Our correspondent was at the New York courthouse today, and was there to hear the final instructions from Judge Juan Merchan to the jurors:
As you deliberate on Orange Man's fate, remember that you don't need to be unanimous in your verdict.
If 4 of you agree that Trump is guilty on ficticious charge #1, 4 of you agree on ficticious charge #5, and 4 of you agree on bogus charge #23, that is enough to convict Orange Man Bad and put him away!
You can find Trump 'guilty', 'not guilty', or 'whatever'. I suggest that you find him 'guilty' if you don't want anti-Trump protestors camped out on your front lawns.
If you have ANY trouble reaching a guilty verdict, send me a note, and I will call The Biden White House, and one of his people will deliver a great big suitcase full of large denomination bills. Just tell us how much you want.
Also, you do not need to understand any of these charges, because Me and Alvin can barely understand any of the charges either. Just understand that we have to stop Donald Trump, and take him off the campaign trail. We have a tough, important election coming up in November, and we Democrats have to do what we have to do.
We are determined to put Donald Trump in prison for the rest of his life, so don't dissapoint us. We have 80-year-old actor Robert DeNiro outside yelling like a lunatic. If you don't return with guilty verdicts, I might give him your home addresses. Our democracy depends on YOU THE JURY! If Trump isn't stopped, we will lose our CORRUPTION APPLECART FOREVER!
If you don't come back with guilty verdicts, Donald Trump could steal this election, and if he's in The White House, HE WILL NEVER LEAVE!!!
You can save America from the Trump dictatorship if you return with guilty verdict(s). Good luck.
Oh, and while you're at it, you can also have Trump's legal team thrown in prison too. Now, GO IN THAT ROOM AND BRING US SOME GUILTY VERDICTS!!!!
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