Mele Kalikimaka Means Obama's Hawaiian Vacay

Mele Kalikimaka is what Obama says, as he goes on his Christmas vacay
He and Moochellimaka are gonna live it up, while American jobs go away
As America goes off the fiscal cliff
His voters don't care, so what's the diff
Mele Kalikimaka is Obama's way of saying 'Screw you.'

Mele KaliBenghazi means He don't care, So what if four Americans are dead
Obam Kahuna needs a vacation bad, and another 18 holes will clear his head
'cause stealing the election was a full-time job
He an' Moochelle will laugh at all you middle-class slobs
Mele Kalikimaka is Obama's way of saying 'Screw you.'

He knows the voters aren't very bright
They hated Romney 'cause he's successful n' white
Mele Kalikimaka is Obama's way of saying 'America, Screw you.'

Mele Kalikimaka is what Obama says, as he goes on his Christmas vacay
Taxpayer Moolah will pick up the bill, Our Little Dictator will be gone for 17 days
So who cares if the taxpayers are hosed?
And the stores on Main Street are all closed
Mele Kalikimaka is Obama's way of saying 'America, Screw you.'

And Tonight's Powerball Numbers Are....

....no....no....not even close....nope....no....and the Powerball izzzzzzzzzzzzzzz......no.

Hey Paul, Just Live And Let Turkeys Die

As American families gather around the dinner table this Thanksgiving, vegetarian pop star Paul McCartney wants you to know that he disapproves of eating turkey.

He has sent a message, as part of a new campaign from our friends at PETA:

"Say No, Thanks To Turkey....Go Vegetarian."

We here at The RedSquirrel Report would like to send a message to Mr. McCartney:

"Paul, just Live And Let turkeys Die."

The President's Thanksgiving Address To America

Gobble gobble, my subjects. I hope that you're with your family this Thanksgiving, and I hope that if you voted for me, that you REALLY get up in the faces of all your conservative relatives who voted for that loser Mitt Romney.

As you dig into that turkey leg and enjoy the cranberries, I hope that you remember the less fortunate-like those suckers who lost their job at Hostess.

See what happens when you don't give in to my unionista thug allies?

On this special holiday, I just wanna tell my subjects what I am thankful for. First of all, I am thankful for stupid, gullible, low-information voters.

I am thankful for my god-like reverb, my superior ground game, and my best friend....my teleprompter.

Of course, I am thankful for FLOTUS, my darling daughters, and everyone in the state-run news media. Without your relentless lying, I would have had to rely solely on outright vote fraud to win re-election.

On this Thanksgiving Day, I propose a 'fundamentally transformed' Thanksgiving from this day forward. Since America believes in ME more than that old fogey GOD, I want every family to bow their heads in prayer, and thank ME for all you have....

....your Obama phones, 99 months of unemployment compensation, your college loans forgiven, free contraception, ect.

Also, if it weren't for ME and my Democrat allies in The Senate, Big Bird would have ended up on that fat-head Chris Christie's dinner table.

I am announcing an executive order, mandating that every household place a listening device on every kitchen table in America. My civilian security agents and my czars are listening in on you right now.

I want to dispel a rumor that my family will be roasting a dog. Damn all of you conservatives on Twitter. You just won't let that go, will you?

Finally, I am thankful for Attorney General Eric Holder. If it wasn't for him, I'd be spending Thanksgiving in a Federal Prison somewhere.

Thank you. And thank me.

President Barack Hussein Obama, mmmm....mmmm....mmmm

Do You Realize...There's A Grenade In Your Suitcase?

We begin this story with a helpful tip for all you holiday travelers:

Don't pack a grenade in your suitcase.

On November 10, TSA agents at Will Rogers Airport in Oklahoma City discovered a grenade in Wayne Coyne's carry-on luggage.

Wayne Coyne is the eccentric frontman of The Flaming Lips.

The resulting panic caused cancelled and postponed flights. Later, the spaced-out popster apologized on Twitter.

I wonder if the TSA agents on the scene broke out in song:

Do You Realize....You have a grenade in your suitcase?
Do You Realize....Or is your head filled with an empty space?

Hi Barry, Let Me Introduce Myself

Dear Jack-A$$, congrats on your re-election.

Yesterday, Jim Messina sent me yet ANOTHER email. It appears that nobody associated with your administration knows who I am yet, so I will introduce myself.


My name is J. RedSquirrel. I am a blogger from Minneapolis.

In September 2011, I was one of many conservative bloggers who turned ourselves in to The Regime following the debut of your snitch website Attack Watch. As a result, I was put on your email list. I estimate that your campaign has sent me about 300 email requests for campaign contributions.

As it turns out, my only use for your emails was that I used them to ridicule your presidency on my blog, http://theredsquirrelreport.blogspot.com

Until the day you are impeached and removed from The White House, I am gonna dig up your victory garden. This right-winged critter intends to be like the little squirrel running thru the house in "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation", sending terror through the hearts of your staff.

I might jump out of your Christmas tree.

One more thing, Buster.  You and your corrupt administration are gonna have me ripping at your ankles for the next four years. I hope that I have rabies.

Sincerely,

J. RedSquirrel

My Savior Is Better Than Your Messiah

Jesus turned water into wine (John 2: 1-25), while Obama rigged voting machines, turning votes for Romney into votes for Obama....

Jesus fed the multitudes with 2 loaves of bread and 5 fish (Matthew 14: 13-21), while Obama got over 100% of the vote in many areas across America.

Jesus preached that the meek shall inherit the Earth (Matthew 5:5), while Obama kisses up to The Muslim Brotherhood and corrupt union bosses.

Jesus gave his life for all humanity, while Obama watched Americans get brutally murdered in Benghazi, before going beddy bye....Then, he jetted off to Las Vegas for yet another fundraiser.

Jesus teaches love and forgiveness, while Obama preaches division and envy.

Jesus had his 12 disciples, while Obama has his 37 leftist czars.

My Savior's Father wrote The Ten Commandments, while Obama is a devotee of Saul Alinsky's Rules For Radicals, which was dedicated to Lucifer.

Jesus broke bread, blessed it, and told his disciples "Take this and eat it, for this is my body." (Matthew 26:26), while Obama broke and killed many bodies, selling guns to dangerous Mexican drug dealers in Operation Fast And Furious.