Today's Joeism

Here's my 'not particularly' deep thought to end the month:


My solution to end the hunger problem? Everyone should get a job at a restaurant, hotel, or any other place that has a kitchen.

Red Forman: I'm Losing Confidence In Minneapolis

Here to comment on the 2017 Minneapolis mayoral election is our very own Red Forman. Take it away:

Thanks, Red.

Almost three months ago, blond yoga instructor Justine Damond called 911 because she thought she heard an assault take place near her home. Two cops met the pajama-clad woman in the alley, and one of the officers shot her in the stomach and killed her.

The shooter, Mohommad Noor, is the first Somali-born officer in the history of the Minneapolis police department. So far, he hasn't been arrested or charged with murder. This case DID result in the resignation of the lesbian office chief, Janee Harteau, who received a very generous severance payment of $183,000.

She will receive this money as long as she doesn't say anything negative about Mayor Betsy Hodges or other city officials. They refer to this agreement as a 'nondisparagement clause'. I refer to this as a 'don't you spill the beans on our corrupt, inept city government' clause.

I have a blonde daughter. I love her more than just about anything on Earth. If a cop killed my daughter I'd demand answers from the lesbian police chief, then I'd probably stick my foot up the killer's ass. Noor said that the woman in pajamas 'startled him.' Really? I've read about several complaints against the Somali officer previous to this incident.

Maybe he freaked out when he saw a blonde woman not clad in a Muslim hijab. Mayor Betsy Hodges championed his inclusion into the Minneapolis police force. This is probably her 'greatest accomplishment' since her election in 2013, and it led to Justine Damond's violent death.

Betsy puts this Somali creep on the police force, he kills the blonde, then Betsy tells us she's 'lost confidence in Janee Harteau'. I have lost confidence in our mayor.

Minneapolis is electing a mayor in November, and it appears as if the local news stations are saying very little about it. I think it's because they want Mayor Betsy Hodges (who was named the '2nd-worst Mayor in America') quietly re-elected.

I guess it doesn't matter how bad a mayor Hodges is. Her voter base of Muslims and liberal hipsters who 'hate Trump' will probably carry her to victory on November 8th, although there is the former president of The Minneapolis NAACP and leader of Black Lives Matter, Nekima Levi-Pounds, who's challenging the mayor.

Wow, what this city needs is a candidate from Antifa. George Soros could buy the Mayor's office.

There's also a litter of also-rans who talk a lot about 'change'. If a candidate actually wanted real change, he or she would sound more like a conservative. None of the candidates want to fight crime. These communist wienies are too busy pandering to Black voters, Muslims, the gays, and everyday know-nothings who 'hate President Trump'.

Meanwhile, Minneapolis is being turned into a third-world dump. Criminals lurk, and bums sleep under bridges and in light rail shelters. It's hard to afford a decent apartment, and the local government punishes you if you own a small business. Welcome to Betsyville.

Really, Minneapolis is so far to the left Colin Kaepernick could be elected mayor. I don't think a conservative has even a slight chance of getting 5% of the vote, even if half of the residents were directly victimized by the terrible government they keep electing.

I'm losing confidence in Minneapolis. My wife Kitty and I have 2 kids to protect. We're thinking about moving out of here.

Red Forman

Hillary Clinton's New Book 'What Happened' (Page 245)

The RedSquirrel Report shares another passage from Hillary Clinton's hill-arious book 'What Happened':

During that third presidential debate, candidate Trump invaded my space. If you can remember, Rick Lazio also tried to invade my space during our Senatorial debate in 2002.

Republicans are such bullies.

'Back off, you creep. You're invading my space!' I felt Trump peering over my shoulder. I never felt that violated before. Juanita Broaddrick, Kathleen Willey, and all of  those bimbos who accused my husband of 'getting too close' had nothing on me and the discomfort I was feeling.

I remember the good ole 1990's when I had real power. I remember telling former Clinton Chief of Staff Mack McClarty to send a memo to all staffers that 'nobody was allowed to speak or look directly at me. If a staffer saw me, he or she were to avert their eyes, turn their face towards the wall, and keep walking.'

Those were good times.

However, it would have been difficult to tell your screaming supporters to stop looking at me and avert their eyes. That was a big obsticle. Candidate Trump liked people and he seemed interested in talking to people either as a group or as individuals.

It would have been much easier if they just gave me the presidency. Looking back, I feel bullied or let down by everyone involved. There was a lot of blame to go around.

A few days ago, a voter came to me with her daughter who didn't vote. The woman begged me for forgiveness because she didn't get her daughter to the polls. She had the nerve to ask to be absolved!!! I told her to get lost. She didn't work hard enough to get me elected, and now get ready for 4 years of Hell!....

....and IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!!!!

Get Started On Your Halloween Shopping Early....

....and terrify the neighborhood with your very own Maxine Waters mask! When you go trick-or-treating, open up that BIG bag and yell,' GIMME ALL YOUR CANDY, YOU HONKY RACIST!!!!'

Here, at The RedSquirrel Store!

Charlottesville: A Jackie Mason Commentary

Last month, Unite The Right held a rally in Charlottesville, South Carolina. The Ku Klux Klan, Neo-Nazis, and White Nationalists invited themselves, along with Black Lives Matters AND AntiFa Blackmasks. Violence ensued, resulting in the death of a young woman who was killed when one of these dummkopfs drove into the crowd.

Here to comment on this is our very own Jackie Mason. Take it away, Mr. Mason:

Thank you, Red Mensch....

Yes, I saw it on TV. I watched with disgust as this group of haters fought with that group of haters, as busloads of even more haters arrived on the scene. It was like a big, kettle of brouhaha hatred stew. The only ones who had a permit were Unite The Right, but then you had the Ku Klux Schmucks and the White Nationalist schlubs marching around. Then, before you knew it, you had the cop-hating Black Lives putzes and violent masked AntiFa punks.

From what I've seen and heard, BLM, Antifa, and the KKK all came together on buses. It looked like the schmendricks at CNN had arranged this riot for ratings or something.

I read that Charlottesville mayor Michael Signer and Virginia Governor Terry Mcauliffe sent in the buses to ignite a race war. What a couple of  Democrat Momzers. They should get a kick in the tukhus and a long prison sentence.

Following the riot, all of President Trump's enemies demanded that he condemn the White Nationalists, which he did for days and days. They didn't tell him to condemn BLM or Antifa even though the rally was peaceful before they showed up. Now, they call President Trump a White Supremacist, but most Americans I know think he's a mensch. Keep up the good work, Mr. President.

Trump's enemies have a lot a chutzpah, constantly kvetching about 'right-wing' hate groups. The real haters are those violent nutbags BLM and Antifa, and the hateful creep George Soros who funds them.

A couple weeks after the riot, I learned that Jason Kessler, who arranged this 'rally', was an Obama supporter. So, you have a Democrat hater funding some of these groups, a Democrat hater arranging the rally, joined by even more hateful Democrats, with busloads of EVEN MORE HATEFUL DEMOCRATS....

....and you schmucks are going to lay this at President Trump's feet? God help us.

That's all for now. Sheynem Dank.