HEADLINE: PRESIDENT TRUMP PICKS KID ROCK AS NEW SECRETARY OF BAWITDABA

 

Happy April Fool's Day : )

SONG PARODY ALERT!!! PAUL MCCARTNEY'S RE-MAKE OF 'BLACKBIRD'/ ODE TO JASMINE CROCKETT

In the 60's Paul McCartney wrote 'Blackbird', his love song for The Civil Rights Movement. Since then, America has elected a non-White president. Recently, a female Texas Representative named Jasmine Crockett has been elected to Congress. 

So far, she has physically threatened Texas Senator Ted Cruz, has made fun of Texas's wheelbound Governor Gregg Abbott, and generally reminds me of those feral ghetto people who physically attack McDonald's employees for getting an order wrong. 

We here at RSR honor the spirit of Paul McCartney's 'Blackbird', with this heartfelt parody:

Jasmine's squawking like ghetto trash

Take your stupid act and go away

painted eyes

You look like you put your makeup on with a spatula

She made fun of a man in a wheelchair

Way out of bounds, she doesn't care

She acts like

a whacky character in a ghetto TV show

Not too bright

Not too bright

I think she has a problem with Whites

Who voted for this disgrace?

She doesn't know how to act 

in a public space

At the moment she's threatening a reporter

At the moment she's threatening a reporter

Not too bright

not too bright

I think she has a problem with Whites

Red Forman: What The Hell Is Wrong With Minnesota Governor Tim Walz?

Gonzo journalist Hunter S. Thompson once said that 'Politics used to attract the best and the brightest, but now it attracts the dumbest and the meanest.'

When you mention the 'dumbest' and 'meanest' politician in the country, everyone knows who you're referring to.

Under Governor Tim Walz, Minnesota was recently rated the 'worst-ran state in the country'. He confiscated a big surplus and raided the state's coffers for rediculous leftist pet projects, like the so-called 'Feeding our Future' program. The Democrats robbed and defrauded the tax payers and rewarded Walz's corrupt Somali supporters.

Before Walz ruined the state, Minnesota was always rated in  the top 3 in education and health care. Now, the kids are falling behind and the only thing Minnesota is known for now is tampons in boys' bathrooms. 

Walz isn't just a terrible governor. He's an obnoxious gaffe machine and a bafoonish bully. Here to comment is our resident EveryDad, Red Forman:

Thanks, Red. I like your name.

My name is Red Forman, and I am a resident of Wisconsin. Minnesota is our neighbor. The state is known for  sky-blue lakes, 'Minnesota nice' people, and Lake Woebegone. Now, it's known for commie weirdos like that jackass Tim Walz, extreme abortion laws, and cross-dressers in the state government.

Recently, the Minnesota Governor made a speech where he 'threatened to kick supporters of President Trump's ass.' This jerk sounds like a 10-year old bully.

When I threaten to kick my son Eric's ass, I'm just trying to get his attention. It is not in the middle of a political speech.

Walz has turmed pheasant-hunting into a ridiculous press media event. He looked like Rip Taylor impersonating Elmer Fudd. He lies about his military service while bad-mouthing gun ownership.

He also yaps at length about his personal masculinity. If you have to brag about your masculinity, you're not very masculine. A 65-year old man yapping about his own masculinity will sound like Fredo Corleone yapping about how smart he is. Sheesh!

He calls people he disagrees with 'WEIRD.' The Governor put tampons in boy's bathrooms, and he calls Vice President J.D. Vance 'WEIRD/??

He infamously said 'While they (Republicans) ban books, we (democrats) ban hunger. The truth is, Republicans want to ban age-inapproprite pornography from elementary schools. That sounds reasonable to me.

Suggesting that the democrats in Minnesota somehow banned hunger sounds stupid, self-serving and weird. This fat  clown refuses to explain how the 'Feeding Our Future' program has turned into a fraud scandal where his corrupt Somali supporters have stolen Half a billion dollars from the taxpayers. That's nor reasonable. That sounds more like criminal activity.

And Walz sounds like a liar. 

Now, he's on a 'tour' of 'deep-red' congressional districts, and he's calling these appearances 'townhall meetings', though you have to be invited to attend. The 'crowds' are supporters, and they cheer wildly. 

Kommissar Walz and his ego remains buttered lavishly. The Minnesota 'news' media help him spread his B.S.

My advice for Timmy is stop visiting Communist China, and spend time in the state you're the Governor of.  He should stop childishly insulting and taunting his opponents and perhaps listen to the voters of Minnesota instead.  Finally, he should stop acting like a damned mental case.

That's it for now. This is Red Forman. Have a great day.

Donald Trump and Elon Musk ARE NAZIS!!!!!

While President Trump keeps campaign promises such as protecting our border and eliminating government waste and corruption, the democrats are flailing and thrashing around. He has billionaire Elon Musk on board, eliminating corruption and government inefficiency. Musk is doing all this without pay.

President Trump's successes are making the democrats crazy. If he told The American People that bowel movements are healthy, many of his enemies would refuse to take their daily DUMP.

Here at RSR, we try to get many points of view on the issues of the day. Today, we welcome Wilma Hatchet, a Trump critic from San Francisco. She is active on TikTok, and thinks that President Donald Trump and his presidential advisor Elon Musk are NAZIS. She begins:

Greetings, Trump Haters,

Since Kamala Harris lost the election, I've gone on a sex strike and have been spending a lot of my time screaming at my cell phone. A lot of my friends are losing their government jobs. DOGE (Department of Government Efficiency) are like Hitler's Gestapo!. Hitler's crematoriums also ran efficiently. Trump is a NAZI.!

He stole my dream of being President Kamala Harris's Secretary of Health and Human Services.

So, last week Elon Musk rescued those stranded astronauts. Big deal. Sounds like something a NAZI would do!

Trump rounded! up the undocumented immigrants from Venezuela and sent them away. Hitler rounded up the Joos and sent THEM away. Trump is a NAZI!!!! Ornage Man Bad is EXACTLY like Hitler!!!!

These poor third-world gangs kill and sell drugs because they need jobs and opportunities, but That Nazi Trump doesn't care!

Elon Musk is ruining everybody's life! He took away USAID's funding. How are doctors in Peru going to perform sex change operations on turtles? Elon Musk doesn't care for the turtles because he's a NAZI!!!

Since me and my friends found out that Elon Musk's company made Tesla cars, we spray paint Swastikas on the cara becuase we heard that he's a NAZI!!! ACTIVISTS are setting MUSK'S cars ON FIRE!!! That'll show that GOOSE-STEPPING NAZI!!!! 

Hopefully we can drive his car company out of business because WE HATE HIS NAZI CARS!!

I understand that Elon Musk also owns Twitter/X, and he said he wants to protect free spaeech. That sounds like something a NAZI would say!

Back to Trump.....I hear he's trying to end the war in The Ukraine. ENDING WARS???? That's what Hitler and The NAZIs DID!!!

I also hear he's going to throw his enemies in PRISON! That's what NAZIS do!!! SOMEBODY STOP HIM!!!

Trump also wants to deport Joo-haters and pro-Palestinian protestors. NAZI!!!!!

Thank you. That's all for now.

President Trump's Kick-Ass Address: A Commentary By Eric Cartman

On March 4th, President Trump delivered an address to a joint meeting of Congress. He spoke for over an hour, announcing his agenda before cheering Republicans and dour Democrats.

Here to react to the address is our Junior D.C. Correspondant, Eric Cartman:

Thanks, Red. Our kick-ass President delivered an address before Congress, and it was KEWL! He promised to get rid of shitty government employees who won't come in to work, and get rid of destructive crappy, corrupt government programs that rob us tax payers! SHWEEET!!!

He told us about nunerous ways that those USAID crooks rip us off, sending our money to foreign countries, laundering money, and defrauding the taxpayer. I don't want my money going to Zimbabwe for sex-change operations. THAT'S BULLSHIT!!!

During the address, The president usually introduces guests they want to honor. In Trump's address, here was this kid D.J. DANIEL who survived brain cancer, and he dreams about being a cop. I thought 'THAT'S SO KEWL!! I SOMETIMES DREAM about being a cop and SMACKING PEOPLE WITH MY BATON WHO WON'T RESPECT MAH AUTHORITAH!!!. Trump even gave him a BADGE!!!

The Republicans stood and cheered the kid, but the asshole democrats didn't. They won't stand for the kid who fought and beat brain cancer, but they'll KNEEL FOR THAT CRIMINAL THUG GEORGE FLOYD. DAMN, THAT PISSES ME OFF!!!

Trump also honored the family of Laken Riley, the Nursing student murdered by a psychotic illegal alien. Once again, The Republicans stood for them and The Democrats didn't.

What is THEIR problem??? It's like they have a bug up their ass....

Trump also honored a volleyball player who got her face smashed in by a cross-dressing trans wierdo who spiked the ball in her face. What the fuh IS A GUY DOING IN A GIRL'S SPORT???

Early in the address, The Geico Caveman started yelling and shaking his pimp cane at President Trump, and he was thrown out. Who the Hell voted for The Geico Caveman???

Since he was inaugurated, President Trump has been working fast, bringing in Elon Musk to find corruption, fraud, and graft in the federal government. Corruption pisses me off!

He wants to end the war between Ukraine and Russia, but Senator Fauxcahontas wants to keep the war going. Bitch.

Instead of demanding a billion dollars from the American taxpayers and getting real people killed, I suggest that Zelensky and Putin just buy a bag of little green soldiers and play war instead. Leave real people alone to live their lives. These leaders are douches.

Trump also talked about other stuff like energy and inflation. I was hoping to see his Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt. She looks like the First Grade teacher everybody has a crush on.. She kicks ass!

Well, that's my report. This is Eric Cartman. Screw you guys, I'm outta here!!!.

Dad Joke Of The Week

Question: What did Homer Simpson say when Elon Musk fired him from his government job?

Answer: D'OGE!!!!!!

HEADLINE: GEICO CAVEMAN DISRUPTS PRESIDENTIAL ADDRESS