The First Lady is already planning a terrific Halloween party. Malia and Sasha are helping their Mom as she shops for fun Halloween supplies.
Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid will be scary living lawn ornaments, scaring trick-or-treaters and guests alike. Nancy will be a terrifying witch and Harry will be The Crypt-Keeper. I understand that several House Republicans will try to crash our party dressed as dirty, out-of-work coalminers. Spoil sports.
Then, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and advisor Valerie Jarrett will both be arriving in their giant vagina costumes they stole from The Democratic National Convention.
Like last year, we'll have Solyndra execs and bosses from The Services Employee International Union bobbing for bribes in the Main Ballroom. This year, we're inviting you to our Halloween party, but you have to contribute to my re-election.
If you contribute $5 or more, you will be entered in a drawing. We will pick 2 winners who will be allowed in the same room with my friend and supporter, George Clooney.
Still, we are getting some folks who keep egging my house....uh....I mean, the PEOPLE'S White House. Darn those Twitter conservatives. This is what those right-wing meanies do when they're not hijacking my hashtags.
I'll have a special treat for all the out-of-work trick-or-treaters. Obama Phones in every bag!
You might be wondering what my Halloween costume will be. It involves a toilet seat hanging around my neck. Well, they call me an empty chair....
I can't wait for Halloween Night. It should be a real riot. I sure hope that this wonderful country can avoid the riots that will break out across America if I should somehow lose my bid for re-election, so ACORN and SCYTL better come through.
Finally, if for some reason you fail to have a Happy Halloween, just remember:
I inherited this holiday from the previous administration. Thank you.
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