Roseanne Cancelled: A New RSR Poll Question

The world is in an uproar over a tweet by TV star Roseanne Barr. ABC quickly cancelled her #1 show after she suggested in a tweet that former Obama adviser Valerie Jarrett is the offspring of The Muslim Brotherhood and Planet Of The Apes.

The comedienne deleted the racially offensive tweet, but it wasn't enough to save her top-rated television program.

This brings us to our new RSR poll. Our question for you, our readers, is this:

Which creature DOES former Obama adviser Valerie Jarrett resemble more?

 

 

Dr. Zira from Planet Of The Apes

 

 

 

or a vampire bat?

Results from our poll will probably not be published anytime soon.

Yakov Smirnoff Reports From Venezuela

It appears that Venezuelan dictator Nicolas Maduro has won another 6-year term. Here with his report is RSR correspondent, Yakov Smirnoff:

Thank you, Red Squirrel, heh, heh, heh....

Vhat an election here in socialist paradise! Hehe, heh, heh, heh....Communist dictator Nicolas Maduro wins with 110% of the vote!......Just kidding, he wins with 64% of the vote.

Maduro touted his 'Venezuela miracle!' Actually, his miracle was that he made his opponents disappear! Hehe, heh, heh! He's like a magician!

Apparently, he won with some very popular campaign promises. He promised a 'cat in every pot.' Of course, you would have to catch the cat yourself. Heh, heh, heh....

He also gave the voters a choice. You either get promised food rations or a map to your local zoo, where you can kill and eat the animal of your choice.

Maduro was very popular with dead voters! Is this Venezuela or Chicago!?

Many voters approved of the big crackdown on anti-government protesters. Maduro ordered his state police to give 'warning shot'. Actually, he just mowed down protesters as a 'warning to anyone thinking about protesting the government.'

Heh, heh, heh. Vhat a crack-down!

I better get out of here. It looks like about 10,000 spoil sports are gathering to protest the result of this election!

This is special correspondent Yakov Smirnoff in social paradise Venezuela, Back to you, Red Squirrel....

Sister Mary Roasts Comedienne Michelle Wolf

A few weeks ago, the White House Correspondent's dinner showcased a nearly unknown comic Michelle Wolf. The high-pitched disaster insulted the women in President Trump's administration, and her performance was almost universally panned.

Here to comment is our correspondent Sister Mary Brokenknuckles:

God bless....

What individual or committee of degenerate asses thought hiring this disaster was a good idea? Before this 'performance', almost nobody had ever heard of Michelle Wolf. After her performance, most normal Americans agreed that Bozo is one unknown comic who should be performing with a paper bag over her head.

She looks like what would happen if  Debbie Wasserman-Schultz was impregnated by a heroin-addicted circus clown. I'm a Catholic nun, but after that performance I'm re-thinking my stance on contraception.

The red-headed devil child insulted Sarah Hackabee-Sanders. Now,if you took away Sarah's class, intelligence, grace, and beauty, you know what you'd have?......Michelle Wolf!

All the laughing metrosexual hyenas at the White House Correspondent's Dinner should have their knuckles smacked. Demon-possessed jerks.

Mother Mary, full of grace.....

I'm glad that our wonderful President didn't attend this 'dinner'. He should have sent an armada of exorcists instead.

One good thing has resulted from Bozo's performance. I understand that the National Emergency Broadcast System will be using that nasally, whiny siren in case of  a national emergency.

God bless.