Our Borders':

10. Congratulating Katie Hobbs on her governor's race 'well-stolen'

  9.  Laundering another $50 billion

  8. Punishing people who work for a living

  7. Accepting money from drug kingpins 

  6. Eating an ice cream cone

  5. killing unborn babies

  4. Brittney Griner

  3. Throwing Donald Trump and all his supporters in prison

  2. fighting 'disinformation'

  1. nano nono, I don't know

Drag Queen Story Time, Weirdos In The Biden Regime, And Balenciaga: A Sister Mary Brokenknuckles Commentary

These days, Parents are learning what their kids are being subjected to at government schools, and many are attending school board meetings. These parents are speaking out against CRT, girls being assaulted by males in girl's bathrooms, as well as the leftist propaganda insanity taught at these government schools.

Our Faith and Religion correspondent, Sister Mary Brokenknuckes returns to comment on this and some other timely issues:

Thank you, RedSquirrel. God Bless!

Hail Mother Mary, full of grace,

Tonight, the Moloch-worshipping, wife-abusing, communist desciple of Satan Raphael Warnock won his Senatorial run-off election against Christian football legend Herschel Walker. Turtle Head Mitch MacConnell must really enjoy being in the minority, horribly underfunding Walker's campaign.

Now that The Democrats have 51 Senate seats, that worthless whore of Babylon Vice-President Kamala Harris will have absolutely nothing to do.

This is Sam Brinton. This perverted 'transgender' weirdo was given a position in The Snfiffer Pervert Biden regime.Ttransgenders like this  ballgown-wearing, bald Sodomite weirdo yap about their 'preferred pronouns. My 'preferred pronouns' for this abomination is 'What/The./ Living/ Hell!!! 

It's perfectly proper to use the 'demonstrative pronouns' 'That' and 'WHAT' to describe this whack job, as well as the grotesque, cross-transitioning freak, Rachel/ Robert Levine!. 

What the HELL is with this freakshow coming at us at The Biden regime? Where in Heaven's name does he find these people?????

As for drag queen story time, if any of these demonic perverts try to come into my Catholic school, I will call the police!

The same goes for our teachers. If any of our teachers ever try to talk sex with our children, we'll smack 'em in the knuckles with a ruler.......then call THE POLICE!!

I guess Brazil has replaced The United States as the new 'Land of the free and Home of the brave!' Did you see what the people did when that Communist Lula tried to steal their country away from wonderful Christian President Jair Bolsannero? The people rose up, and the military took the country back! 

If our military weren't lead by politically-correct, mascara-wearing fruticakes like Mark Milley, President Trump would be straightening this country out right now! 

I am dissappointed the Republican 'red wave' that we were promised turned into a 'red puddle'. Still, I am glad that The G.O.P. won The House. Now, Nutty Nancy should hire an exorcist, and she can rid herself of that unclean spirit living inside her head. She should spend more time with her gay husband Paul. Playing 'Hide The Hammer' with male prostitutes is bad for body, mind, and soul.

Hail Mother Mary, Full of Grace!

Christmas is coming, and if you're shopping at Balenciaga, I'll say a prayer for your soul. If images of child bondage, blood, and teddy bears rock your boat, you may be well on your way to Hell along with The Kardashians. And speaking of Kardashians, will someone tell Kanye to stop all this silliness? 

May God in Heaven bless Elon Musk for setting the Twitter prisoners free. Hopefully, conservatives will soon enjoy the same free speech rights as child sex traffickers, Covid vaccine drug pushers, The Taliban, and Biden's Fascist Bureau of Intimidation!

Finally, may God bless the J6 prisoners suffering inhuman persecution by The Biden Regime. I believe Our Savior Jesus Christ would tell his Father in Heaven, 'Dear God, Forgive Joe Biden. He knows not what he does..........No really, Joe Biden doesn't even know where he is most of the time!'

Amen!

If Republicans Really Want To Win

If Republicans REALLY want to win, they have to learn to fight fire with fire. Democrats use the system and bend the rules whenever they can get away with it. Democrats tend to vote earlier and have their ballots counted later, and Republicans need to know this. 

If we want to win, we have to realize that some elections are not about ideas, it's about who gets more ballots counted.

Democrats knew that Republicans in Maricopa County would tend to vote in person on Election Day, so they made sure the machines didn't work, leaving disenfranchized Republican voters stranded at polling stations. They stood in long, long lines for hours, while the media lied about how we suppress the  Democrat vote.

Democrats alter the election system to give themselves an advantage. The good news is, The Republicans can learn to use the system against their Democrat opponents. Several years back, Democrats in Orange County used vote harvesting to route their Republican opponents. 2 years later, The Republicans learned their lesson, and returned the favor, beating The Dems. 

Now, some Republicans are getting smart, putting drop boxes in churches and gun stores. One reason why the 'red wave' didn't happen is because rural conservatives didn't come out and vote. WE should have ballot harvesting operatives placing drop boxes all over rural areas.

Here's another idea. In 2024, Presidential candidate Donald Trump (if he is the candidate) should have 30-40 drop boxes placed outside each venue where he holds his rallies. His operatives can harvest scores of ballots at his rallies.

If Republicans want to win, they need to adopt and out-hussle the dirty Democrats.

SONG PARODY ALERT!!! Ode To Little Kevin McCallister

 

I was watching the Christmas classic 'Home Alone' and i noticed that the subject of the classic 1968 hit 'Ode To Billy Joe' by Bobbi Gentry had the same last name as the little boy portrayed by Mccaulley Caulkin.................

I thought I'd try to write a remake (or variation) of this song. I call this 'Ode To Little Kevin McCalister'':

Little Kevin's family was angry and getting on his case

When Kevin woke up lookin' for his family but he saw no trace

Mama gave Kevin a 'time out' because he was giving her lip

The family forgot the little runt, they went away on their Christmas trip

At the luggage carousel they passed around the stuff he packed

Mama screamed KEVIN! and she felt terrible that she lost track

She had sent him to his room when He was mouthy and Mama didn't like his tone

and now it seems Kevin McCalister was left hone all alone

Well, little Kevin was home alone, but he did just fine

He smashed his brother's shelf that he was trying to climb

He was low on food so he went and got some more

He got some goodies and paid with cash at the grocery store

Little Kevin was home alone on Christmas but he was brave

He screamed and his pores tightened when he tried on Dad's aftershave

There were two bumbling burglers casing Kevin's family home

Somehow they found out that Kevin Mccalister was left home alone

So, one of he burglars stuck his head right inside the doggy door

Kevin shot them with a toy gun and  asked them 'Do you idiots want some more?

The burglars slipped and fell and almost broke their turkey necks

They swore they'll put an end to the little bratty smart aleck

Little Kevin was only having fun defending his family home

It was that time tat Kevin Mccalister was left home alone

It's been 30 years and there were Home Alone sequels that weren't half bad

Nobody ever called Child Protection Services on Kevin's Mom and Dad

Everyone has grown up and tthe kids have all moved away

Except for those two burglars, They're still in prison today

The brothers and sisters still come to their Mom's and Dad's Home Sweet Home

and  laugh about the time Kevin McCalister was left home alone