Beyondo's Predictions For The New Decade

The decade ends at midnight, and the RSR has asked our great prognosticator to predict what will happen in the next decade. Here he is, The Great Beyondo (echo: Beyondo, Beyondo, Beyondo.....)

QUIET!!!!!YOU DAMN MORTALS!!!!DAMN YOU!!!! STOP CHEERING ME!!!!! YOU'RE GIVING ME A HEADACHE!!!!

So the little smarty pants red squirrel wants to know whats in store in the upcoming decade. I have a vision that after President Trump wins a huge re-election victory, the Democrats will start a NEW investigation!

They will try to investigate THE VOTERS who re-elected him! All 68,431,557 2020 Trump voters will be accused of colluding with The Russians! The problem is, The Democrats will also lose The House, and The Republicans will have have a SUPER-MAJORITY in The Senate.

The bad news for Nancy Pelosi is that she is no longer the Speaker of the House. The good news is that  somebody finally gets an exorcist, and he gets rid of that unclean spirit living inside her head.

I predict that in Trump'a Second Term, the Democrats will try to impeach him three or four MORE times. These proceedings will take place in former congressman Adam Schiff's basement.

I see ANOTHER vision!!!! The Democrats don't ever learn from history, and they become EVEN MORE CRAZY AND UNHINGED!!!!

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez wins the Democrat presidential nomination in 2024!

In 2028, the Democrats will ALMOST nominate a Muslim Imam who promises to replace The U.S. Constitution with SHARIA LAW!!!!

Here comes ANOTHER vision!!!! Minneapolis, Minnesota changes it's name to Minnedishu, Somalisota!

I see treacherous years ahead for America! Liberals will try to BAN EVERYTHING that Normal-Americans like! They will try to ban cars, beef, bacon, fossil fuels, and just about everything else!

They will even try to ban BAD WEATHER!!!!

I predict that The Baltimore Ravens will defeat the Green Bay Packers in the upcoming Super Bowl, and the Packers will fire the officials after the game!

My head is starting to ache........Happy New Year, Dear Mortals!!!!!

The Democrat's Solemn Impeachment Party

Last week, the House of Representatives voted to impeach President Trump almost completely along party lines. Our correspondent was there.

Attired in a black dress, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi announced that impeachment was their solemn duty. After proclaiming that the Democrats had successfully reached the number needed to impeach The President, she uncorked the champagne, and the Dems showered each other as if they had just won the pennant.

It was a truly 'somber' moment.

House Intelligence Committee Chairman Adam Schiff threw shiny confetti all around as if he was comedian Rip Taylor.

Representative Ilhad Pmar and Rashid Tlaib's head spun around and around, but no one called an exorcist....

Several Representatives from California began singing 'Na Na Na Na, Hey Hey (Goodbye)', before learning that Impeachment doesn't mean The President will be removed from office.

Several Democrat Senators joined in on the 'solemn' event. New York Senator and part-time dj Charles Schumer brought his turntable, and hosted a dance party. CNN reporter James Acosta showed off his break-dancing skills.

Minnesota Senator and 2020 presidential candidate Amy Kloubachar danced and yelled 'Raise the roof, raise the roof....'

House Oversight Committee Chairman Jerrold Nadler danced like an Oompa Loompa from 'Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory.'

Former Vice-President and 2020 presidential candidate Joe Biden walked around the room, grabbing women inappropriately and smelling their hair.

Massachusetts Senator and 2020 presidential candidate Elizabeth Warren did an Indian war dance.

Nancy Pelosi got a congratulatory phone call from her boss, George Soros.

The 'solemn' event lasted well into the night. It took janitors about four hours to clean the confetti and champagne off the floor.

Heatmiser: I Support Global Climate Change

The issue of Global Climate Change seems to be all over the news as of late. If you get all your info from the mainstream news media, you would think that any change in the climate would cause horrific damage to life on our planet.

The 2019 Time Magazine's 'Person Of The Year' is autistic 16-year old 'climate activist.' Greta Thunberg. Hollywood produces anti-global warming films where our coasts disappear under terrifying tidal waves. About 20-30 years ago, the globalist Chicken Littles told us that we have about 10 years to stop this or our planet will be destroyed.

We at RSR believe in getting both points of view, so we asked our weather reporter to share his perspective:

(Singing): Da da da da....DA DA.....Da da da da....DA DA!!!)......Hey all you climate change commies, it's Heatmiser! I LIKE IT HOT!!!

It's 25 degrees in Minneapolis and 31 in Chicago. DAMN YOU, GLOBAL WARMING!!!! HIDE YOUR KIDS OR THEY'LL ALL SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST!!!! MUH-HA-HAAAA!!!!

Do not eat that hamburger or everyone will DIE!!!! Hysterical leftist jerk-offs!!

That Socialist genius Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez says we have to stop burning fossil fuels or the average global temperature may increase a tenth of a degree within the next 200 years AND ALL LIFE ON OUR PRECIOUS PLANET WILL END!!!!

Seriously, though.....

The same leftist environmentalist geniuses running California are BURNING IT DOWN.  Don't cut any of the thick forests and don't use it to make baseball bats or houses or grand pianos or anything that humans might enjoy. They also destroyed the farmers in the San Jaoquin Valley in favor of the snail darter.

(singing): Whatever the environmentalist commies touch, start to burn in their clutch. THEY'RE TOO MUCH!!!

As for me, I support global climate change! A warmer climate increases growing seasons! But there again, leftists aren't farmers. They think food just shows up at the grocery store. They're the same geniuses who carry around the 'I don't need fossil fuels because I ride the bus' signs.

Most environmentalist whackos are just Socialist control freaks out to steal your freedoms away. Go ahead, burn some fossil fuels....

That's all for now. Back to you, Red.....

Time Magazine's Petulant Brat Of The Year

RedSquirrel's Twitter Hostage Account Crisis Day 141 (With Ted Koppel)

Hello, this is Ted Koppell, and this is RedSquirell's Twitter Hostage Account Crisis, Day 141.

On July 22, blogger Joe Deal (also known as RedSquirrel) was suspended from Twitter for a snarky reply to a tweet. 

In more recent Twitter news, FOX co-host Peter Hegsseth was thrown off of Twitter for showing screenshots of Pensacola mass-shooter Muhammad Alshamrami's anti-American hate manifesto.

Apparently, Twitter does not have a problem with the Muslim terrorist's manifesto, just a very big problem with Hegseth's shining the light of truth on it.

What in God's name is wrong with the folks running Twitter? I guess real hate speech is protected but those who tell the truth or engage in anti-Muslim snark are banished from this social media site.

It does appear that conservatives and citizen journalists are sent to 'Twitter jail' with incredible regularity, while leftists and Muslim goons appear to be a special, protected class of 'tweeps.'

This is Ted Koppell. Goodnight.

Democrat Stooges Announce Articles Of Impeachment

Article One: Obstruction of Congress

Article Two: Abuse of Power

A normal American's reaction.........

Why I Observe No-Thanksgiving (By Colin Kaepernick)

Last week, millions of Americans got together with family and friends and celebrated a traditional Thanksgiving. While many passed turkey and stuffing, one former NFL quarterback observed his own holiday. We at The RedSquirrel Report believe in listening to all sides, and so we welcome the No-Thanksgiving musings of anti-American complainer Colin Kaepernick. Take it away, Screech:

No thanks, RedSquirrel,

As you feed your fat faces this Thanksgiving, may I suggest that you think about all the ways that the White devil has destroyed the indigenous peoples of this continent and the world.

We need to remember how White police officers have brutalized young, innocent unarmed Black victims like Trayvon Martin and Michael Brown. Brown was murdered just after 'visiting' a convenience store. 

We need to also remember Black football players who are treated like slaves by their evil, White team owners. Football teams should not have owners, anyways. (Insert Black Power Salute)

This racist league cut me out of my multi-million dollar contract after I stood up to this racist society, and nobody will let me back. Even may old team, the San Francisco 49ers refuses to bring me back. You know why" Because they're RACIST!!! Don't let their 10-2 record this season fool you.

As you know, Thanksgiving was celebrated by Pilgrims and native Americans, and the White Pilgrims 'thanked' the Native Americans by committing genocide against them. Typical.

Then there's the big, racist Cheeto Head sitting there in The White House. He's brought record-breaking low unemployment to America's Black population. You know what that means? Black are working! They aren't getting good stuff like food stamps and free money from that honkey Uncle Sam!

This is a travesty!!! I need to kneel for a moment.

The only thing I've got to be thankful for is my Nike contract. No, as a matter of fact, why should I be thankful for something if I worked so hard to get it?

Minnesota Congressperson Ilhan Omar has really told America where it's at. She is a Moslem Somali refugee that committed immigration fraud, marriage fraud, and campaign finance fraud....

....then told the voters that SENT HER TO CONGRESS that they they are a bunch of RACISTS!!! 

You go, Girl!!! You're my hero!!!!

Well, that's all for now. When I feel like adding to my list of grievances, I'll let you know about it.

Black Power Salute. Unhappy No-Thanksgiving Day

Colin.







  

On The 12th Day Of Impeachment

On the 12th Day Of Impeachment, the Democrats tried to invoke the 25th Amendment

On the 11th Day of Impeachment, the Democrats charged The President with collusion

On the 10th Day of Impeachment, the Democrats charged The President with bribery

On the 9th Day of Impeachment, they said  The President tried to pay hush money to Stormy

On the 8th Day of Impeachment, the Democrats charged The President with blackmail

On the 7th Day of Impeachment, the Democrat crooks sent David Avenatti

On the 6th Day of Impeachment,witnesses gave us more third-hand testimony

On the 5th Day of Impeachment, witnesses complained about Rudy Guliani

On the 4th Day of Impeachment, More witnesses in Adam Schiff's secret Star Chamber 

On the 3rd Day of Impeachment,, the Democrats charged The President with Treason

On the 2nd Day of Impeachment, Adam Schiff leaked like a sieve 

On the 1st Day of Impeachment,  That bug-eyed creep Adam Schiff lied and said it was just a parody