Happy Holidays, Minnesota peasants:
It's a difficult responsibility keeping everyone safe and healthy. Therefore, I'm issuing yet ANOTHER emergency order. I am banning Christmas travel, and ordering that you keep away from your friends and family.
Everyone must 'mask-up' while in any public space and while you're on any public transportation. Failure to keep your face diaper on might end with 'police enforcement.'
We (Myself and Minnesota Attorney General Keith Ellison) are fining the outlaws breaking my edict. Some dining establishments are disobeying my orders. Such insolence will be met with a hefty fine, which will be collected and sent to the Democrat Farmer-Labor Party of Minnesota.
I am toying with a new idea, that if we see anybody smile that they be thrown in one of our jails, and a mask be surgically grafted on the perpetrator's face. If you're caught not wearing your face diaper, you may be sent to a 'special government camp', and it will be there that you learn how to comply.
Remember, 'mask-up', or you may be guilty of murder if someone, somehow catches Covid because you failed to 'mask-up.'
Also, stay AT LEAST 6 feet away from each other. It might be difficult for married couples to concieve a baby, but that's a small price to pay to protect your fellow human beings from contracting Covid.
There is some great news, though. I am working with Democrats in the state legislature to issue special 'Walz Checks' to those who have been let go by their employers. You're welcome.
Have a Merry Seasonal Holiday! Burgermeister Walz.
No comments:
Post a Comment