The Quote Of The Day

 

Hollywood actor Jeff Daniels: 'Midwesterners are done with Trump's lack of decency.'

Luke Skywalker Joins The Dark Side

Last Friday, actor Mark Hamill (known to most people as Luke Skywalker) joined Biden Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre and took part in the daily White Houe Press Briefing. 

Here is some of what he said:

All hail The Empire! All hail Evil Emperor George Soros Palpatine! All hail Joe the Senile, Corrupt Liar!!!!! ALL HAIL THE DARK SIDE!!!

I am here to throw my support for Joe Biden, for he brings us rampant illegal immigration, human trafficking, illegal drugs, and violent murderers and rapists! I support Criminals, Communists, and Cross-dressers!!!! ALL HAIL THE DARK SIDE!!!

I want Donald Trump to be taken off the campaign trail and buried in carbonite or a COURT ROOM!!!

I hope that Joe Biden wins re-election, and that his SECOND ADMINISTRATION continues to resemble The Star Wars bar scene, with trans activists and cross-dressing weirdos like Sam Brinton, Rachel Levine, and Pete Buttigieg remaining in positions of power!

Inflation is down, the economy is great!!!! CNN IS THE NEWS!!!! Believe in our leftist media Jedi Mind Control Trick, you weak-minded nobodies!

I believe in 'The Force'. That is, I believe in 'forcing' Americans to give up gas stoves, FORCING THE AMERICAN PEOPLE TO BUY ELECTRIC CARS, and I support the end of the American dream....

I also support forcing Americans to wear masks, getting Covid shots, and forcing The American People to give up meat!

YOU WILL OWN NOTHING, AND YOU WILL BE HAPPY!!!!

I also support Biden because he will let Chewbacca into women's locker rooms!

I support Biden's Justice Department Stormtroopers throwing the j6 insurrectionist rebels in his D.C. gulags. THE REBELS ARE A THREAT TO THE OBIDEN EMPIRE!!!

Also, I support Order 67, the abortion of the younglings right up to the date of birth! Our great Emperor believes this executive order will give him the women's vote!

May 'THE FORCE' be with you....SUCKERS!!!!

Harvard Pro-Hamas Puppet Protestor Achmed Goes On Hunger Strike

Across the country, Jew-hating college students, professors, and leftist agitators are protesting against Israel and The West. Some of these trouble-makers are now going on hunger strikes. Today, we meet one of these protesters (We'll call him Achmed):

DEATH TO THE INFIDEL! DEATH TO ISRAEL!!!! DEATH TO AMERICA!!!! FROM THE RIVER TO THE SEA, PALESTINE WILL BE FREE!! 

Hey hey, ho ho, THE ZIONIST OCCUPIERS HAVE GOT TO GO!!! DOCTOR DOCTOR, GIVE ME THE NEWS....WE'RE GOING TO KEEEEEL ALL THE JEWS!!!!

We demand the colleges cave in to our demands!!! I go on a hunger strike until the infidel submit to ISLAM!!!! i will starve myself until Harvard divests from The Jewish State!!!!

STOP LAUGHING AT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I KEEEEEEL YOU!!!!!!!

Did you see that 400 pound college girl declaring her hunger strike? STOP LAUGHING AT HER!!!!!

Now, many of the colleges are cancelling their graduation ceremonies, and it looks like many of the college student protesters won't be getting their diplomas. They are going to be denied their high-paying jobs  promised to them. Many of us will find ourselves going on an INVOLUNTARY HUNGER STRIKE! DAMN YOU AMERICA!!!! STOP LAUGHING!!!!!!!

I'm only kidding. Our Jewish Communist Sugar Daddy George Soros is paying us to protest, and we get to keep our homeless tents and pre-printed protest signs. It's also a good thing President Biden is forgiving our student loans!

I'm glad they hate America almost as much as we do!

Damn those racist frat boys who pulled down the beautiful Palestinian flag and raised That grotesque American flag. THEY SHOULD GO TO HELL FOR INSULTING ISLAM!!!!

We stop the Jewish students from getting to their classes because classes at my college are graded on a curve AND I'M SICK OF SMART KIDS DRIVING DOWN MY G.P.A.! GETTING GOOD GRADES IS RACIST!!!!! STOP LAUGHING AT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When the police arrest us, they take our masks off. Then they see why we wear masks. WE'RE JUST AS UGLY AS THE FASCIST ANTIFA THUGS!!! STOP LAUGHING AT ME!!!!! I KEEEEEEEEL YOU!!!

We want Israel out of Gaza, The Jews out of Israel, and The Americans OUT OF AMERICA!!!!! Until then, I GO ON HUNGER STRIKE!!!!

STOP LAUGHING AT ME, OR I KEEEEEL YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Our NYC Correspondent Jackie Mason Reports From The Trump 'Hush Money' Trial

On April 22, opening arguments began in the bogus 'Hush Money' trial of Presidential candidate Donald Trump. He is accused of trying to prevent negative press (a supposed affair with porn star Stormy Daniels) from going public. In other words, he was running a political campaign.

Our busy New York correspondent Jackie Mason is here, and files this report:

Hello RedSquirrel, and all you mensches!

Oy vey! On Day 2 of this bogus Donald Trump Trial in Manhattan,  fat paskudnik Alvin Bragg was still pushing the charge that The Trumpster engaged in an illegal scheme to pay porn star Stormy Daniels so-called 'hush money' to hide a ficticious affair, and somehow that is a feloney while it's not even a crime!

The prosecution's star witness, serial perjurer putz Michael Cohen admitted that HE paid Daniels, and that Trump knew nothing about it.

These creepy jerks have real chutzpah , twisting the laws like a pretzel and charging Trump with a made-up 'campaign finance' crime.  This whole thing shtunks.

They call it 'hush-money' if Donald Trump supposedly does it, but it's a 'non-disclosure agreement' when anyone else does it? This is kanfiuzing. This is so downright fercockt!!!!

Also, that creepy judge Merchan has ordered a gag order on Trump, so Trump can't say what a bunch of corrupt, lying, sleazebag pishers the persecutors are, while The Trumpster's rotten, corrupt enemies can say whatever they want. This isn't just unfair, it's downright banana republic SCHMEGEGGE!!!

Merchan's daughter is making money off of this rediculous circus! What a bunch of defective people! Any normal, decent American should have contempt for THIS COURT!

The creepy judge tried to tell Trump that he couldn'r go to see his son Barron graduate from high school! Trump should tell the pisher judge to GO TO HELL!

Well, that's it from The Donald Trump 'Hush Money' Bullshit Trial here in downtown Manhattan, Back to you.

News You Can Use: This Halloween, Go As Minnesota State Senator / Burglar Nicole Mitchell

In News You Can Use......

This Halloween, the most popular costume will undoubtably be The Minnesota State Senator / Catburglar Nicole Mitchell costume.

Mitchell, a Democrat State Senator from Woodbury, was arrested and charged with felony burglary on April 22, when she was found hiding in her stepmother's house. It is reported that she was wearing all-black and was wearing a Catwoman eye mask.

Minnesota Democrats hold a one-seat majority in the state Senate (34-33), so her Democrat colleagues wil not ask her to resign. Her resignation could make it hard for the Democrats to enact their 'progressive ' agenda.

This Halloween, whether you're a trick-or-treater, looking for a costume for your cosplay party, or protesting at the Minnesota State Capitol, try this simple costume. It's easy and fun!

Our Correspondent Jackie Mason Reports From The Pro-Hamas Protests At Columbia University

Our correspondent Jackie Mason has been on the scene at the anti-Israel, pro-HAMAS demonstrations taking place across the country. Today he is reporting from Columbia University:

Thank you, RedSquirrel,

It's non-stop Jew-hatred here, with creepy professors and college student putzes mixed in with paid protestors and their professionally pre-printed signs, protesting against Jews and The West. 

These mental-defective schmendricks running the blue-state universities aren't even trying to protect their Jewish students, and they completely ignore the unhuman actions of the HAMAS demons on October 7.

The creepy professors teach hatred against The Jews, hatred against White People, and hatred against The West, and these stupid schmucks pay $60,000 a Semester to be brainwashed and bamboozled!

They carry signs reading 'From The River To The Sea,' not even knowing what NAZIS they have become, and many of these idiot college students are ripped off by these communist weirdos at the university. That creep George Soros offers them his NAZI blood money to carry signs around because he wants to destroy America. What a contemptable maniac!

The psychotic animals beheaded Jewish babies, cooked them alive, raped and murdered Jewish girls, and mowed down concert-goers, then they laughed and showed it on facebook. The NAZIS knew what they did was evil. THESE DEMONIC CREEPS THINK THEY'RE PLEASING GOD!

I am noticing the red states aren't putting up with this lunucy. Did you see that bitch professor getting arrested, yelling 'I'M A PROFESSOR!!!' while she was getting arrested? Professor Snowflake must think she's special or something.

This just in. The anti-Jew meshuggenahs have taken one of the college buildings and are holding hostages. Who do these creeps think they are? Iranian revolutionaries??? BUST THE DOORS DOWN!!! ARREST THEM!!!!

Oy vey, These communist universities should be investigated.

This is Jackie Mason, reporting from Columbia University. Back to you.

Top Ten Sheila Jackson Lee Solar System Scientific Facts

Texas Democrat Representative (and amatuer scientist) Sheila Jackson Lee said that The Moon is mostly gas (It isn't). 

From our home office in Bovey, Minnesota, here are The Top Ten Sheila Jackson Lee facts regarding our solar system::

10. Marvin The Martian may attack The Earth if we don't appropriate $5trillion to defend our planet.

  9. Most of our solar system's Methane comes from Uranus.

  8. Lunar eclipses happen when a cow jumps over The Moon.

  7. The surface of Neptune is covered with a layer of Trident gum.

  6. Planet Pluto wa named after Goofy's dog.

  5. There is a golden ring around Sataurn worth $2,500,000,000,000, and Congress should vote to spend your tax dollers to buy it.

  4. The mercury in your thermometer comes from the planet Mercury.

  3. Geocentrism refers to the belief that the universe revolves around our planet Earth. Representative Jackson-Lee, as well as most members of Congress, believe the universe revolves around THEM.

  2. Black Holes are created by extraterrestrials who never knew when to stop digging.

  1. White Dwarfs are RACISTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!