FEMA Head Nicolae Carpathia Checks In

Two weeks ago, Hurricane Helene struck. We are hearing horrific stories of death, and homes being swept away. The death toll is at over 220, and there are still people missing.

Occasional correspondent Nicolae Carpathia, known to us as 'The Anti-Christ', has taken a second job as Head of FEMA. He gives us an update:

Hello, America! We are very busy denying help to victims of Hurricane Helene. I am sending black helicopters to desrupt and buzz neighbors trying to help neighbors. We also have our people THREATENING TO JAIL busybodies helping their neighbors. Silly, lousy DO-GOODERS!

FEMA has ran out of money, but we're STILL sending BILLION$$$$$ to illegal aliens, The Ukraine, and Lebanon, The American People need to stop their COMPLAINING, OR TEAM BIDEN WILL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO COMPLAIN ABOUT!!!

We are offering $750 loans to families who lost their homes. When you sign a loan agreement with FEMA, keep in mind that if you don't pay off the loan we can seize everything you own! HAHAHAA!!!!

Remember, YOU WILL OWN NOTHING AND YOU'LL BE HAPPY!!! ALL HAIL SATAN!!!!

I keep hearing rumours that the federal government is controlling the weather one month before Election Day, and that we're attacking ONLY RED STATES!!! I categorically deny using weather-changing technology or cloud-seeding just to help one party win an election! That is too vulgar a display of ........never mind!

I must admit, it's quite nice that the residents of red states might have trouble finding an open polling station on Election Day!!!

I DO HOPE that The Harris / Walz Campaign can win the red states affected, and soon I will BRING ABOUT MY GLOBALIST NEW WORLD ORDER!!!!

ALL HAIL SATAN!!!!!