Dr. Anthony Fauci, America's foremost health expert, is here to tell us how to safely enjoy today's Super Bowl:
Dear America. You can enjoy the Super Bowl if you just obey me and the government. The first thing you must understand is that 'compliance if key.' You must wear at least 1 face mask. If 1 face mask is good, then 2 face masks are better. Oh heck, wear at least 3.
Don't invite anyone to your Super Bowl party.The Super Bowl lasts only 1 day. Death is forever! Don't risk serious sickness or even death by inviting peoplke over. One of them might be infected with Covid19.
The best place to have your Super Bowl party is in a very small space, preferably your bathroom. If you can't see what's going on from your bathroom, perhaps listening to the big game on the radio will be just as enjoyable. Remember to lock the bathroom door.
Most Americans enjoy the big game with snacks. I don't recommend pizza or anything with hot sauce, because it's not really very healthy. I recommend carrot and celery sticks instead. You can enjoy a nice, big salad or some apples.
If you have children in your house, the Biden Administration advises parents to keep the kids locked in their room. Don't infect your kids with Covid.
O.K., Your all alone watching the big game. You should have a telephone nearby because if the team you're rooting for makes a big play, you'll want to yell loudly. Just call your friend and yell into the phone. Isn't this sounding like fun?
After the game is over, clean up after yourself, or someone in your househould could catch Covid from uneaten food.
Have a great Super Bowl Sunday, America!
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