RSR Exclusive Preview Of The State Of The Union Address

Unless he decides to declare Martial Law and himself President-For-Life, Our Little Dictator will deliver his final State Of The Union Address to the nation tonight. The RSR has an advanced copy. Here are just a few excerpts:

Dear Congress, honored guests, My fellow Americans,

The state of the union is strong.....ALL BECAUSE OF ME! (Democrats stand a cheer loudly). Because of me and my administration, Government does more for more people than in any time in history, unless you're a veteran trying to get medical treatment. 

Because of my signature legislation Obamacare, millions of Americans no longer are forced to go to their full-time job! (Democrats stand and cheer wildly). 

Millions of undocumented immigrants can go and get healthcare, while millions of Americans have necessarily lost their doctors. Some Americans have simply had it too good for too long, depriving our third-world neighbors of  equal access to free healthcare, and THAT ISN'T FAIR! (Democrats stand and cheer wildly).

We have destroyed entire industries that have been raping this land and polluting the air! We have eradicated the evil of the coal industry! (Democrats stand and cheer loudly) We have also saved the country from the horror of The Keystone XL Pipeline! (Democrats stand and cheer wildly)

As great as this 'fundementally-transformed' country has become under my leadership, things are terrible....because of THE REPUBLICANS!!! (Democrats stand and 'Boo' their GOP colleagues).

Americans are being killed by guns at an unprecedented rate never seen before. That's why I announced an executive order to control violence. I will be hiring thousands of neighborhood snitches who will spy on their gun-owning neighbors. Soon, gun violence will be eradicated!!! (Democrats stand and cheer wildly)

At this time, I would like to direct your attention to the empty seat next to the First Lady in the gallery. This empty seat is symbolic of our guest who we 'wanted' to invite, but was gunned down!

Friends, we need to make sure that at next year's SOTU, that seat isn't empty! (The Democrats stand and cheer wildly)

Also, local police are been gunning down young Black men. This has to stop! I, along with The UN will begin taking over local police forces, and replacing them with 'Obama civilian security cops'. (The Democrats stand and cheer wildly). To correct this country's history of racism, 90% of these new cops will be comprised of 'dreamers' from other countries and Muslim 'refugees.'

If Congress refuses to make this happen, I WILL SEE TO IT THAT IT DOES!!! (Democrats stand and cheer wildly)

In conclusion, my wife Michelle has said that before I became your President, she was never proud of this country. Now that America is a lot more like the rest of the world, she tells me that she's has never been more proud to be an American! (The Democrats stand and cheer wildly).

That's my time! Allahu Akbar! Vote Democrat this November!