CNN's Coverage Of Joe Biden's Inauguration Parade

Hello Chinese subjects! This is CNN's special coverage of Joe Biden's inauguration parade! As you know, our new, wonderful president is thinking about the American people's HEALTH AND SAFETY on this wonderful day, so it's a very scaled-down celebration. He has ordered the country to 'mask-up', and has also ordered a lock-down here in D.C. 

We understand that he is taking his presidential oath in his basement, The right-wing media tells us that he's having trouble with the oath due to 'cognitive difficulties', but those are BASELESS claims.

According to our unnamed sources, Former president Donald Tump is on the run from federal authorities.  

......ooooh, LOOKY HERE, THE PARADE IS STARTING!!!! The Grandmarshal of today's parade Chinese president Xi Jinping is sharing a float with new Vice-President Kamala Harris! I wonder how much red and yellow crepe paper they needed for that huge float!!!

WOW, LOOK AT ALL THE CHINESE TANKS ROLLING DOWN PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE!!! 

.....AND HERE COMES THE CHINESE TROOPS!!!!! THEY ARE MARCHING WITH INCREDIBLE PRECISION!!! This is a really impressive, massive display!!!

We at CNN agree that America will be MUCH better off with our Chinese masters running our country than when Orange Man Bad ran the federal government. 

LOOK AT THIS!!!! Several floats honoring 'Democrat campaign workers' from Philadelphis, Detroit, and Atlanta who were in charge of 'counting the ballots'! 

Up next.......is a float with a giant placard giving a SHOUT-OUT TO DOMINION VOTE-COUNT MACHINES!!1 

Up next is the AntiFa Marching Band doing their redition of the old Soviet National Anthem on their kazoos!!

Here comes the sweet sound of The Black Lives Matter Singers. They're doing their rendition of The Black National Anthem. Oh-oh, there's a man with a Trump-Pence campaign sign, and all the Antifa and BLM musicians are beating him unconscious.

He deserved it.

He comes a float with four great governors. Andrew Cumo from New York, Gretchen Wetmer from Michigan, Gavin Newsome from California, and Tim Walz from Minnesota. These four great governors bravely shut down their states, and saved millions of lives from the terrors of Covid 19.

Here comes a float with Chinese and Ukranian 'business executives', and they are shoveling money into a pig trough in front of the capitol building. There's a group of politicians there to take the money.

Is that Hunter Biden? He's crawling on his hands and knees, snorting cocaine. Of course, if this was October, we wouldn't be covering this story because it would hurt our fantastic new president's chances at winning the election.......

Well, that's it for the parade. Mask up, America, and we'll see you at the CNN party tonight!